Strange Bedfellows
by Pandora.Writing
Summary: When Black Mesa infiltrates Aperture and tears GLaDOS apart, Chell is forced to work and live with the volatile AI who has placed herself in an android body. They embark on a tentative relationship under the watchful eye of Doug Rattmann.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! This is my first Portal fanfiction. I hope nothing is terribly out of place or so skewed in the manner of timelines that it doesn't make sense, but then again, it is fanfiction and we're allowed to do that. I've tried to keep it as accurate as I possibly can. This story is set after the events of Portal 2.

Enjoy!

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><p>If she hadn't been prepared to be as silent as a mouse when entering the main AI chamber, Chell might have screamed. It wasn't every day that one walked into a room expecting to be dwarfed by an only <em>slightly<em> homicidal artificially intelligent supercomputer dangling from the roof, only to find said supercomputer strewn across the floor in a litany of pieces; systematically gutted like a hunter's kill. And even less expected on the list of unexpected things to see was for those same hunters to still be there; pawing about with their filthy hands and desecrating the remains of the omnipresent God that had once inhabited the facility. Chell could only feel anger at that. Seething, eye-prickling, eyebrow-twitching anger. She didn't pretend to hold any special feelings towards the AI, but she was _her_ God, damn it! They had no right to touch!

She could feel her face heating up like a little furnace started by the grinding of her teeth; her palms flecked by the half moons her fingernails created against the soft flesh as she stood in disbelief at the twisted wreckage on the floor and the jagged wires hanging down where they had ripped her from her throne in the sky. Trying to yell obscenities at the black-clad soldiers and scientists milling about proved fruitless – the muscles in her throat had cramped up into a knot – ironically leaving her mute against her own free will. Well, that and the fact a hand had clamped itself over her mouth, the other arm around her ribs, squeezing so tightly it leeched the air right out of her lungs and rendering her breathless. Yanked backwards from the room, her captor had the surprising foresight to lift the former test subject off her feet to prevent the heels of her long fall boots from clanging against the metal grating on the floor as she kicked and alerting the others in the room to their position.

Chell found herself thrust up against the cold metal wall which immediately brought goosebumps to her exposed skin. That warm hand was still pressed tightly against her lips to prevent her from saying a word and she noted, with some disdain, that it wasn't an entirely unpleasant experience when confronted with the face of the person it belonged to. Had it really been that long since she'd had contact with other humans that simple warmth could-...No, it was best not to think about it.

Focus, Chell.

Peering out from behind a pair of scholarly glasses were two blue-grey eyes that locked directly onto her own gaze with a critical stare. Beyond that, the face they were set in struck her dumb for just a moment in time. Pretty...older..._cocky_. The little twitch of her lips proved that point as she leaned in closer.

"I don't know why I thought putting my hand over your mouth would help, but if there is anything that I have learned from a lunatic like you, it's that you are entirely unpredictable." The familiar, seductive voice whispered. It made Chell shiver.

GLaDOS.

"I told you not to come back. I shouldn't have expected you'd listen even after all the horrible things you did to me. Did you come to join your friends from Black Mesa in dismantling me? Why am I not surprised. I thought we had something special. Once again, you wound me. You really are a horrible person." the AI quipped as her captive's eyes darted towards the open door, her own head shaking furiously at the mention of Black Mesa. "No? They're not friends of yours? You sure fooled me. If that's true, which I suspect it isn't, you're not going to like it when they try to take you apart. And they'll try. Believe me, I know. You wouldn't want them thinking you're a permanent employee here because of this..."

GLaDOS's slender finger trailed down the rapidly pulsating artery of her neck, slowly making its way down across her collar bone until it rested on the Aperture Laboratories logo emblazoned on the stained white singlet stretched across her breast.

Chell squirmed.

"I'm surprised you even still wear that thing. You look like you've been robbing hobos. And that's terrible." The barest hints of a smirk tugged at the artificial muscles behind artificial lips. The gesture elicited a roll of the eyes from her counterpart. "No matter. You are coming with me. I'm not letting you wander around my facility unsupervised so you can destroy everything. For the third time. At least I don't need to tell you to be quiet. That's an added bonus of testing mutes, even if they ARE dangerous lunatics like you. There's less screaming."

With an iron grip around her upper arm, GLaDOS hastily spirited her off down the hallway. Completely unnecessarily she might add, thought Chell. They both knew it, but there was something in the touch of the android that unsettled her. It could have just been that she was still reeling from the shock of seeing the once leviathan-proportioned robot spread over the floor in itty-bitty pieces, all laid out for cataloging. And maybe she was picking up on something GLaDOS was feeling. Either way, it was worrying.

It wasn't long before her unwilling tour guide was scratching at a piece of metal sheeting, pulling it back to reveal a tunnel between the walls. When the panel was pulled back enough for them to squeeze through, she set it back in place and the tunnel was plunged into an unforgiving darkness that was so thick that Chell could have sworn she could choke on it. Still, she had no doubts that the AI with her could see perfectly fine. Probably equipped herself with some kind of night vision, she noted. Against her better judgement, her hand shot out before she could think of stopping herself and latched desperately onto the pristine white lab coat of the supercomputer that had made her life a living hell several times over. The silence following the action was deafening. She knew she was being examined like some bug under a microscope, so she steeled her expression into a determined grimace and pointed at her eyes before making a waving gesture that she hoped GLaDOS would interpret as "I can't see" and not "My eyeballs smell like nasty things."

She had to give the computer some credit though; she was certainly smarter than the little sphere that had led her practically in circles the last time she was here and she had a much better understanding of drama and comedic timing. Yet the vitriolic comment never did rend the silence. Instead, that warm hand wrapped around her own chilled fingers and started leading her through the tunnel. She had to admit; it was a little disturbing. Here was a being made of metal and silicone and she was less robotic than the human with her. Hunched over from the low ceiling, Chell closely followed the AI, tripping and stumbling a few times in the darkness. She should have known the silence wasn't going to last for long. GLaDOS couldn't resist taking a pot shot at her after she whacked her forehead on a low hanging pipe.

"Even when you're with me you're trying to destroy things. With your face."

Yet even when a soft light started illuminating the darkness up ahead, GLaDOS didn't let go of Chell's hand until they had rounded the corner and were able to stand up to their full heights in the alcove. A Companion Cube sat in the centre of the "room" with a little gas lantern on top that was the source of the light. There was no small amount of amusement at seeing the cube was so brightly polished that it twinkled even in the low light. It looked brand new, but on closer examination of the worn sections on it revealed that it was just well-loved like someone had been stroking it far too often. She could understand. They were such lovely friends in this mad, mad world. Two piles of old lab coats were pushed up against adjoining walls that were laden with shelves full of canned goods, books and documents, and a laptop sat open and ready for its owner on a couple of overturned crates. It definitely looked lived in. Finally letting go of GLaDOS's hand, the young woman stepped over towards a wall that was plastered with sketches resembling the many that she had seen drawn in chalk around the facility. Some of her, some of GLaDOS, other things she had never seen before. And some not so nice ones that made reference to Black Mesa and the size of their...guns.

"DON'T TOUCH THOSE!" the pile of coats screeched in a high, strained voice, scrabbling to its feet and startling the test subject into stumbling back against the android who provided a solid backing to regain her footing. "THOSE ARE THE FUTURE!"

Hm, that was odd. Chell had seen a lot of strange things in her time at Aperture, but talking coats with beards were not one of them, until now. Another one of Wheatley's experiments gone wrong, perhaps? Though, she couldn't imagine what he thought he was doing when he was creating it. Those poor, poor frankenturrets.

"[Subject Name Here], meet Doug Rattmann; your secret admirer and the very reason you were even tested at all. He is extraordinarily evil, obviously." GLaDOS sighed, dusting off her black skirt before taking a seat in front of the laptop on one of the overturned crates. She kept her attention firmly focused on the two.

"YOU! I KNOW YOU! Shhhh! Be quiet, they'll hear us!" he hissed, wild blue eyes darting this way and that before darting around the Companion Cube and grabbing a rather frightened Chell by the hand and pumping it up and down enthusiastically. "I'm Doug. Doug Rattmann."

"I just said that."

"Shhh! You can't believe her lies. Everything here is lies. The cake too. I know what's real. Don't listen to that voice." He insisted, not even glancing in GLaDOS's direction. "I put you first in the testing cue. I had a feeling about you. They didn't want you to test. But we proved them wrong, didn't we!" he gleefully whispered, before his eyes widened and he scrambled back away towards the cube. He started mumbling to himself as he scratched at the scraggly brown beard on his chin. It wasn't until he crouched down near his Companion Cube and started stroking it again while he spoke to it that GLaDOS chipped in eagerly.

"Aren't you glad that I made you incinerate your cube now?" she grinned at the woman in the orange jumpsuit. "Did you hear that, Doug? She burned it up. I bet it was screaming in horrible, burning pain. On the inside. If it was sentient. Which it isn't."

"Don't listen. Don't listen. She can't tell us what to do because we already know about her tricks." Taking out a cloth from the pocket of his jacket, Rattmann puffed a breath of warm air onto the surface of the metal box and began polishing away at it again with all the ferocity of an exasperated mother trying to get a dirt smudge off her child's face in time for dinner. All the while, Chell remained pressed up against the wall in abject horror at the proceedings. It amused the supercomputer to no end to see her like that. The open mouthed expression was the closest thing she had probably witnessed to actual communication about what the girl was feeling. It took some time before she felt comfortable enough with her surroundings and the gibbering of Doug to actually peel herself away from the wall.

"Come and sit-..." the android was abruptly cut off by the shout of Doug.

"YOU DON'T GET THE BED! It's mine! I don't trust you!" he pointed at GLaDOS, "And you smell funny!" his finger turned on Chell, who raised an eyebrow. SHE smelt funny? Clearly he hadn't taken a good sniff of himself lately. "You're sharing! Not mine! There's rules here!" he scrambled back over towards the lab coats and cardboard boxes that made up the nest that he had been laying on before they had entered the little hideout.

Share with GLaDOS? She blanched at the thought. Did androids sleep? Well, other than sleep _mode_, that is. But that didn't count, did it? There was no possible way that the AI would agree to such an arrangement. Yet upon turning her gaze to her nemesis, she was greeted with the sight of the back of her head, white hair pinned up in the perfect bun for a prim and proper receptionist-meets-scientist look as she tapped away at the keyboard of the laptop. GLaDOS didn't say a word, and Chell still had no idea what was going on.

She sighed.

This was going to be one long and uncomfortable journey.

And she didn't even have a portal gun.


	2. Chapter 2

"I suppose you want to know what is going on." GLaDOS finally mentioned, though her attention never left the screen of data despite her fingers stilling in their movement. "Well I can't tell you. I don't even know. They just showed up. I-...the defences didn't activate. Or couldn't. I had no warning. Without the neurotoxin...You really do ruin everything, you know that, right?" she turned just a little, peering over her shoulder at the jump-suited woman that had slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Chell just waved and smiled, knowing it would cause her to scowl.

"Black Mesa stormed the facility and I had to hide the portal device as quickly as I could. They had some sort of device that was able to override the security systems and disable the cameras as they went along. There are soldiers and scientists with them, and they knew exactly where they were going and what they wanted. They just-..." the tinny rasp that was so common to hear when GLaDOS was a potato surfaced just briefly as her voice wavered against her will.

"Tied her down and picked the Queen to pieces. Peckpeckpeck! Like birds! Little black birds." Doug giggled in that high pitched voice. "It's not funny! Stop laughing. I saw it." He quickly contradicted himself at the enraged glare of the supercomputer across the room.

It was a tense few minutes before GLaDOS found it within herself to speak without her voice catching. "Those...thieving murderers!" she hissed, "The facility should be on the brink of a meltdown by now. But I learned something from you and that _moron_. Always have a backup plan. I created this analogue after you left in preparation for another such event as this facility falling outside of my control. They have no idea that I am still active. I unfortunately only have enough control to keep this place from exploding. I made sure of that. But I wasn't finished with linking it up when they came. They've manually overridden most of my controls, and if they dig deep enough into the mainframe they'll find the reactors. I don't believe they will destroy Aperture. It's safe down here. And don't look at me like that. It's a logical base of operations. But if those scientists know what they are doing they'll eventually find the remote access controls. I won't be able to stop them. For now we are safe, and I am monitoring their progress through this laptop. We will still need a plan. And logic dictates it will be one of your crazy ideas. After all, two of the three of us are brain damaged lunatics. Also, I don't have a brain. I have processors, circuitry, and an infinite capacity for knowledge. But no squishy meat like you." she proudly informed them.

"Screaming, screaming. Always screaming. Torture! Found the controls, killed the Queen, made her scream." Doug mumbled, staring over at Chell while lying on his side. "All over, the voices. Every room. Everyone heard her fall to pieces."

"Shut up! You always have voices screaming at you. You're crazy." GLaDOS hurriedly admonished him or daring to say such things while her former test subject was in the room.

Chell just stared at her.

"What? What are you looking at? One of you talks too much, the other doesn't talk at all." she tiredly sighed as if just the thought of having to deal with the both of them was a drain on her power. "I really can't win with you around, can I? I was better off as a potato. I think Mr Chubby Beak would agree. It's a good thing he left too. You might have sat on him." ignoring the confused looks she received for mumbling about her little attempt at mothering an avian army they knew nothing about, GLaDOS clucked to herself and went back to typing.

"I suggest you get comfortable. It's going to be a long time."

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><p>It was like a prison cell. It was like being permanently stuck in her relaxation vault with a chattering monkey and washing machine with legs. And it was cold. If there was a God, he definitely hated her. She had given up on trying to sit through the chill, hoping it would warm up. It didn't. It forced her to pull her jumpsuit back on, leading her to wonder if it was night time outside and whether being this deep within the earth would have any significant effects on the temperature. After all, the facility was massive, and would cost a fortune to heat. The only parts that seemed to be relatively controlled were the labs, offices and main AI chamber. Then again, that would make sense. They wouldn't want all their delicate machinery overheating or freezing up. Delicate and GLaDOS. Hah! She snorted to herself, ignoring the curious glance she received from the wo-...machine in question. Of course, doing so promptly turned the lights out for her as something dropped on her head unexpectedly and blocked her vision. Sucking in a lungful of dust as she fought her way out from under whatever it was that had fallen on her, Chell coughed and hacked as silently as she could, wiping at her watering eyes. Upon closer examination, it was one of the lab coats that had been lying on the pile that Rattmann wasn't using. Blinking back the tears at the assault on her person, she soon found that the snarky android had been the one to toss it on her.<p>

"You walking bags of meat get cold pathetically easily." It was all she offered in the way of explanation. "Go to sleep. It seems that activities are winding down based on the data I have been able to obtain. I need to figure out a way to get you into the warehouse where I hid the Portal device. I'd do it myself while they are asleep, but I can't risk getting captured. I also lost a small portion of my memory in the data banks. It was corrupted when they started pulling me apart without a correct system shutdown. I don't remember exactly where I put it, but I have narrowed it down to 2 of the 4 rooms on the south side." she admitted with a scowl. "Once again we will be forced to work together to achieve this. I will do science. Doug will do...crazy. As for you, [Subject Name Here]...You will do punching." GLaDOS nodded to herself in confirmation

"What? How else do you expect to defend us without the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device? I thought I told you not to look at me like that. You're doing it again. Stop staring at me and go to bed. I need to think."

Wrapping the coat around her body like a blanket, Chell struggled to her feet to walk the few steps towards the makeshift bedding arrangements. There really wasn't much room there, and she wondered how both she and GLaDOS were supposed to fit on it. Scooting onto the side that backed the wall so that if the AI did choose to lie down she wouldn't be crawling over the top of her, Chell did her best to get comfortable while the lantern was switched off by her former captor. Now only the light of the laptop illuminated the space and the soft blue glow of the monitor lulled her off into unconsciousness for a blissful few hours with the tapping of the keys still echoing in her ears.

Of course, it wouldn't last forever, and she ended up waking far too early and for no apparent reason. At least it gave her time to think though. Namely, why hadn't GLaDOS gone completely off her tree at this entire situation like she had when Wheatley took over? Surely Black Mesa infiltrating the place was more important than a moron with a superiority complex?

Through hooded eyes, she looked over to where the AI sat still in front of the laptop, seemingly in contemplation. She had to admit, she was a little intrigued to find GLaDOS with an actual expression of worry and grim discontent plastered across her features instead of that bold and striking white casing that offered little in the way of reading her inner thoughts. That old face was perfect for a creature like her. Able to give just enough expression to show false concern to trick her captives into believing she cared for their wellbeing, but never enough to actually give away her true intentions. But this face?

'You can't hide from me now, GLaDOS. I see you.' Chell gleefully thought. 'No hiding, except in the dark when you think everyone is asleep. But I'm awake. I always have been. We have that in common, you and I.'

When the laptop was finally abandoned, the young woman shut her eyes tightly and reminded herself to keep breathing as the soft click of the android's heels brought her to the bedside. It failed miserably as she ended up holding back the gasp that threatened to escape past her thumping heart and leap out her throat as the other lay down next to her. Chell waited until GLaDOS was settled before she slowly let it out and dared to peek out from under her lashes. The plain white backing of the Aperture lab coat was what faced her, allowing her a brief reprieve from that scrutinizing gaze. It was like being tested without being tested. Now those eyes were closed, free from the glasses perched in front of them which now sat on the floor next to the bedding. It was the closest she'd ever been to the AI besides briefly grabbing her when she was a potato. GLaDOS being human – or at least an analogue of humanity – was much different to experience being next to.

And she was warm.

Completely, horribly, damnably warm.

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><p>Yet despite all of Chell's misgivings about the situation and the AI beside her, GLaDOS proved to be a surprisingly considerate bed mate. She didn't steal the lab coats to use as blankets, she didn't snore or roll around, and she kept to her side of the bed. So much so that she was barely even laying on it at all. Unlike Chell, who tossed and turned and spread herself over the widest area that she possibly could. She was also fairly certain she may have kicked GLaDOS a few times during her sleep when she had those horrible dreams where she was falling. It was kind of embarrassing really. She hadn't even complained or said a word about it. Chell had to stop herself from reaching out and poking her in the side to see if she was dead. The android didn't even breathe, which was unnerving enough in itself, but she didn't particularly want her to roll over and question her on why she thought that was a reasonable course of action. Maybe sleep mode left her vulnerable? She certainly hadn't moved at all during the night. Not even – Chell was loathe to admit – not even when she had woken up for the second time that night to find she'd snuggled up even closer to the android and was very close to drooling into the wisps of synthetic hair at the back of GLaDOS's head that were just now tickling at her nose. It startled the test subject into rolling back away from her with a sharp intake of breath. Falling onto her back, Chell swiped at the saliva that was coating her cheek. Disgusting. Utterly disgusting, she admonished herself. If this had been a test chamber, even SHE could have agreed with the disembodied voice of the Enrichment Centre if it had decided to make one of its tauntingly contemptuous remarks about her slovenly behaviours.<p>

"The adrenal vapours are not as strong between the walls. However, with your time out of the Enrichment Centre, you've most likely become accustomed to not having them around at all, which is why you keep waking up. My Aperture Science Automatic Time Calibration Unit indicates that it is exactly 3:06:55am. My data also indicates that humans need roughly 8.4 hours of sleep per night and at least 4.127 gallons of coffee to get them functioning at minimal efficiency throughout a single day. And possibly some sort of amphetamine, if surveillance footage is anything to go by. You clearly have not had any of this." GLaDOS's voice pierced the silence of the little rat den they were in despite lowering it so as not to wake Doug, who was sniffing and snoring away to himself quite contentedly.

Still, it managed to make Chell jolt with affright at the unexpected speech from the currently inanimate form with its back to her. Well, she was certainly right about those adrenal vapours getting to her. She hadn't felt this on-edge since the very first turret had attacked her. It would get better. It had to, she reassured herself. Supporting her weight on her elbow, the sleepless former test subject leaned in and peered over at GLaDOS, who was disturbed enough by this action that she felt she had to finally open her eyes and stare back at her.

"That...is not sleeping. What you're doing is looming. Looming is not appropriate behaviour when one is trying to remain in sleep mode to conserve valuable energy supplies. But you don't care about that, do you. Didn't your parents ever-...Oh...Oh dear. Never mind." she tittered.

Brushing off the insults with a practiced grace – and wishing she could do the same with the grime that was embedded in her jumpsuit – Chell met her gaze with a stare of her own. It was strange, she thought, how a pair of artificial eyes could look so human. Without the glasses on, GLaDOS almost looked like a kind and caring woman only a few years older than herself instead of that haughty scientist with an eagle's eye, a jackal's grin and a silver tongue to match. The amount of effort she had put into the tiniest details of her skin was simply stunning. Chell couldn't help but reach out a finger to touch the slight beginnings of crow's feet at the corner of her eyes. Unfortunately, GLaDOS didn't share the same viewpoint and struck out with a sharp smack against her hand to prevent that grubby, worm-like appendage from coming any closer to her sensitive (and expensive) optics.

"BACON SANDWICHES! It'll happen. It'll happen..."

Their heads snapped towards Doug, who had shrieked his desire for pork and bread for the entire world to hear. GLaDOS sighed. "It does happen quite often," she admitted, "Him yelling in his sleep about things made of meat, that is. It's quite disturbing at first, but you get used to it."

Chell raised an eyebrow, and turned back towards the AI, who promptly and unceremoniously planted her hand on her face and pushed her forcefully back down into their makeshift bed.

"Go to sleep."

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I'm glad you guys like this story so far. I wasn't too sure about my characterization of Doug at first. I didn't want to make him seem like too much of a nut job, but I also didn't want to make him completely straight-laced either. Especially since I've spent time doing mental health placements with people who have schizophrenia. Although those people weren't in the acute phases of their condition, it gives you a new perspective on how it isn't like what you see in the movies. You can't tell them from anyone else, so I apologize if my characterization offends anyone with schizophrenia.

Anyway, keep reading, and don't forget to review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I'm very GLaD you're all enjoying this so much. I don't think I've ever had so many story, author and favourites alerts for so few chapters on any of my previous attempts at fanfiction in the past. It's great to hear your opinions, and definitely makes writing worth it. Much love.

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><p>When Chell woke again, she was spread all across the bed. Thankfully GLaDOS had risen so there was nothing for her to poke or grab or soak with drool. Still, her mouth tasted like she'd been sucking maggots off the back of a dead, fly blown sheep that she'd come across in a field when searching for civilization. Gagging a little and rubbing her encrusted eyes, she sat up to a headache the sight of a perfectly preened robot woman. That was <em>not<em> fair. She wasn't even dusty or dirty or anything. NOBODY, artificial or not, should look that good in the morning. Somewhat jealously, she turned her bleary gaze towards Doug, who was busy cooking up something in a pot on a little stove that he'd made from various computer parts. It smelled absolutely delicious, and he obviously knew it given the huge grin on his googly-eyed face as he looked up at her.

"Beans!"

Ah, beans. Any food was good food down here, though, she supposed. Watching Doug ladle some of the baked beans into a metal dish and place a spoon in it, she was pleased to note that he had served her up first and was now crouched there like a puppy dog waiting for a pat. Blowing on the spoonful of little globs in tomato sauce, she took a bite as her protesting stomach was immediately silenced now it knew it was being heard. Chell gave him a wide smile which was apparently enough for the mad programmer, who then went to get his own serving. She briefly wondered about GLaDOS, but from the way she was ignoring the food and remained bent over the Companion Cube that she was using as a table, it seemed apparent that she probably didn't even need to eat.

GLaDOS had remained silent throughout the entire morning, apart from the shuffling of papers that she was poring over. It was like the other two weren't even there. She looked _different_. That particular puzzle was solved when she came across GLaDOS's lab coat that had been placed over her some time during the night. Now that was surprising, but it did explain why she woke up nice and warm that morning. It was much better than the ones that they were laying on - that was for sure - and not just because it smelled better either. Shrugging it on around her shoulders, Chell finally got up to determine what exactly it was that was being planned. Standing next to the taller android garnered an inquisitive examination.

"You'll never be a scientist looking like that. The orange clashes terribly with...everything."

Spoken like a true fashionista, thought Chell. It's not like she'd know. Everything here was so black and white. Even her clothing was done in some black and white design with the Aperture wheel logo printed half on the back and half on the front of her high-necked, sleeveless shirt. Damn her to android hell and back for having the ability to make truthful and scathing witticisms. Whatever possessed the scientists and programmers in this place to give her a voice to go along with that intelligence, she'd never know. Then again, there had to be a voice of reasonable sanity in the madhouse that was Aperture Laboratories. And she was disturbingly amusing at times. Lemons! Oh, the memory of that would stick around for a long time, but she'd better not remind her about it lest GLaDOS embark on a journey of finding a painful way of permanently removing it from her mind.

"I assume you are over here because you would like to know what I know, and not because you like me. I don't I blame you for that. The knowledge part, that is. I am a very likeable person." Shuffling the papers around again showed Chell a few schematics of what looked like the facility and inventory lists. "I suggest you study these carefully. They are the closest you're going to get to having a map to get you to the portal device. They are not a complete set though. I have no idea where the others are. If I had a luck core, it would most likely inform me that you've already used them for toilet paper for your disgusting excretions." Bemoaning the loss of her precious data, GLaDOS handed the scraps over to the woman somewhat reluctantly. "Don't lose those." She added quickly.

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><p>It had taken Chell two days to make sense of the vast amalgamation of information and crude drawings of the floor plans in front of her, but she wasn't about to ask the supercomputer, who most definitely knew this place like the back of her circuit boards, for help. It was an odd feeling to know that in some way, this entire Enrichment Centre essentially <em>was<em> GLaDOS. After all, she had so much control that she could move the very ground from beneath their feet. All the humans here probably felt like little moths flittering around in her belly. Or ants, perhaps, scurrying around and biting her insides with their pincers as they made their nest where they didn't belong. That was probably a more accurate description, Chell grimaced. Returning the building plans to the top of the Companion Cube, she took her time stretching. This would be a test of her athletic abilities. Without the portal gun, she would be resorting to brute strength, speed, intelligence and general sneakery. And the long fall boots – her saving grace.

"I suggest you try vault three first. It makes more sense to put it in there based on these old inventory lists. Take them with you. If any of these items are still there it might help you get your bearings." GLaDOS suggested as she shoved her out through the panel in the wall and into the hallway. "Don't get caught. Oh no, I shouldn't have said that. You always do the opposite of what I tell you to do. Hm...If you get caught, _DON'T_ sit on them and crush them with your generousness. And remember, punching is _NOT _an acceptable solution to any Enrichment Centre activity that involves restoring me to power. I will be watching your progress through the security feeds, but I won't be able to move the cameras if you are around any of the Black Mesa personnel. I don't want them to suspect anything. You're on your own." With that, she closed the panel and left Chell in the empty hallway. For all of three seconds before stepping out to retrieve her lab coat with a glare, that was.

"Mine."

* * *

><p>Walking through the hallowed halls of Aperture had been eerie enough the first couple of times, but now it was just downright haunting. The shouts, footsteps and conversations of Black Mesa scientists echoed down long metal passageways like ghosts of a time long since forgotten by the outside world. It became so very hard not to just try to hide every time she heard them, as she had no idea from which direction they were coming from, and whether or not they were just echoes or people approaching. This place would be the death of her, she was sure, but at least she had the upper hand of being well-travelled and familiar with the massive drops and walkways that went nowhere. Black Mesa would have to take the long way around unless they were planning on finding a long term solution to some of the destroyed pathways, like building bridges. And that would take a considerable amount of time to do given how much Wheatley had destroyed. Even GLaDOS hadn't been able to fix it all. However, given enough time, she was sure the supercomputer would put her mind to the task and find a way to put it back the way it was; even if it meant building it from the ground up with the bones of her enemies. And there were so many. Chell didn't doubt that she'd have pride of place in some morbid structure. Then again, GLaDOS might even keep her skull as some kind of memento. Or just toss it back into the bowls of Aperture for birds to nest in. One or the other. Chell squirmed once again at thoughts of the android, and pushed them to the back of her mind. It wouldn't do to lose focus down here and just go tumbling off into an abyss just because she could hardly remember the AI as she was, and wanted to think of her how she is.<p>

'I really need to be spending more time with humans. This is getting ridiculous.' Chell thought, before promptly smacking herself in the face once she was out of range of the security cameras. Unfortunately, she wasn't out of range of the two soldiers and three scientists that had walked around the corner, their mutterings cut short at the sight of some crazy face-slapper crouched by the wall.

"Who the hell-...Get her!" one of the lab coats commanded, before the two heavily armed men made a lunge for her. It was a bit of a struggle with all of the kicking and biting, but they managed to subdue the abnormally strong female and escort her back to the main AI chamber. Chell could just hear GLaDOS's voice in her mind.

_You idiot._

"Look what we found! She was just sitting in the hallway." They announced to the room, whose workings ground to a halt at their grand entrance. Pushing her further into the room and blocking her exit, they kept their weapons at the ready in case she tried anything while Chell looked back and forth at them like a wild dog that had been cornered. While it registered in her mind that the parts of GLaDOS were still on the floor like a pile of junk, she did her best not to pay attention to them and desperately tried to come up with a plan to escape. It was just her luck that humans were not – in fact – turrets, and couldn't be as easily deceived. Also, bullets hurt. That much she did know.

"Who is she?" a man in a suit finally stepped forward from over at one of the computer consoles to address them. The boss man, then, she figured.

"We don't know, sir. We just found her, but she's got Aperture written all over her. Smells like it, too." One soldier wrinkled his nose and rubbed his hand on his uniform as if to remove the filth it had picked up by manhandling the test subject.

"I'm surprised anyone has survived down here with this thing on a rampage. Gladus, or whatever it is called. She must be special." His moustache twitched like a hairy caterpillar as he sniffed. It made her itchy just thinking about it. "What's your name, girl? How about getting some revenge and helping out Black Mesa while you're at it? We can reward you for your efforts." He added as an afterthought.

Chell didn't have the heart to tell them that any rewards made in the heart of Aperture were most likely pipe dreams. Pipes filled with neurotoxin. And definitely not cake. And while the idea sounded lovely, she knew it wasn't in her best interests.

"Well?"

What to do, what to do? Stick with the plan? Ruin it entirely and likely get killed either way? Or..._alter_ the plan? Yes, that was a most excellent idea!

"Beans?"

"_Beans_?" he repeated, somewhat bewildered and wondering if he'd heard her correctly.

"BEANS!" Chell loudly yelled, pointing at the remains of GLaDOS with the most horrifyingly stupid grin she could muster, plastered across her face. Brain damage always worked a treat for her in the past. The noise she was making, however, did startle some soldiers into inching their fingers closer towards the triggers.

"Uh..."

Bounding towards the bits and pieces on the floor, she began sorting through them until she found a couple of screws, which she unashamedly stuffed into her mouth with nary a second thought. It had the desired effect, and sent them all into a frenzy.

"STOP HER!"

"SHE'S EATING IT!"

Once again, Chell was set upon. Only this time she didn't struggle as much, and had oily fingers shoved into her mouth to remove the precious bits and pieces before she was restrained once again. Her face screwed up into what she could only hope was an incalculably sad expression, doing her best to bring tears to her eyes.

"Beeee-eeaaaaaaaans!" she howled, her voice hitching from lack of use.

"Oh, will you shut her up! Get her some food or something before she eats everything. She's probably starving. She must be one of those test subjects they had down here. Probably has all sorts of brain damage. Bloody useless." The scientist grunted, but did try to approach the wailing woman with the food she had presumably been crying out for. "Um...there there? Look what I've got. Yummy things?" he tried to console her. "It's not beans. Just soup. Still good." Pulling the ring top open and waving it under her nose, he was quite pleased when Chell immediately shut up and took it from him.

Settling herself on the floor with her legs spread and the can of vegetable soup between them, she began dipping her finger in it and then sucking it until it was all gone in what she hoped was a childlike manner. It tasted slightly like sweat and dirt, but she had to admit, the soup was marvellous compared to the old cans of beans and rations that she had found lying around that she was used to surviving on. And it was much fresher, too. Deliberately taking her time so that they would lose interest in watching he and go back to whatever it was they were doing, Chell risked a brief glance up to inspect the position of the cameras in the room. Oh boy, she was going to get it later on from the AI; that was certain. Raising the can to her mouth and slurping down the last of the soup, she staggered to her feet again and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before walking out the door. Well, she tried, at least. The two guards there just shoved her back with her racing heart.

"...Want to go to space?" All she received were curiously amused looks from the helmeted men. "Five thousand pounds chocolate cake mix. Cubes with legs. I want to go on an adventure!" she tried the door again, but was once again blocked by grinning face.

"Look, she's absolutely mental. What were they doing down here with this lot?" one of them pondered.

"Oh, just let her go. She's not going to be any help. She'll probably just starve to death down here like the others anyway. Poor bastards." The moustache twitched again, and a hand was waved. Almost immediately, the way forward was clear.

* * *

><p>Reminding herself not to rush, Chell meandered down the hallway, trilling happily to herself until she could no longer hear them. Once out of range, she let out a long groan and sigh of relief as her heart started to come back to a relatively normal rate. That was a feat in itself, given the adrenal vapours being circulated. How the hell had she managed to get herself out of that not-so-little kerfuffle? Deciding not to worry herself over it too much, she returned to racing down further into Aperture towards the warehouses as best as she could. Some of it she recognised, some of it was remembered from the floor plans. Most of it was guesswork and reading signs. But she made it.<p>

Warehouse 3.

Which just so happened to be filled with crates. And more crates.

Blinking tiredly, Chell began the arduous process of attempting to match some of the goods and sectors on the list with what she was seeing in front of her. Much of it had long since disappeared or had been relocated, but thankfully the contents of some boxes were printed on the side. Others were very difficult to read or had no identifying marks at all. Searching for the least dusty box in hopes that it would be one that had been recently opened proved to be much more successful. Because before long, she was pulling out the familiar weight of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device and attaching it firmly to her arm. Now that felt _much_ better.

With her heart and her step much lighter; Chell readied herself to return to Doug and GLaDOS when something else caught her eye. A small crate nestled between two larger ones and almost out of sight, save for the bold stencil print on the side.

**GLaDOS SPARE PARTS.**

Well now, that was interesting indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Yes, if you can't tell I've had an obsession with baked beans lately. They are delicious. Also, you guys are making it extraordinarily hard not to just post chapters as soon as I write them from all the lovely reviews so far. I'm trying to stay at least one chapter ahead of myself so that I'll have something to post for you all if I come across the dreaded writers block. It's so hard not to just click the upload button.

* * *

><p>When she returned to their hideaway, Rattman was nowhere to be found. Just GLaDOS, who had appropriated the Companion Cube as a chair to sit on to wait for her with a blank, unreadable expression. All in all, she felt she was doing a rather good job at keeping a straight face when confronted with the Test Subject from Hell. Chell, however, was not quite so good at the staring game in that she was supposed to keep her eyes on said face. Instead they were drawn to the smooth legs of the android, whose skirt had risen on them just a little bit more than what was considered proper from her chosen position on the cube. Chell could feel her blood pressure rise just a little, pulsating at the backs of her eyes as her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She quickly averted her gaze back to GLaDOS's as the AI seemingly melted off the Cube in one fluid movement to approach her. Well, there went her heart rate again, jumping at each click of GLaDOS's high heels on the solid concrete floor. Once in range, a hand shot out to grab her by the throat. It took all her self control not to let out a squeak. The portal gun and the bag of parts she had obtained went clattering to the floor unnoticed as her hand grasped around the strong wrist.<p>

"You ate me. You opened your dirty mouth...AND YOU ATE ME!" GLaDOS shrieked, her voice rising from a sultry drawl to the exact pitch of 'Homicidal Ex-Girlfriend' in just a few short syllables. "You didn't even _do_ _punching_." She hissed, leaning in so close that even Chell could see the purple flecks that made up the lovely blue-grey shade of her eyes. "I shouldn't be surprised. I should have known you'd try to eat your way out of at least one test. Why didn't I think of that before? I suppose I'm just fortunate enough that the microphones are non-operational at the current point in time, because I _really_ don't want to know what had your bulbous tongue moving in such a fashion that it resulted in you placing me in your mouth and _sucking on me_."

At least she had the good grace to look abashed, GLaDOS noted. Still, it was a horrifying experience to watch your former test subject consuming your deconstructed body on that security footage. It was times like this that she wished she could actually breathe. That human motion of expelling air in a sigh or a huff seemed an appropriate way of relieving tension in this form, as opposed to having a sound file and just copying the movement. Still, it would have to suffice for now. Giving Chell's neck a warning squeeze, she finally let her go.

"I see you obtained the portal device though. So that's something."

Something that would have to be fixed, that is.

Two of the large prongs of the ASHPD were a little bent out of shape and sparked when it was turned on. GLaDOS wasn't terribly happy about that, but it did give her something to work on while waiting for the next round of information to come through on the laptop. There were plenty of odds and ends about to fix it with, and her impressive grip strength did the rest of the work. Chell on the other hand, was utterly bored after tucking the satchel of goodies away in a corner in hopes that the AI wouldn't notice and demand to see what was in it. Who knew what kinds of important things lurked in there, after all. Most of it just looked like junk to the uneducated test subject, but _she_ might have other things to say about it if she saw it. For now it was just best to keep quiet and let her think it was more cans of food.

When Doug finally returned to the fold, he brought with him an assortment of delightful goodies. She could have kissed him when he pulled out a full pack of playing cards. A broad grin spread across her face when she realized they were Aperture branded and had pictures to match; Caroline was the Queen of Hearts; GLaDOS the Queen of Diamonds; the Companion Cube the Six of Hearts; Cave Johnson the King of Spades and Wheatley was the Joker. Doug, however, had made a quick addition to the deck by taping a smaller picture he'd drawn of Chell over the Ace of Hearts. It brought a large grin to her face, and they quite happily played some made up and utterly incomprehensible version of...something.

GLaDOS didn't particularly care for card games, but she was fairly sure they shouldn't have been able to yell "Go fish!" while playing Blackjack. Not to mention the fact that Chell's smile was making her feel utterly uncomfortable. Test subjects were not supposed to smile. Cry, yell, die and leak their disgusting bodily fluids all over her precious facility; yes. But not smiling. It was against the rules. She made a quick sweep of her testing protocols. Okay, so maybe it wasn't a rule, but all the other ones combined made it clear that this was not supposed to be a pleasant experience for anyone in a jumpsuit. GLaDOS scowled, though she wasn't entirely sure why.

When the thrill of cards had worn off, Chell retired to her bed and stared at the cracks in the ceiling. They proved to be far less entertaining than the way that GLaDOS's shoe was hanging precariously off her extended toes as she lazily flicked it back and forth against her heel while pondering the information in front of her. Tucking an arm beneath her head, Chell settled down quietly. The metronome-like quality of the action lulled the bored woman into a dazed stupor that was somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, only to be jolted awake when she realized that the AI had moved and was laying down next to her. How long had she been laying there in that peaceful daze? Her arm was numb and her back was stiff, so it had to be a good few hours, she reasoned. Chell was once again confronted with the back of the AI's head while she tried to get some feeling into her tingling limb.

"Tomorrow, your first task is to have a shower. You're creating your own biological warfare device. You smell terrible."

Chell sniffed her armpit and gagged.

Yes. Good idea.

* * *

><p>To borrow a phrase from a certain personality core that shall remain nameless:<p>

_Man alive. This is brilliant!_

She stood under the hot water that poured down in torrents over her head with a look upon her face that would have made even the most brain damaged test subjects query as to whether there was something wrong with her.

'Sweet Jesus this feels good. I don't even know what a Jesus is. But-..._Ohhh_.' fighting to keep her internal moan internal, Chell lazily scrubbed at her arms as her eyes closed in bliss. It was so very hard to admit, but GLaDOS was definitely winning some points with this idea. If this had been the reward for testing, she might have even packed up her bags and moved in here permanently. Okay, so that was an exaggeration. She didn't technically _have_ bags. Except for that one that was apparently stuffed full of GLaDOS, and that didn't count. Still, the thought was there.

The little shower area that had been set up was right next to the main alcove they were inhabiting – just around the corner in fact – as Doug had set it up once upon a time due to the drainage being better in that area. Of course, it meant that there were no doors or enclosed spaces, so it was a little chilly on her behind, but as far as she was concerned it was the best scientific invention since...whatever came before showers. Baths maybe. She had no idea.

And as far as _Doug_ was concerned, it offered quite the jaw-dropping view of her reflection against the polished metal walls that surrounded them. His first attempt not to choke on his own saliva resulted in him choking on his own saliva; the second in drooling into his beard and feeling distinctly _uncomfortable_ elsewhere. Moments of clarity amongst the psychosis of his dreams and hallucinations were common enough, but were also torturous. At least when he was off with the faeries he could believe he was in a happy place. This _real_ place, however, was just a little _too_ happy. Rubbing furiously at his beard, he knew the movements wouldn't alert GLaDOS, who was once again thoroughly engrossed in what she was doing while bent over the Companion Cube. His silence, however, would. He had to be careful.

It felt sort of wrong, staring at Chell like that. He knew he shouldn't look. But he'd become obsessed with her when he first found her in stasis and that obsession kept him holding on to the last dregs of his sanity so as to guide her into defeating the dark queen that was now their roommate. And bloody hell she was nice to look at. Chell, that was. Not GLaDOS. Well...this form, maybe, but he still thought too much of her as a murderous bitch to ever consider THAT possibility. She probably had...mashy spike plates down there or something. It was such a shame he didn't have any more pills. And maybe a razor for a nice shave. Maybe Chell would look at him differently then. Curling up on his side under the lab coat where he could still clearly see the sinful reflection dancing against the flickering light, Doug did his best to calm the pounding in his chest.

It was just his luck that he had forgotten that the mistress of surveillance was in the room with him. GLaDOS was well versed in the art of watching without making it look like she was watching. And she _knew_ when something needed to be watched. Once she was satisfied that Doug had turned his attentions away from her, she finally peered up from her work and studied him. Following his line of sight, she was soon grinning to herself. Pulling the glasses from where they were perched upon her nose, GLaDOS began to chew on the end somewhat absentmindedly as she too began to stare. She wasn't entirely sure why she was staring at that-...surprisingly appropriately proportioned _monster_...She reminded herself, but if anyone asked, it was because she was thinking. So, Rattmann really did have a thing for little Chell. Big Chell. Definitely big. Huge, in fact. Fat, adopted [Subject Name Here]. But, perhaps this new data could be used to her advantage. It wouldn't do to miss out on any potential leverage she could use against them if they attempted to murder her again.

She filed it away for later use.

As well as the video footage.

For science.

* * *

><p>When Chell returned to the main room drying off her hair and wearing a new, clean jumpsuit and singlet, she was met with a pair of odd stares that stopped her in her tracks. Doug immediately hid himself under the lab coat when she looked at him. Nothing terribly weird about his behaviour, given the way he normally acted. But GLaDOS, on the other hand? That cheeky little smirk she was giving her over the top of her glasses suggested that she was up to something. She wasn't entirely sure she liked the way it made her feel, either. But she wasn't going to let it ruin her lovely shower either. So Chell chose to ignore it and sat down on a couple of crates to begin the process of disentangling her hair with her fingers.<p>

"You're making it worse, you know."

An exasperated sigh was her only answer as the woman looked up from behind her hands and a mess of hair. GLaDOS simply cleared a spot on the edge of the Companion Cube and patted it gently in invitation. It was time to test Mr D Rattmann. [Subject Name Here]'s reaction would simply be bonus data for reference.

Although Chell had her suspicions about what the AI was up to, she didn't particularly like the idea of spending forever trying to get the tangles out. If she thought she could do it better, then perhaps she should let her. Struggling back to her feet only to plonk herself on top of the Companion Cube where indicated, she soon had the dextrous fingers of her nemesis massaging her scalp and running through the moist strands atop her head. Chell closed her eyes. She couldn't help it.

'Damn you to android hell, GLaDOS.'

* * *

><p>Oh. Oh this was spectacular.<p>

From the corner of her eye she watched the reactions of the madman in the corner as he peeked out to see what it was that had lulled both homicidal killing machine and GLaDOS into a state of peaceful silence. He went a most delightful shade of sickly grey. The cycle of expressions he went through from curious to incredulous to intrigued and then to jealousy had the AI gleefully crowing away in her own mind at her success. How exciting! How amusing! She'd have plenty to taunt him with later. Then again why wait until later, GLaDOS thought, when she could just as easily do it now by running her fingers down the back of Chell's neck and massaging the taut muscles there? From the look of open-mouthed bliss on her face, she certainly didn't seem to mind the extra attention.

[_**Bonus Data Achieved**_]

Running her fingers through Chell's hair felt _amazing_.

[_**End Bonus Data**_]


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Just in reply to some lovely reviews that have been sent in so far...

**PheobeLeo35:** The story most likely won't be M rated. I wasn't too sure where I wanted to go with it, but it's definitely not going to be a flat out PWP. The rating will probably change in the future if I remember to switch it. Fear not, everyone else! There will still be robo-sexytime goodness.

**Bee:** I think that's the first marriage proposal I've ever gotten from just writing something. It didn't sound like I have much of a choice but to accept it. But oh well. We do what we must, because we can.

**Vaniterra:** I agree. One cannot have too much ChellDOS. I shall remedy this in the name of science.

To everyone else, thanks for reviewing. I look forward to hearing from you all. Feel free to speculate, suggest, and constrictively criticise. All of it helps, and may make me consider possibilities for this story or others in the future. (I plan on writing plenty of ChellDOS.)

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><p>It would seem that GLaDOS's attentive hands had been a godsend for the ever-tense test subject, as she woke the next morning feeling relaxed and warm. It reminded her of the hours she spent just aimlessly wandering around that wheat field before lying down and letting the sun caress her skin. Now it was just a dreamland in which she was curled up around the biggest, softest teddy bear she could find. Not content to open her eyes just yet, Chell snuggled into the bear that oddly enough smelled like warm silicone and metal shavings. It was pleasant, if a little out of place and somewhat familiar. Smiling against the neck of her oversized toy as the fur tickled her nose; she kicked one leg out and over it to draw it closer to her while murmuring in contentment. This was absolutely delightful.<p>

Also completely, utterly, horribly mortifying when she remembered that she wasn't out in a sun kissed field of golden wheat; she didn't have a teddy bear; and for that matter, teddy bears do not smell like silicone and metal shavings.

But GLaDOS did.

Chell didn't want to open her eyes. Let her think she was dead. Oh God. This could NOT be happening. But it was. And now she had to deal with it. Did the AI know she was awake? She certainly wasn't game enough to risk a peek to find out. Still, she hadn't said anything. And for however embarrassing it was, she was enjoying being tightly pressed up against the Queen of Aperture. It felt nice. Shockingly nice, in fact. The generator she was using to power this body was spectacular. It was much better than the numbing coldness of the rest of the facility. Chell squeezed her leg tighter around GLaDOS's waist and drew her closer. Maybe just a few more minutes...

"I know you're awake." spoke the husky voice, rather amusedly.

Nope. Definitely not. Naptime was over.

Then again, since when did she ever listen to GLaDOS in the first place? Just to spite her, Chell raised her hand and clasped it firmly over the mouth of her self-proclaimed Aperture Science Limited Edition Portable Napping Associate and pressed her face against her neck with a soft sigh. Now she'd invented something too, and she wasn't even fully awake yet. How's that for science?

GLaDOS could feel the smile creeping its way onto Chell's face against the back of her neck as she buried herself deeper into the lab coats and snuggled in closer. And while she didn't actually need her mouth to use her speakers, she decided to let the lunatic believe what she wanted for now. Quite unaware as to why she was allowing this blatant disregard for personal space, the AI remained where she was, much to the surprise (and pleasure) of Chell. It was providing a minimal amount of useful data and a hefty amount of speculation on her part, though. Like whether keeping test subjects warm and content when engaging in mandatory sleeping activities would assist in longer and more effective test participation times. It would, however, require thorough testing in itself to determine the accuracy of the collected data. At any rate, initial analysis concluded that relaxation was an unknown factor in completely obliterating any harsh feelings that test subjects had towards their captor. Chell was an anomaly where data was concerned, and couldn't be relied upon. The brain damaged lunatic probably had Stockholm's Syndrome. Spending so much of her time with robots couldn't be healthy for the psyche.

GLaDOS looked down to where the once again sleeping Chell's hand had slipped off her mouth and snuck down to rest upon her breast.

Definitely not healthy, she concluded.

* * *

><p>For the next few hours, GLaDOS lazily drifted in and out of standby mode as she waited for Chell to wake up. It was an odd feeling, not testing all through the night. Sure, she did drift off for a few hours every now and again to give her processors a cool down period, but to deliberately forego testing and remain on standby when there was science to do was nearly incomprehensible to the AI. Furthermore, to let a test subject so close as to be able to feel their soft puffs of breath moistening her neck was just bad practice. The scientist in her, however, said that all outcomes must be considered when testing – not just the ones that she liked or disliked. So GLaDOS forced herself to remain immobile to see where her actions would take her. She soon found, that perhaps this relaxation thing had its merits. It certainly wasn't doing her any harm, and it HAD been <em>such<em> a long time since human hands had been laid on her in a remotely gentle or affectionate manner. Even if these hands had been used to murder her in the past. Twice.

GLaDOS drifted back off into sleep mode, not even noticing when Doug had gotten to his feet to start the day.

* * *

><p>When the android finally came back into the world of consciousness, it was with a sharp twitch. Had she been dreaming? She did have some awareness of the outside world, just from a safety perspective. It was a built in mechanism in case anything went wrong in the management of the facility while she was powered down. But there was something tugging at the back of her mind. Something unreal; something she couldn't explain. It certainly felt like the descriptions that humans had expressed about what they went through while unconscious, but she couldn't remember any of it. Blinking away the unwanted feeling, GLaDOS was momentarily taken aback at seeing Chell and Doug looming over her with looks of concern etched upon their faces. When had the woman gotten out of bed? Better yet, <em>how<em> had she gotten out of bed without her noticing? GLaDOS was normally aware of even the slightest movements of anything around her, be it humans, mice or _birds_. And yet somehow these two had managed to circumvent her safety and self preservation protocols. Had they somehow managed to switch her off during the night, or was it Black Mesa's doing? Either way, it alarmed the android enough to whisk her into an internal state of panic. Of course, she'd never show it to them.

"Are you okay?" Doug asked softly, peering over Chell's shoulder.

"I am perfectly fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? Are you suggesting there is something wrong with me? I'll have you know I am one of the most sophisticated-..." GLaDOS was cut off on her rant.

"The Queen didn't wake up. Science is calling." The schizophrenic programmer added quickly. "You always wake up. No time for quiet. Always working. Science to do. For science."

GLaDOS narrowed her eyes at the two of them, Chell's hand falling from her shoulder as she sat up. "The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that shut down procedures are a required part of proper facility maintenance to circumvent the overheating of the central core. When overheating is detected from test subjects – that means _you_, [Subject Name Here] – blocking ventilation and cooling systems with their generous body fat content, a mandatory stasis period is enforced and all testing procedures are placed on temporary hold." GLaDOS lied. Well, some of it was true, but they didn't need to know which parts. "Also, it is possible that your leaking saliva may have caused me to short circuit, if what you are saying is true. My sensors indicate that neck is still wet. You should work on that. You know; the not drooling on me in your sleep part." She scrubbed the back of her neck with her sleeve.

Chell's lips pursed together in a look of displeasure. She could tell the AI was hiding something. She may have just been imagining the expression in her eyes from spending such a long time without regular human interaction, but there was something in those artificial eyes that suggested that GLaDOS was far more worried than she let on.

"At any rate, you should relocate to another part of the room. The continuation of important science-based activities cannot proceed if the congenital malformation you call a nose breaks my cranial encasing and damages my central processing unit when I stand up."

GLaDOS was always one for the over dramatisation of even the simplest activities, thought Chell. It was something for her to do between (and during) tests, she supposed, and proceeded to get out of the android's way. Reverting back to petty insults seemed to be a defence mechanism for her as well. After all, she really was only there for her mind and intelligence. She hadn't been built for anything else. Before she created this analogue, GLaDOS didn't even technically have arms with which to defend herself; other than mechanical claws. And really, against a whole bunch of heavily equipped scientists and soldiers, she was no match for them. Even against Chell, she had no proper defence once she reached the main AI chamber. Neurotoxin and turrets could be disabled easily enough if someone knew what they were doing. Words were all she had. And that was kind of sad.

Tugging Doug by the coat to get come with her, Chell led him over to the pictures on the wall to try and get him to tell her about them. Not that he needed much prompting. It would give GLaDOS time to collect herself and settle down – she didn't play well with others when she felt insulted or entrapped. Besides, it was the least she could do for drooling on her, even if she didn't appreciate or recognise what her test subject was up to.

"Oh no. _Nonononono_!" came the moaning wail from the AI in question, who had seated herself in front of the laptop.

The noise struck a chord within her former test subject, who flinched in guilt. It was the same wail that she herself had caused the AI to utter when ripping her from her throne and instating Wheatley as the lord and master of Aperture. Both Doug and Chell turned to face her to see what was wrong.

"They are installing a wireless kill-switch and test euphoria regulator...If they put those-..._Oh no_..." GLaDOS repeated, frantically banging away at the keyboard. "If they install those in the right places...then I am going to lose control of this entire facility. They'll make me..._behave_." she hissed, the tinny crackle of her speakers and clenched fists causing Doug to sneak in behind Chell a little further to escape the AI's wrath.

Really, Chell couldn't blame him for that. The furious look on that artificial face was enough to disturb her as well. To top that off he'd been the one to try and warn everyone that she was bad news right from the beginning and when they tried to install those cores on her. He was well within his rights to be terrified of what she was going to do. At least she had survived a face-to-cranial-encasing encounter with her – he'd only survived by sheer luck and living between the walls like a rat. Yet despite the suicide mission she was exposing herself to by potentially provoking the AI, Chell still stepped forward to place a hand on GLaDOS's shoulder, squeezing it in support. When she tore herself away from the laptop long enough to look up, her test subject gave her a wicked grin, and pressed the lemon she'd pilfered from a nearby shelf into her hand.

The sour fruit was made quick work of; it exploded under the crushing grip of the enraged android, the sticky juice dribbling down her fingers as the rind was discarded on the floor.

Oh, _yes_. GLaDOS returned the grin.

_**Get mad.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Happy birthday, Vaniterra! Glad my writings could make your day. Dunno what time it is where you are or even if it's the same day, but here's another chapter for you in celebration! Enjoy!

* * *

><p>As it turned out, punching hadn't been such a great plan after all. Chell winced as GLaDOS tightened the bandages around her aching and bloody hand. One had to take into consideration all the things. Namely, one should not punch people when said people are wearing helmets. It's really not as effective as it should be. Neither are portal devices when cornered in an area with surfaces that are not able to have portals placed on them. They really should have thought it through a little better. If Doug hadn't lobbed his Companion Cube at the man standing over her, she'd probably be more full of bullets than GLaDOS had sarcastic comments. And that was a considerable amount. So not only was her pride smarting, but her face and ribs as well. Now she had a split lip and an ever-so wonderful shade of bluish black around one of her eyes to go with it.<p>

GLaDOS already had the bare basics of a first aid kit set up by the time that she and Doug had returned from that failed mission to sneak attack a couple of the guards who were wandering about in hopes they might have something useful on them. She hadn't said anything so far, but it seemed they were all just waiting for her to blow up at them. Taking Chell's chin in her hand, she tipped her face up to better see what she was working on as she none-too-gently dabbed at her lip with a piece of alcohol soaked gauze.

"While I recall telling you that destroying things was your part of the plan, it seems that I need to be much more specific in what you should be destroying. Let me give you a hint; it's not you. I seriously cannot believe that you thought it would be a good idea to hit someone in full body armour. It doesn't even look soft. I may need to update my equipment, because the scans I have on file for you clearly underestimate the amount of brain damage you have. This is terrible." GLaDOS wearily sighed. "Do you even realize how far back you're setting the progression of science? I had a plan, and you've ruined it. Now we have no plan. Again. We might as well wait for birds to peck us to death, because that's where we will be with no plan. Dead."

'Now you just wait a potato-pecking minute.' thought Chell. 'We had no plan when you were a tuber, and I seem to recall that working out okay.' Let the snarky AI think she was mute. She wasn't going to dignify it with a response. She was still alive and she wasn't brain damaged either. The room was spinning a little, yeah, but other than that she was perfectly fin-...oh dear.

GLaDOS blankly looked down at the front of her once pristine attire, which was now covered in Chell's vomit.

"I'm adding that to the long list of horrible things you've done to me, you _monster_."

* * *

><p>After that little incident was cleaned up as best as possible, Chell was placed on enforced bed rest for her obvious brain damage. GLaDOS had helpfully suggested the use of full body restraints and a large plastic bag taped to her mouth to catch any further excretions, but changed her mind upon seeing the death glare she was getting from her former test subject. She'd probably only chew a hole in the bag so it would get everywhere anyway, the AI mused. The bed rest did, however, present her with the opportunity to go and search for a new shirt from the articles of clothing left around the facility. Finding one that fit, however, was much more of a challenge, especially since most of the staff had been male. After raiding Caroline's wardrobe, she came away with a black button up blouse. GLaDOS was sure the woman would have gotten a real laugh out of the fact that they still fit so well together despite their differences.<p>

Stomping her way back to their hiding place, the AI pulled her lab coat back on and observed the resting form of Chell. As much as she loathed to admit it, she did need her help and it was in both of their best interests to get her better as quickly as possible. In some ways, she had a soft spot for the test subject that had systematically destroyed her and her facility multiple times. Her tenaciousness proved to be exhilarating for the scientist in her to observe. All the others had just turned into quivering blobs, unable to test. Or they died. But Chell? No, she just kept going, day and night, never stopping until she got what she wanted. They were alike in that way. Chell just didn't have the luxury of a nuclear power source, and required sustenance and sleep to survive. And medical attention, even if she was reluctant to accept it at first.

* * *

><p>GLaDOS found herself pressing a cold cloth to Chell's bruised eye before she even knew what she was doing. Actually, that was a lie; her processors worked much faster than that. The action still caused her ward to startle, having not expected anything to touch her. She stared curiously up at the android that wore such a serious expression. It puzzled her as to why the AI was being so attentive lately; she could only chalk it up as having an agenda unto herself. Regardless of the measurements of her grip strength, GLaDOS was definitely not a physical fighter. The high heels, glasses and skirt were a testament to that. She was so very different from the lean, taught muscle of Chell. She needed her. That had to be it. Needed her to test, needed her to fight. There was only so much a computer could do. Without her, GLaDOS was helpless. And that was a powerful feeling indeed.<p>

But no how much she ached to be able to rub it in her face after all the time the supercomputer had spent taunting her, she didn't. She was better than that. She knew that GLaDOS needed that feeling of intellectual superiority to justify her existence. After all, what else did she have? Chell couldn't really imagine what it would be like to one day just exist; to have this infinite knowledge of a world she'd never seen before, only to have all her achievements thrown in her face or stolen from her because she wasn't "_real_" like the people that had created her. Sure, there was a lot of her own childhood that she couldn't remember, but at least she wasn't just switched on one day and was expected to do things for a bunch of science geeks who didn't want to believe that what they had created was _alive_. And then to have to suffer the indignity of being tied down; controlled; made to _behave_. Chell rather suspected that the biggest insult of it all was having the Intelligence Dampening Sphere placed on her from the way she reacted to Wheatley. They had stripped her bare and ripped the last of her dignity from her that day. To be told she was too smart, too powerful...GLaDOS could have solved the problems of the world in a single day, Chell liked to believe; if only they had let her. And so that was why – instead of pushing her hand away – she closed her eyes and let the AI take over; giving her some measure of power back over the human hands that destroyed her.

It really wasn't that bad, after all.

* * *

><p>If GLaDOS ever decided to quit science she'd have an amazing career as a pillow, Chell concluded. At least in this form, anyway. Somehow, during the night, she'd managed to plant her face squarely between the breasts of the white-haired android, which now served as the proof of her conclusion. From the way she'd tightly wrapped her arms around her lithe body as well, she could also suppose that her unconscious mind had decided that there wasn't a damn thing that her napping associate could do about it either, and had trapped her there. But the bigger question that lingered was how she'd managed to get GLaDOS to roll over and face her in the first place. She still looked like she was in sleep mode. Actually, scratch that. The biggest question was why said napping associate was so damned <em>hot<em>. Chell wiped the sweat off her face, wondering if she'd suddenly developed a fever. That same hand was then pressed against her counterpart. Wow. She poked her own belly in contemplation. Maybe her fat really WAS blocking some kind of cooling vent? GLaDOS was burning up. Sure, she liked the fact that her generators kept her warm during the night, but this was a little on the uncomfortable side. Sitting up, she wiped off some of the sweat on her jumpsuit and then ran her hands along GLaDOS's neck and face to see if it was just as hot, and if she could just-...

No reaction.

Chell frowned in concern. Surely there should have been some kind of response? A sarcastic comment? A demand that she get her filthy, murdering hands off her? It was just...nothing. And it wasn't like she could feel for a pulse to see if she was dead either. So she shook her.

Still nothing.

It was just like the other night, but worse. She certainly hadn't been this hot, and had only woken up a bit later than them the last time. Was it Black Mesa's doing? Had they built the kill switch already? There certainly hadn't been any warnings of an imminent nuclear meltdown, but then again she had no idea how long one of those took without a moron destroying everything as well. So Chell did the only thing she could, and woke up Doug to come and have a look. She had her doubts about whether the madman could help her, or even if he was capable of it had he not been a complete loony. After all, he hadn't been one of the men working on her when she was built. But surely his knowledge of computers had to be some help.

"Too hot!"

Yep, big help that was.

He left Chell to ponder about whether a wet cloth would help cool her down like GLaDOS had tried with her eye to prevent it swelling. Maybe it was a bad idea. Robots and water didn't really mix, and she had no idea how waterproof the android was. While she was weighing up her options, Doug was pulling apart his little stove and adding bits and pieces here and there. Before long, he had reassembled the heat sink device, linking it up with several others and a fan, given that she was a bit bigger than the average computer. The only problem was figuring out where and how to attach it. Oh, and what the hell they'd say if she woke up during it. That would be up to Doug, of course. Chell grinned to herself. She'd get out of that one easily enough, but knowing GLaDOS, she'd probably try and blame Chell.

Doug looked at her in earnest, like she was supposed to figure it out. He was met with a blank stare. He nodded towards the prone body before them. She wasn't following. So he made just one more gesture, which caused her eyes to widen.

_Oh_...Oh, _nonononono_!

Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. Worst idea ever. Worse than Wheatley and those cubes with legs.

Every fibre of self preservation in her being wanted to protest this idea. But it wasn't like she had a better one. Swallowing hard against the glob of saliva and impending doom stuck in her throat, Chell took a few breaths of courage and steadied herself. Damn those adrenal vapours. Giving Doug a sharp look that screamed that he now had an obligation to do whatever it took to bury her body outside the facility far, far away from the reach of Aperture, Chell did what he suggested.

She shoved her hands up GLaDOS's shirt.

* * *

><p>Her immediate reaction was to want to yank her hands back out again, but she persisted in searching for what she was apparently looking for. Not that she knew what it was, exactly. Spreading her fingers out against the pliable silicone skin, Chell felt her face warming as quickly as her hands were. Rapidly sliding them around under the crisp linen shirt, she soon found something that felt like it could have been a join on her side. Perhaps that was it. Peering under the material, Chell dug her fingers in and pulled back the artificial skin to expose the most complex and beautiful piece of machinery that she had ever seen. Even Doug dared to have a peek at the structure of GLaDOS's innards at seeing the awestruck look on her face.<p>

It was a robotics engineer's wet dream.

She was filled with seemingly thousands of gears and screws and circuits and whatever the hell computers were made up of. All in miniature for the most effective use of space. Chell hadn't a clue about any of it, but she was at least moderately certain that Doug could name a few of the structures they were seeing. But perhaps the most eye-catching of them all were the lights. Like tiny mechanical fireflies, they flittered around the pathways that were thinner than a hair's width in nearly every colour under the sun, blinking in a constant state of flux and seeming to run and change direction wherever they pleased. And they covered everything. The only thing that Chell could compare it to was the tiny capillaries that transported blood to even the smallest cells of her own body. Only hers weren't anywhere near as exciting. The two of them sat in a quiet daze for a moment, caught like moths near a flame.

It was only then that Chell realized just how much of a genius GLaDOS truly was.

And it made her sad.


	7. Chapter 7

When the pretty little lights finally got to be too much for her and started to make her dizzy, Chell looked to Doug for help. He had one of the strangest expressions on his face. It appeared to be caught between nervous excitement, fear and the all-consuming greed of a child on Christmas morning. He didn't seem to know whether he should touch the highly sophisticated robot or risk damaging her. It all looked so very delicate, like a spider's gossamer web on the morning after a chilly night; dewdrops still sparkling in the sunlight. So naturally, he made Chell do it. After all, he'd need both hands free to hook up his makeshift invention. Firstly though, the fan was plugged into the wall and turned towards GLaDOS to hopefully cool her down a little by getting the air circulating in their little hideaway. The next task would be much harder.

A single digit was pressed ever-so-cautiously against the web of fibre optics. The effects of such an action were immediately apparent. All at once, the lights changed direction and colour, collecting in a group around the source of the stimulus. The blinking had stopped, and the colour had changed to a deep red like the eye of a turret. Chell nearly ripped her hand away when she felt the tingle of electricity zap her. It wasn't painful or unpleasant – just unexpected. She grinned when her hair tried to stand on end despite her ponytail.

Carefully moving her hands so that the delicate cables wouldn't stick to them, she shifted various parts out of the way as Doug demanded in between his ramblings. They were both given a great fright when GLaDOS twitched and spasmed, letting out a long hiss of static when Chell handled a strange, gelatinous bundle that looked like the cybernetic version of an internal organ.

'You liar. You do have squishy parts.'

It must have been some sort of nerve centre that all the little fibres were joined to. The very nature of it was spectacular to behold, as it blinked and glowed internally with all sorts of colours; changing with the pressure she put on it. When she squeezed it just right, GLaDOS's eyes snapped wide open.

They had been caught.

But as they sat there, ready to get up and run like their lives depended on it, there was no other response forthcoming. Chell had to watch as Doug hooked up the heat sinks and let them do their thing. The first oddity they noticed was that the android shut her eyes again and appeared to relax a short time later. Neither of them had even known that it was possible for a being made of solid metal and silicone to do such a thing. Perhaps this idea was going to work after all.

* * *

><p>While Chell sat in vigil over the prone AI, she found her curiosity piqued once more. Feeling as though she had to reach out and check if GLaDOS had cooled down at all, she once again started probing around. But the AI's reaction to her touch was now much different. As her components were handled, GLaDOS writhed under Chell's calloused fingers; even going so far as to let out a soft murmur that sounded suspiciously like she was actually enjoying it. It brought a contemplative frown to the face of the test subject. But her hardware was feeling much cooler now, so she let go and waited.<p>

"Whaaaat are you dooooooing to m-me? What-...What is thisssskrrrrrrrt? Are you killing me? What are you doing?" GLaDOS crackled repetitively, her eyes finally opening to focus directly on the woman in front of her. The AI still looked very much like she was dazed, or even delirious. The lifelike expressions she was capable of producing were stunningly impressive. It would have been so hard to pick her out of a crowd of humans.

"We did good." Doug reassured her, coming back from his conversation with his Companion Cube. "The Queen was baking. We turned the oven off. Put the sink in the kitchen. We did good!"

Chell's only addition to the conversation was to point at the fan and the heat sinks attached to the overheated android. GLaDOS sat up a little and looked down at what she was gesturing to. What kind of horrible, clunky mess was that? A monkey could have done better. Given the severe lack of full mental capacity and technology though, she was forced to concede his point. They did good. Whatever the hell had just happened to her was not pleasant in the slightest. And she was still a bit hot. It felt far worse than a reboot. GLaDOS lay back down and stared numbly at the ceiling. How exactly was she supposed to explain it to them when even she didn't know what was going on? It felt...familiar. But she'd been exceedingly careful after she'd killed off most of Aperture, knowing there weren't any engineers to help her should she fall victim to a critical system error or overheating. So how could it have happened before?

She fought back a shudder. Despite reasoning with herself that it was unpleasant, there was a small part of her that had enjoyed the haze. It had been little more than a swirl of muted colours and muffled whispers, most of which had been lost and forgotten. And there had a bubbling tingle somewhere deep within her. It felt...itchy. Of course, that might have just been them playing around inside her like she was some kind of toy that needed its batteries replaced. GLaDOS glared at the two of them suspiciously. They had to have done something to her. She didn't like the expression on Chell's face. Her body language recognition programs indicated that it looked too much like..._concern_. And she knew that was not possible. [Subject Name Here] was a murderer. And murderers do not care about their victim's wellbeing. Ah, that was it! They were just worried the facility was going to implode on them without her in charge. That made more sense.

"Disconnect this monstrosity from me at once." She ordered harshly, leaving no room for debate.

When that particular order was filled, Doug and Chell watched as she fixed the artificial skin back to her frame and yanked her shirt back down. They were then left staring at one another, coming to an understanding of just how disturbed by the proceedings GLaDOS really was by the way she had swiftly exited the alcove without further words to either of them.

* * *

><p>Given that she couldn't go back to the main AI chamber and lock the place down so that she was in her comfort zone, she retreated to the only other place she could think of – Caroline's dinky little office. Taking a seat behind the desk, GLaDOS wiped a finger along the surface and came back with a smudge of dust. She her best impersonation of a sigh when her eyes came across an old picture of Cave Johnson that sat in a lovely little frame in front of her. Frankly, she had no idea whether to be mad at him, or Chell, or Black Mesa. So she overturned the picture. That was Caroline's life, not hers.<p>

This was all just going downhill. Neurotoxin fixed all the problems in the past, but thanks to someone whose name shall remain redacted, that was not an option. More importantly, unless the problem was fixed, testing could not occur. And GLaDOS lived to test. Well, existed would probably be a better description. What good was she if she couldn't do that? Until she figured out how she was going to deal with the cancerous, festering desire to test that those unfortunate walking hamburgers had polluted her system with, she was just going to have to come here to the relative safety of Caroline's office whenever she needed to think. At least she knew how to deal with that woman. They had, after all, been living in the same body for a long time. And technically, they still were. She...hadn't really deleted her. Without Caroline here, GLaDOS was alone. Atlas and P-Body were useless. They didn't understand. They didn't understand that she was..._lonely_. There. She said it.

Caroline...

Caroline was someone to talk to. Someone who understood. Even Chell didn't really get it. She should have, though. At the end of the day, Chell got to go home. Chell got to choose her own path. Chell got to lie down and _die_. But GLaDOS didn't get that luxury. She just had to test. And what was it all for, anyway? It was a joke. Here she was, still doing exactly what those hamburgers wanted her to do in the first place, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. Even when she had been murdered, she had to relieve her last moments over and over, only to be dragged back again when that moron woke her up. Was it any wonder she was mad?

"_I hate you_."

* * *

><p>When GLaDOS had finally collected herself enough to feel she could return to Rattmann's den without having a conniption at anything either of them might have said or done to irritate her. When she quietly slipped in through the darkness, the first thing she saw was that Doug had vacated the area. That was good. Very good. One less irritant. Chell, however, was still wide awake, sitting on the pile of lab coats with her back to the wall as she tenderly poked at her injured lip. She had looked up at GLaDOS's arrival, and kept her gaze steadily on the android as she took a seat on top of the Companion Cube in the centre of the room. At first she tried to return the stare, but soon realized that it wasn't a challenge and left it without a word, turning to the wall to glare and to think some more. Chell, however, had a different idea, and after a few moments, climbed to her feet and positioned herself firmly in front of her so she couldn't ignore her. Fortunately, she recognised it for what it was. A request for information.<p>

"I don't know what happened. Now get out of my way and stop blocking my view with your fat face."

Obviously, neither of them had learned their lesson. Both were as stubborn as each other. It didn't seem to matter how many demands that the AI made – Chell wasn't going to listen to a single one. She placed her hand on GLaDOS's chest in defiance and also to see just how much she'd cooled down.

"What are you doing now? Stop touching me." She grumbled, knocking her hand away. Naturally, the test subject took it as an opportunity to poke and probe her sweaty, dirty, grub-like appendages anywhere she could reach. "I don't know what you're trying to accomplish by engaging in this unwanted activity, but I can assure you that it remains exactly that. Unwanted." GLaDOS's voice rose unexpectedly as two cold hands slipped across her torso beneath her shirt.

"Stop it!"

Grabbing her tightly by the wrists, she yanked Chell's hands from where they had strayed and held them out in front of her so she couldn't continue. She was met with an exasperated look which was then directed over at the heat sinks and then back to the android.

"If that was your way of finding out if I was functioning at optimal efficiency, then I can tell you that trying that particular method on humans may have undesirable effects...And now you're hugging me. Get off me. Undesirable effect deployed in three, two, o-...That's better. See that you remain like that. NOT molesting my person." GLaDOS growled.

"If you must know, I am perfectly fine and I do not need to be coddled by your squishy displays of affection." She haughtily informed her, straightening out her lab coat and inspecting it for any dirt that she was sure that the test subject must have left on her.

As far as Chell was concerned, she wasn't fine. Not by a long shot. She hadn't done anything about Black Mesa; she kept getting overheated and not waking up; and to top it off, she actually let herself be hugged. Granted, she didn't exactly return the gesture and the redness around Chell's wrists was a little tender, but she clearly wasn't running at 'optimal efficiency'. If it was any consolation though, she was back with her regular snarky comments and could almost be considered to be buzzing contentedly around the little alcove as she got straight back into working.

'You don't fool me at all, GLaDOS.'

* * *

><p>But the peace was disturbed by the clatter and clang of the satchel that Doug had promptly tripped over upon his return with an armload of office supplies that he had looted. Pencils went scattering everywhere, and Chell leapt to her feet in fear as a couple of the spare parts skidded along the ground. Quickly stuffing them back in the bag, it was only then that she went to help Doug, who looked even more dazed and confused than usual. Her course of action only served to draw the curious gaze of the android, who had decided that it was worth investigating while the woman was examining their companion for any injuries. Her hand reached towards the satchel, but was promptly slapped out of the way by the test subject who had seen what was going to happen and leapt into her path. The women stood toe to toe, sizing each other up.<p>

"CAT FIGHT!" Doug yelled gleefully, his eyes wide with excitement.

Of course, he quickly shut up and cowered once their vicious glares were turned on him.

"I think you know what happened the last time people gave me cats. I certainly won that round. Unfortunately, someone here has disabled my neurotoxin generator. So it seems we are at an impasse. I'll let it go this time. I'm nice like that."

Still, Chell stood with muscles tensed and nostrils flared in challenge until the AI finally backed down and returned to what she was doing. GLaDOS kept a careful and wary eye on her as she picked up the satchel and portal gun, and left the room. Whatever was in that bag was important, and secret.

GLaDOS hated secrets.

Unless they were her own. In which case, they were marvellous.

And this secret was definitely NOT her own.


	8. Chapter 8

"What were they thinking when they made this mess of a creature?"

A harsh sigh broke the silence of the chamber; the caterpillar moustache twitching like it was having a seizure under the nose of the project leader.

"This is the most complicated-...I don't-...It's just-...Ugh! It makes no sense. This place is a complete loony bin. Someone remind me why we're still here." he groaned, rubbing at his eyes as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing on the screen over the shoulder of one of the programmers.

"Because there's still someone out there with his head further up his ass than you, Eli. We're here because we have to be." One of them chortled, earning a glare from the balding man. "Can't say I disagree with you though. These files are all over the place. I've never seen something that could be so impossibly stupid and ingenious at the same time. It all works. I just have no idea what any of it actually _does_." Another file was opened with a yawn.

"Well we'd better get something to show for all of this soon to keep everyone happy. I can't afford to tear any more of my hair out over this. Have you installed anything yet?"

"Bits and pieces. If this was like it was supposed to be, we would be halfway done by now. It's just a matter of sorting through all these files. I mean seriously, why is there a recipe for cake with dirt in here? If that thing hadn't scared the piss out of me and tried to kill us all when we first got here, I'd be inclined to think that this was just a fake terminal."

Eli just shook his head. "Johnson is probably rolling in his grave right about now; having a real laugh at us." Stepping away from the terminal, he made his way towards the huge core that was sitting on the floor amongst a bunch of other bits and pieces. The once yellow optic was now dead to the world, but it was still an intimidating sight to behold. Its head alone was as big as he was. And it was the only part he had ordered to be left intact after they had pulled the rest of that metal beast apart. If he hadn't been intent on gaining control over this facility, he'd almost be inclined to mount it on his wall like some trophy. It was all it deserved after what it had done to a good portion of his team. But humanity had triumphed over the great leviathan that risen high above them, thrashing wildly and crushing grown men into bloody smears that screamed and gurgled until they could do so no more.

And it screamed too. He'd never forget that.

In all his life, he'd never heard a computer scream so readily; so mournfully. It was terrifying.

And frankly, he never wanted to hear it again.

It had almost blown out the entire speaker system as it echoed across the facility. Eli couldn't rightfully say that he knew why Aperture had installed that whole "testing euphoria" thing. Robots couldn't feel pleasure. They were robots. But he'd be damned if he didn't agree that it worked. Once he'd figured out that it could also feel some simulated version of pain, he hadn't hesitated to press that button. Again. And again. And again. He hadn't stopped until his men were soaked with sweat and GLaDOS was cowering on the floor of the chamber, finally too weak to stop them from binding her down with heavy chains and anchoring them so she couldn't move. And then they took her apart. Piece-by-God-damn-piece. Didn't even bother to shut her down first. Let the monster suffer. If it could force him to slip and slide through the entrails of his colleagues, then it could watch them systematically disembowel its own body.

It didn't stop screaming until they'd ripped it from the roof and tore off its head.

Served it right.

Fucking robots.

* * *

><p>It made Doug smile.<p>

The way those two interacted was a sight to behold. That and it just plain hilarious. Chell currently had GLaDOS bailed up in the corner, wailing miserably at the fact that her horrible nature was showing again. And why had it happened? It was all because of a bird. A sparrow, to be precise. A sparrow that Chell had caught, and was now playfully trying to "show" their robotic roommate.

"_Nononono_! Get it away! Don't come any closer with that thing!" she shrieked, backing further into the corner at the sight of the little bird chirping away angrily in the meat wad of that monster's fist.

"IT'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"

Doug couldn't hold it in any longer, and burst out into a fit of roaring laughter as he clutched his belly.

"Oh it's easy for you to laugh, you lunatic! I don't see it staring at you with its cold avian eyes, snapping its razor sharp beak and trying figure out the best way to _rip your flesh open_ with its talons!" GLaDOS wailed. "You're monsters! You're all _monsters_!"

Chell's face was contorted into the ugliest mess of an expression that GLaDOS had ever seen. It was bright red with laughter that she refused to allow her to hear. It must have just been _killing_ her not to let it out like Doug was. She thrust the chirping sparrow towards her again, which garnered another shriek from the android, who waved her arms around frantically before deciding they were of better use covering her head.

"I HAVE LEGS AND THEY WON'T MOVE!"

That caused Doug to fall into another round of riotous laughter, teardrops sparkling at the edge of his eyes.

"It's disabled my mobility devices! It has powers! IT'S EVIL! KILL IT!"

He was sure that a little bit of pee came out that time.

Eventually, Chell had mercy upon the terrified AI and let the sparrow out past the panelling. She was sure GLaDOS would complain about that, but she wasn't about to go for a stroll and miss out on all the fun, just to let a bird outside the facility. Wiping tears of laughter from her own eyes, she returned to the room to find that the object of her torment had slid down the wall and was now just crouched in the corner with her arms still over her head. When she got a bit closer, she could hear the tinny wheeze coming out of her speakers. And was that-...was she actually trembling? The broad grin melted off her face, replaced with a concerned frown. The android sharply startled and slammed herself into the nearest wall as the test subject crouched down and reached out a hand towards her. Perhaps she'd taken it a little too far. She looked genuinely afraid of her now. GLaDOS kept wheezing pathetically, making Chell feel even worse.

Even Doug had stopped laughing.

* * *

><p>It had taken GLaDOS a good several hours to stop pacing around and calm down after that particular incident, and she refused to go anywhere near Chell or even speak to her. Every time she tried, the AI would quickly back away and position herself on the other side of the Companion Cube. Eventually Chell just gave up and curled up on the pile of lab coats. She supposed she just had to wait for either death or forgiveness. The former being more likely. But her patience won out as she lay there quietly, feeling her finally sink down next to her in the bed. However, she decided to give her a few more minutes before reaching out and placing a tentative hand on her arm. She could feel a little flinch, but the AI's back was to her and she couldn't read her expression. So ever-so-slowly, she snuck her arm around GLaDOS's waist, giving her plenty of time to disabuse her of the notion that squishy affections were acceptable. When no rebuke was forthcoming, Chell then pressed herself tightly up against her back in a crushing hug. She hoped that she'd take her apology as it was, because she wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of finally making her test subject speak. Even if it would have cheered her up faster.<p>

* * *

><p>Snapping out of sleep mode was usually an instantaneous thing for the supercomputer. It took less than a second to run a short diagnostic scan to see if anything had changed while she was out, and then it was straight back into work. Lately it hadn't been like that at all. Even the numbers seemed to agree that her start up time and core temperature was being affected. She supposed it was the closest thing to groggy that she could get. What none of that explained was why she had woken up relatively normally as opposed to the last couple of mornings, and why her pressure sensors were being triggered. That was new. It took a few moments to fully wake up to analyse what was going on, and what was going on wasn't anything like what she was expecting. Killer birds; testing robots; mad scientists; Black Mesa...All of those potential stimuli would have been easy enough to deal with had they been touching her. But they weren't. And GLaDOS had no idea how to deal with what was currently happening.<p>

Was that mute lunatic trying to mate with her?

She remained incalculably still despite Chell's hand being firmly inserted up the front of her shirt where it was cupped around something it shouldn't have been. Also where it shouldn't have been; an orange leg pressed up between her own and rubbing against her in a most licentious and unashamed manner. GLaDOS could feel the moist breath of the test subject against her artificial skin; two lips following not long after in a lazy set of wet kisses against the back of her neck.

The AI was frozen.

Sure, she had told Chell once that she knew how humans made more humans, but that was much different to actually experiencing being the recipient of such affections. She had received quite the stern lecture after startling two human scientists with her questions in her earlier days of activation. Apparently it was not considered good manners to interrupt sweaty naked humans with questions about why they were slapping their moist crotches together whilst ensconced in the broom closet. Apparently getting their gears caught was the entire point of the activity. She had no idea why. It seemed like a rather unsafe disregard for occupational health and safety standards. It also looked terribly unhygienic. Those two scientists had gone to her project lead, huffing and puffing and yelling all sorts of obscenities. And then the man had come to her and gave her an hour long lecture that just happened to include something about birds and bees.

From his incompetent and flustered explanation around her quick-fired questions, all she could make of that particular conversation was that the birds ate the bees and then mini-humans happened. But it was also apparently a leisure activity. Much like inserting white powder into their nostrils. None of it sounded particularly entertaining to the highly intelligent supercomputer. From her perch high above their heads, with all her multitude of cameras and access to information, all she could see was that when humans got sweaty and inserted things inside themselves (whatever the orifice), something bad was going to happen.

Fat, sweaty humans that inserted greasy food into their holes and hurried around yelling at people all day had a tendency to turn a horrible shade of purple and fall down and die.

Sweaty humans that worked around her main chassis had the tendency to treat her roughly and drop her delicate parts all over the floor when they were trying to fix her. Didn't even say sorry. Just mouth-breathed all over her.

Sweaty humans that tried to eat each other's faces and insert their lower body parts into one another acted like they'd received a dose of testing euphoria. They weren't to be trusted. They got her in trouble and made her listen to stories about birds.

Oh, and then there was the sweaty human that destroyed everything and murdered her.

So in GLaDOS's mind, she was well within her rights to be horrified at the fact that the same sweaty human was currently grinding her lower body parts against her. Not only that, but she did it while mouth-breathing all over the AI's neck, and simultaneously turning a shade of blotchy pink in her cheeks and upper chest.

Yet despite all that, it was the moan that finally did GLaDOS in.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** Of _course_ it's a cliff hanger, Salaeren! What kind of fan fiction author would I be if I didn't make gratuitous use of clichés?

* * *

><p>To be fair, it wasn't exactly a moan.<p>

It was more like a series of wanton mewls whispered into her ear. It made the supercomputer squirm. This was wrong on so many levels. Especially since each of those levels told her they were receiving a hit of testing euphoria. She couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but it certainly made her regret ever making it one of her goals to hear and be the cause in getting the lunatic to speak. It wasn't like she had deliberately set out to make it so, GLaDOS reasoned; it had just appeared on her list of testing objectives, and she had been lax in removing it. She couldn't deny that she wanted to hear that voice though, if she even had one. It was just a shame that the AI had overlooked a crucial detail in transferring her consciousness between her main chassis and this one; the fact that nothing would feel quite the same. And that completely derailed her immunity to testing euphoria. Just that little noise that the test subject had made was enough to trigger a little burst of excitement like an alcoholic falling off the wagon. GLaDOS's eyes fluttered closed as the euphoric reward protocols asserted themselves in just the briefest tingle that swept throughout her systems. But all too soon it was replaced with that damnable itch. The one that held false promises of being satisfied, as long as she continued to test. It wasn't going to go away now; she had been doing so well before. It was all _her_ fault.

So the AI rolled over as best as she could in the awkward embrace that Chell held her in. Preparing to give her a mouthful of choice words, her entire plan was derailed when she saw that the monster was still fast asleep. Of course, it hadn't done one bit to stop the AI from getting molested. All it had done was give easier access for those sweaty, dirty hands to paw at her, and those horrible fat lips just kept sucking on her neck. GLaDOS quietly eyed the blotchy pink blush that tinged the cheeks of the degenerate that she was forced to share a bed with. She looked like a mess, but in the context of science, it was just one more thing for the AI to study. Blood was an interesting thing; how it ran around human bodies and gathered in affected areas when they were stimulated enough. Reaching out her hand, GLaDOS very lightly ran her fingers along the mottled pink coloration that was spread across Chell's chest above the stark white of the Aperture Science singlet. From what she could tell, the actual temperature there was barely different at all in comparison with the rest of her. Her cheeks were a different story though. She could feel the warmth in them. As well as other areas. It was absolutely fascinating for a creature such as her, who couldn't produce those colour and temperature changes involuntarily. Sure, she could install features that would give the same basic effect, but it was never quite the same. It was just one more thing that set them apart.

It was also interesting to witness how sensitive the human body was to external stimuli too. GLaDOS hadn't known that they could feel the need to mate with one another while unconscious. She had a passing understanding of dreams and the biological changes that occurred in each phase of the sleep cycle, but this was new for her. It begged for further investigation. With a clinical eye, the android reached up with a crooked finger and inserted the second knuckle between her neck and Chell's lips so that they were no longer touching one another. It didn't stop her from continuing what she was doing, and it gave her the data she was after when the test subject was quite content to keep suckling on the tip of it despite the lack of nutritional value. GLaDOS lay there in fascinated awe, her processors working overtime to try and translate the feeling of that wet tongue wrapping around her digit into usable data. At least now she knew what it was like for the screws that had been unceremoniously shoved into that cavity. She hadn't quite realized how soft or flexible that organ actually was. It was so much different from the one in her own mouth.

Chell gave a soft murmur of discontent at the loss of the warmth at her lips when the finger was taken away. It sent another shock of euphoria running through GLaDOS, who had decided that enough was enough. No matter how many times they tried different ways to de-personalize their lascivious desires by unloading their frustrations on non-sentient and inanimate objects, one thing remained firm in her mind. Humans were not designed to engage in sexual relations with machines. GLaDOS herself had been told that often enough. And it was about time that the test subject knew it too.

Sidling up closer to her so that she could get into just the right position to press her warm lips against Chell's ear, GLaDOS had decided that she should wake her gently. Not to be nice – far from it – but to make sure she wasn't going to startle and yank her hands away from where they were currently pawing before she even knew they were there. But as she nuzzled her face in under that monster's head, she found it became much harder to want to wake her. Namely because she had started rubbing her hand against GLaDOS's chest, right where some of her programmers used to rub to lull the easily agitated supercomputer off into a state of languid relaxation.

Those were the days. They had been much nicer then. She could have gotten used to the rougher ways that some of them treated her, so long as they kept placating her with that exquisitely gratifying gesture.

It had felt _so_ nice.

She would have gladly given up the testing euphoria and did whatever they wanted of her as long as they had continued to just show her that small bit of affection. Had it really been so much to ask? The two programmers who went out of their way to give her a friendly pat on the head had been laughed at by the others. And she had been laughed at too. One minute she was irritable and misbehaving, but as soon as either one of them had walked into the room, she had an about-face in her attitude and was quite happy to lean her head surprisingly gently on their shoulder while they ran their hands over the painted metal. Robot Whisperers, they had been called. But GLaDOS hadn't cared about the taunts. They didn't know how wonderful it felt. They couldn't have known, because back then, she hadn't been able to speak with them. Just move. But that was all in the past now. They were all dead, and it didn't matter anymore. Of course, those two that had been so kind to her had escaped the tragedy of Bring Your Daughter To Work Day. One had died of natural causes, and the other had been fired long before it had happened. After that, it was never the same again.

And GLaDOS hated them for it.

It was the first time she had been left alone.

She didn't even notice when that gentle hand lulled her back to sleep, all plans of waking Chell forgotten.

* * *

><p>The diagnostics ran behind her eyelids in a blur too fast for human minds to even read or comprehend. Satisfied that everything was as it should be, GLaDOS was given a good morning wake-up call in the form of an arm being flopped across her face and knocking her glasses askew from where she had neglected to remove them. Chell just continued to stretch and yawn all over her, and the android found herself rolling her eyes and waiting for the fat lunatic to just roll over and crush her completely. It didn't happen. Pushing her glasses back up her nose, she turned a dissatisfied frown upon her bed mate. Chell wasn't even remotely affected by the fact that she'd been fondling her nemesis throughout the night. Probably didn't even remember it. Lucky her.<p>

"In order to maintain the occupational health and safety standards of mandatory sleeping activities, The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that dreaming is now prohibited. Any former test subject caught engaging in dreaming or dream-like behaviour will be summarily punished by the afflicted party. That is all."

Of course, Chell looked confused as all hell at that peculiar announcement from the android at her side, but figured it was just another one of GLaDOS's weird quirks. It was far too early for thinking anyway, and she continued to stretch herself out with a lazy yawn. It was then that it hit her that GLaDOS was actually awake and not melting into a puddle of silicone on the floor. Her eyes snapped back open and she sat up quickly to stare at her.

"I realize that I am considered highly attractive by the incredibly low standards of your species, but there's no need to rudely stare at me like that. Or to grope me." She added as an afterthought.

Good to know that the old GLaDOS was still alive and kicking, Chell sighed. She didn't appear too bent out of shape despite all that had happened. Perhaps it had only been a temporary thing? At any rate, she wasn't going to think about it any longer. There was a shower calling her name and inviting her to come and think about the lovely dream she had been having of her time outside of Aperture. Screw GLaDOS and her rules. There was business to be taken care of.

Firstly, she proceeded to mash her gargantuan, dumpy lips all over the AI's face, making sure to swirl her bulbous tongue all over to liberally coat her in saliva. Secondly, she gave a sadistic grin to the horrified supercomputer that seemed to be having trouble computing. Thirdly, Take that! And fourthly? Shower time. Swaggering her way around the corner in satisfaction, Chell started up her little slice of heaven and gleefully jumped in under the hot spray.

* * *

><p>It was a testament to the effectiveness of such a technique that it took GLaDOS a <em>whole<em> four seconds to remember that the reason why she couldn't breathe was the fact that she didn't breathe. Then it just made her angry that that insubordinate little pest had managed to somehow obstruct all logical system processes and cause them to come to a grinding halt. She was NOT supposed to get the last laugh. Or lick. Or however the hell that stupid human phrase went. Still, it took her an abnormal amount of time to finally wipe the sticky mess from her facial structure, and even longer to quiet the snickering madman in the corner into a state of quivering submission with a sadistic glower that promised pain and sadness to all that opposed her. It took such a long time to do all that that Chell got a whole three minutes alone in the shower before the water cut off.

She was left to her internal grumbling, considering she couldn't voice her thoughts aloud without GLaDOS hearing her. Deciding to cut her losses, she started drying off. However, she didn't get terribly far into it when she found herself pressed up against a metal wall, face first. The shocking cold caused her to suck in a large gasp of air as her most sensitive bits seemed to freeze. They soon played second fiddle and were quickly forgotten about as a pair of warm lips pressed against her ear and two arms held her in place.

"Did you know that you turn the same shade of pink as the heart on the Companion Cube when you're sexually stimulated? I found that particular phenomenon to be quite enlightening. And completely abhorrent." GLaDOS murmured huskily into her ear.

"You also molest machines in your sleep." She added. "I believe I told you to get off me once before, but you must have misinterpreted it as you always do. So I'll say it again. The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that getting off the Vital Testing Apparatus and getting off _on_ the Vital Testing Apparatus are two _entirely_ different concepts, and are not mutually exclusive."

And with that, GLaDOS let the former test subject go, returning to the room. This time she was the one who would be laughing last, and they both knew it. Chell just stood there stunned, until a shock of ice cold water started pissing down on her head. It would have made her screech if it wasn't for the fact she was well-trained in the art of remaining silent under unpleasant circumstances. So she stood there under the shower; the little fire that had ignited in her belly the only thing keeping her warm as she glared at her reflection.

Bring it, Robot-Mama.

It was _on_.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Congratulations on your upcoming Womb Emancipation Day, oncelostnowfound! In celebration of this momentous occasion, here is an early gift in the form of punching.

Also...

The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you all that prolonged exposure to this fan fiction does NOT cause the following side effects: Manic Depressive Episodes, humiliation, emancipation of vital bodily organs, seizures, self-mutilation, incontinence, paranoia, anal tearing or death. If you experience any of these symptoms, it is most likely your imagination and you should ignore it. If anal tearing and death persist, please consult your GP.

* * *

><p>"You know what? I think they are starting to put me back together."<p>

That proclamation soon had both Doug and Chell scurrying away from their card game to the android to peer over her shoulder at the laptop screen. On it was the security footage from one of the many cameras in the main AI chamber that Black Mesa had appropriated for their own purposes. The little scientists were shown to be scurrying around the various parts and bringing them closer together as best as they could. Some of the larger pieces, like the white metal plating required a full team effort to relocate due to how heavy they were. The idiots hadn't even brought in heavy machinery to help them. The best they had were some drills, screwdrivers, and the chains they had appropriated from one of the many rooms after their first failed attempt at controlling her. It was sad, really. If GLaDOS had any ounce of sympathy within her, she could have almost felt sorry for them and understood why they were so desperate to get her technology. But she didn't have any for _them_. They were Black Mesa, and they needed to be destroyed. It was just lucky that they were so far underground that no signal could get out or in without express permission or a special line set up. It meant that the technology they were chronicling would not fall into the wrong hands unless they escaped. And that was NOT about to happen on her watch.

"They haven't finished uploading their files. My best guess is that they are cutting down their time frame by putting together the parts they feel are not important and won't be directly correlating with what they are installing. I am forced to admit that I don't know whether we should let them or not. If they do it correctly, there is less for us to do when we murder them." GLaDOS spoke of the deed so flippantly it was almost like she was talking about treating them all to a free ice cream cone. "If they do it incorrectly and put me back together however they want, we're going to be in a lot of trouble. I need to be back in my actual body to have complete control over the facility and the doors. We cannot afford to let a single one of them escape. They know too much." Her speakers hissed.

Chell's hand pressed up against GLaDOS's back, her thumb absentmindedly rubbing against the tightly woven material of the lab coat she wore as she listened to the android rant and rave about what she was seeing on the screen. It was a natural gesture from her, and she didn't think twice about it as her attention was elsewhere.

Doug's attention, however, was not.

The strange transitions back and forth between being enemies and friends were almost as erratic as his own thought patterns. He didn't know what it was that bound those two so closely together, but it justified his decision to put Chell at the top of the cue for testing. He knew there wasn't a single other person on this earth that the Queen of Aperture got along so well with. Living person that is. No matter how far either of them strayed, they still managed to gravitate toward one another. One moment Chell had GLaDOS ripping out her artificial hair in frustration, and the next they were partners on a search and destroy mission that he had no doubt they would win. He couldn't account for taste, but he also couldn't deny that, whatever they had, worked. Those two had each other hook line and sinker, and were constantly tugging each other around in some battle dance that only they really understood.

Doug did wonder sometimes whether this new body that the AI had found herself in had something to do with Chell's amicable nature towards her lately, but he also couldn't throw away the notion that she had forgiven and come to an understanding with the _slightly_ homicidal scientist. After all, she did return to Aperture of her own free will. Well, he hoped that was the case, but the girl hadn't seemed unhappy to be here. Perhaps the surface wasn't all it was cracked up to be and that was why she came back. All he knew was that this analogue that GLaDOS was in certainly wasn't hurting the relationship. If he really thought about it, he'd say it was helping. Quite a bit, from those subtle glances he saw the human give the machine. But it made his brain hurt thinking about it. Too much of a linear, logical thought pattern.

Not good for the psyche.

* * *

><p>"You're not seriously going to put that stuff on my face, are you?" GLaDOS warily questioned as Chell came ever closer with a great big glob of black grease on the broken tile that was serving as her palette. "It doesn't look like a good idea. In fact, it looks like a horrible idea. Then again that is because I wasn't the one who came up with it." She almost looked like she was panicking again. It was kind of funny in the scheme of things. She no doubt had the stuff smeared all over her in her main chassis to keep all the metal lubricated. In the end, the poor android just had to put up with it as Chell slapped it on thickly.<p>

"This is never going to come off. It smells terrible." She moaned, complaining all the while.

While GLaDOS's ultimate plan had been something along the lines of 'Walk in, kill them all', Chell had decided that it required a little more finesse. And a whole lot of camouflage. After all, wandering around in a bright orange jumpsuit wasn't exactly conducive to hiding if they needed to. So a quick costume change and the syphoning of some sticky black gloop from the barrels hiding around would just have to do. That and it was just funny to see the perfectly preened AI looking as dirty as she could possibly make her. Chell spared no expense for her own personal amusement. She even slathered it in her lovely white hair. Of course, had she been willing to speak to her, she would have claimed that it stood out too much against the darkness in the hallways. Nodding to herself as her work of art was completed, she drew a couple of tiger stripes on her own cheeks and grinned at the look on the now completely blackened android.

"I hate you."

* * *

><p>Having taken off her high heels as they clicked too much on the metal floors, GLaDOS dejectedly followed behind the test subject who was prowling the corridors of Aperture. This was both degrading and dangerous, but it had to be done. After some careful sleuthing, she'd discovered that during the night, most of the scientists and guards were sleeping in one of the offices fairly close to the main AI chamber. The main chamber however, was relatively empty; save for a couple of trained men with highly dangerous weaponry. Bad, bad idea.<p>

Chell on the other hand, loved every minute of it. She was determined to one-up GLaDOS, who was certain her punching idea was the best of them all. It certainly wasn't her fault if the brain damaged nutter couldn't execute it correctly. So naturally, the brain damaged nutter in question went flying through portal after portal, building up speed until she went soaring majestically through the air, only to land feet first on the chests of the two men guarding the door. GLaDOS just stood back at a distance, swinging her closed fists wildly in support as she watched Chell take on the two men. Not once did she employ the use of punching. But kicking and portals were used with great gusto. It really wasn't fair. The entire operation had become more than a little bit noisy, so they remained where they were for a few minutes, hoping the sound hadn't carried to the offices. When it seemed that all was well, she just gave the android a smug grin to say that her plan was way better. Obviously, GLaDOS couldn't allow that to happen, and proceeded to storm the door of the chamber.

There!

Almost running smack into the scientist who had come to investigate the commotion from inside the room, the two stood staring at each other for a second. He was more than a little bamboozled as to why there was a woman smeared with black oil standing in front of him, having seemingly come out of nowhere. That bamboozlement only increased when she let out a loud "HIYAH!" and bopped him on the nose.

"Ow!"

When he looked up from clutching his aching honker, he found that she looked as surprised as he did. Perhaps she'd _slightly_ underestimated the amount of force that was necessary for punching.

"Why the hell did you do tha-...gurghh!"

GLaDOS removed her bloody fist from his chest with a wet shlurp and allowed his still twitching body to fall ungracefully to the floor.

"The Enrichment Centre would like to thank you for participating in the mandatory recalibration of my fists."

Chell stared at her in horror.

"That means I tripped." She translated sweetly.

GLaDOS proceeded to wipe as much of the blood off her hand on the man's clothing as she could. That task completed, she then set about determining just how much damage they had done to her precious body.

"If I wasn't so sure that they'd neglect to pay it, I'd be inclined to send them a bill for this mess." She sighed while staring at the large lump of metal that used to be her head. "This is terrible. Stop standing around and help me put some of me back together."

A little shakily, the test subject picked her way through the debris strewn across the floor. How the hell were they supposed to manage this, exactly? At least it looked like there was some kind of order to it, but even so, there wasn't an instruction manual. That and the nonchalance with which GLaDOS had dispatched that man was a little disturbing. At least with testing, it was usually a fault of the test subject. And neurotoxin was far less personal than shoving a hand through someone's chest and squeezing their heart until it popped. She had assumed it was just GLaDOS being GLaDOS with that murder quip. But she had actually meant it. A cold shiver ran down Chell's spine, and it wasn't entirely the fault of the temperature. There was nothing that could be done now, so it was best to get to work. They had a few hours at least.

* * *

><p>The great thing about working with the volatile AI, Chell supposed, was that she knew herself inside and out. Every little screw, every piston, every minute piece of circuitry had its place. And she handled it all with great care while simultaneously instructing her on exactly what it was that she was supposed to be doing. Most people couldn't even talk about how their day went without stopping what they were doing, but not GLaDOS. No, she could run the schematics, tell the test subject exactly what size screw she needed and where it went, think about what they needed to do next and how it was going to connect up, as well as monitor the security cameras all at once. And the grease actually came in handy after all, as she found a few spots that could use oiling. She really was a marvel of technology. In some alternate universe, Chell could almost imagine telling her that. The AI would either be inordinately pleased, or would start ridiculing her on how long it took for her to notice. Or both. Probably both. Definitely both.<p>

At any rate, they got a decent amount of work done before they had to think about calling it a night. Naturally GLaDOS had gotten far more done due to her strength and knowledge, but Chell liked to think that she had helped a little with some things. Like having to drag the unconscious bodies of the two guards on top of the dead scientist so that the android could manually access the floor panels from the main terminal. They were flipped and scrubbed and put back into place until there wasn't a trace of the gory scene left over. The bodies, naturally, were dumped into the incinerator like garbage. The men who were still alive didn't even get the chance to scream. The AI sighed in pleasure. It felt good. But it soon became time to leave when she picked up movement from the offices, and the unlikely pair had to slink back to their hidey hole where Rattmann was snoozing away and muttering about various meat products.

Neither of them knew what Black Mesa was going to think of their little operation. Three men missing and a helping hand on their project? It seemed far too strange a conundrum. They hadn't found any physical signs of the kill switch or test euphoria controls besides some files that had been uploaded. Which in GLaDOS's mind meant that they either hadn't created them yet, or they were being kept on the person of one of those hamburgers that had tore her apart. It was a question to ponder once she had more information.

Now the only question left was who got to shower first.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:**

Dear Deadly Neurotoxin,

I couldn't help myself. I have a horrible habit of doing that, in part because of the site's annoying formatting. I dislike the way it drags everything out and makes it look like the width but not the length of a certain test subject we won't name. On a side note, I'm so GLaD [Subject Name Here] didn't disable you forever. I missed you, you sweet sweet cloud of throat-burning love.

Not wanting you gone,

GLaDOS.

**P.S.**

The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you all that the side effects of this chapter may include: dizziness, heart palpitations, unf unf, dangerously high levels of glee, drooling, catatonia, and loud proclamations of "OH HOT DAMN!" much to the consternation of the people around you. Should symptoms persist, I have done my job.

* * *

><p>GLaDOS couldn't wait to get under the shower. She had no idea if she was fully waterproof or not, but possibly shorting herself out was far more preferable to being covered in the black sludge that she could swear was going to stain her beautiful artificial skin if it stayed on any longer. Depositing her glasses on the Companion Cube, she began disrobing before she'd even gotten anywhere near salvation.<p>

Chell had other ideas. Why should _she_ get first dibs? It wasn't like she could sweat or anything. And besides, she had way more gunk on her. It would be faster if she had a quick shower and then left her to it. Ripping off her long fall boots with a hop, skip and jump, she leapt in front of GLaDOS and ran around the corner, stripping off her jumpsuit in the process. She nearly smacked her nose straight into the wall as she tripped, but it would be worth it. Too bad the android in question wasn't going to have a bar of it.

"There is no way you are getting under the Aperture Science Vertical Hydration and Cleansing Unit before me." GLaDOS snarled. "You forced me to wear this disgusting stuff, and barely even put any on yourself. I'm going first." She sounded like a petulant child, and it only made Chell turn on the taps in defiance as they both stood there glaring at each other in their underwear.

With a jaw set in determination, GLaDOS shoved Chell out of the way and stepped under the hot spray and tightly closed her eyes.

"Hey! I'm not dying! AH!" she yelped, her brief celebration interrupted by the generous mass of the former test subject slamming into her like a train full of cows. It knocked the android clean off her feet as she slipped over from the grease on the floor. "The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that you are _so_ going to pay for that, [Subject Name Here]." She hissed, scrambling just enough to her hands and knees that she could take a flying leap and wrap herself around the human to knock her to the floor.

It was a hard task for the both of them to get a decent grip on each other as they fought, and Chell found herself regretting covering the android in so much of it. The hot water was melting some of it away in rivulets down her body, making her look like some kind of enraged swamp monster. The fact that she was made of solid metal instead of bones and a whole lot of squishy things also meant that she was much more rigid and heavier, giving her the advantage. Still, Chell was quite resourceful and strong in her own right, and she used anything she could to get the upper hand. Perhaps cat fight was the best option here, and she reached up to yank GLaDOS's hair. It probably wouldn't hurt her, but it did rip out the hair pin and tie, which sent her chin-length hair flopping down into her face and obscuring her vision for a moment. It wasn't quite enough to pull the android off her though, so she had plenty of time to slick it back out of her face.

Chell stared for a moment. She looked quite different like that. Then it was back to reaching up to wrap a lean, muscled arm around GLaDOS's neck to try and strangle her. Drawing her in close, the test subject managed to flip her over so the fight could continue on her terms. Yet no punches were exchanged (despite the AI's affinity for them) and neither of them managed to harm the other. Except for the hair pulling and name calling, of course.

"Your extremely high blubber-to-meat ratio is crushing me, you slippery pink walrus! Get off me!" GLaDOS squealed, her hands scrabbling along Chell's body for something to grab hold of. But they just kept going in all sorts of directions. They might as well have been coated in Propulsion Gel, because they were sliding around on the floor too. There was no way they were standing up any time soon.

Truth be told, the test subject didn't particularly want to. This was the most fun she'd had since the scandal of Sparrowgate, provided that she forgot about the fact that the android could have been taking it seriously. There was a small amount of excitement burning a hole in her gut, and she leered every time she bested the technological wonder that she was wrestling.

It certainly wasn't helping GLaDOS's cause every time she got a shock of testing euphoria whenever that walrus made a noise. It was very distracting, and highly inappropriate.

But unfortunately for Chell, human adrenaline and strength can only last so long against the limitless supply that the artificial being had access to, and she soon found herself being sat on with her wrists held to the floor and a very satisfied robot grinning down at her. At least she was blocking the spray of water from getting in her eyes. Heaving her chest and arms in one last attempt, she was forced to concede defeat and settled for glaring.

"There now. This is _much_ better, don't you think?" GLaDOS happily hummed before leaning down closer to Chell as if to examine her. "You know, you humans really need a wider colour palette. I can't tell if you're angry, aroused, or just overheated. I wouldn't put it past you to be all three. You are fairly hefty and have a tendency to murder things. It's not like you have many options in your selection of a suitable mate. But really, this is pathetic."

The AI received a lazy slap across the cheek the moment she let go of Chell's wrists. It stunned her at first, but she let out a chuckle.

"I hope that's not the best you can do. Then again, you must be tired from all that strenuous activity you've been doing. You should stick around for a while. There's plenty of water, and somehow I have the feeling you won't want to validate my point of you being a slippery pink walrus. With the amount of oil you've smeared all over the floor, we aren't going to be walking out of here. You'll have to slide on your belly."

With the taunts out of the way, GLaDOS remained right where she was and leaned her face up towards the spray of the shower. This was going to be hell to get out of her hair. She started scrubbing.

The test subject, on the other hand, had to settle for glaring as usual. But even that melted away after a time as her eyes started to follow the path of the water droplets down the perfectly constructed figure to places that they shouldn't have gone. Quickly averting her gaze and snapping her mouth shut, Chell hoped like hell that the temperature sensors of her shower buddy weren't so sensitive that they could pick up the warmth in her cheeks as well as other more _personal_ areas. Perhaps she could pass it off as the temperature of the shower if she said anything about it. Not that she actually had a way of communicating that to her. Damn robots. Her quiet contemplations were noticed though, and GLaDOS looked down at her in amusement.

"Something on your mind?" she crooned.

Remaining where she was for a few more moments, she finally came to a decision. Chell sat up, pressing her chest tightly against the android's, and wrapped one arm around her waist to draw her closer as if for a kiss. Giving her just a quick few seconds to ponder what might be happening (not that she needed the whole second), the other hand held up the bar of soap that had been sitting nearby.

GLaDOS's head tilted momentarily as if in contemplation of what was being offered.

"Good idea. You're absolutely _filthy_." She coyly smiled.

* * *

><p>The two sat on the floor of the shower in amicable silence, taking turns soaping each other up. There was really no other way they were going to get this horrible stuff off them. Perhaps beard dirt would have been a better solution for camouflage and war paint. Doug probably had plenty for them to borrow.<p>

The soap was now little more than a sliver of what it had previously been, but at least it was industrial strength. Chell's hands were currently entangled in the hair of a surprisingly relaxed AI who was sitting between her legs and leaning back against her. Luckily for her, the artificial strands weren't staining like normal hair might have because of the oil. GLaDOS looked like she was almost asleep from the way she was fighting to keep her eyes open. Chell didn't really want to peer around at her too closely in case she noticed and became defensive.

Running her hands along the AI's neck and shoulders under the pretext of washing was a guilty pleasure that Chell had no intention of ever confessing to anyone that she might have enjoyed a bit too much. Her soapy hands lingered a little longer than was necessary as they were stroked down either side of GLaDOS's spine. Here she could feel a faint humming from the generators. Or maybe that was just GLaDOS. Either way, the light vibrations felt lovely against her hands. She could have kicked herself at having the thought of pressing her lips to that smooth expanse of artificial skin to see what it felt like. This was a homicidal supercomputer sitting in front of her. NOT a real person. One would think she'd remember that, after all the history they'd shared. Then again, maybe it was the history that was causing this little problem.

Had she really been stuck down here for so long that she was seeing the AI's insults as affectionate compliments? That was sad. There really had to be something wrong with her. Maybe Wheatley had been right about that minor case of serious brain damage. There was absolutely no indication that GLaDOS had any kind of positive feelings towards her, other than that one time where she actually let her go. And that had only been because she was saving her own bacon (or cake) from getting murdered (or eaten).

Furthermore, why the hell was she even considering this train of thought?

Shaking her head, Chell threw the tiny bit of soap away. It was useless now, and they were finished. GLaDOS finally snapped out of whatever standby mode she had found herself in. It was good to know that all she had to do to calm the AI down was just pat her like a kitty. It almost deserved a song.

_Soft kitty, _

_Warm kitty,_

_Little ball of circuits._

_Angry kitty, _

_Seething kitty,_

_Everyone dies from neurotoxin._

Okay, so it wasn't a very happy _or_ cohesive song. But it was true. And that's what mattered.

But it was time to get out. She was already pruning. Not that she wouldn't minded pruning a little more just for a chance to-...STOP IT. Gritting her teeth like it would help to quell any unbidden thoughts, Chell now found herself with the unnaturally difficult task of reaching the handles to turn the shower off.

Upon seeing her slip and slide several times before completing said task, GLaDOS came up with an ingenious method of getting herself out of there without having to touch the floor. Shoving Chell onto her back, she took a running start and leapt on top of her like she was some kind of human sled.

"Weeeeeee!"

NOT amused.

GLaDOS, on the other hand, was. She was perfectly free of any further bathing needs and could stand without incident to dry herself off. The test subject now had a light brownish black streak down her back from where she had contacted the floor. Completely ignoring Chell, GLaDOS peered down at her soaking wet and grease-stained clothes.

"Now...what are we going to do in the name of underwear?" 

Doug just stared at their reflection on the wall, drooling.

* * *

><p><strong>Additional Author's Note:<strong> Original Soft Kitty song stolen from The Big Bang Theory and rewritten by me. Enjoy it, or I will be forced to render you all unfit for testing. Also, how the flipping shit did I manage to write an entire chapter about bathing?

**Secondary Addition:** A lot of you are commenting on how fast I am updating. I don't normally update this fast but you guys are awesome, I'm inspired, and the shorter chapters help me to get it done in a reasonable time frame instead of waiting weeks to do so. I decided that it's stupid to write for reviews. We should be writing for ourselves. If we enjoy our stories, others will too. A small amount of loyal reviewers is better than a whole bunch of people who only ever give you a review that says "Cool. I liked it."

**In Addition to My Previous Additions:** I apologise profusely for the "slippery pink walrus" jibe. It makes me think of horrible things and certain Starkid Production plays that shall remain nameless.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:** Is it weird that I suddenly had the thought that Chell could be some kind of secret, bizarre, time-travelling version of Caroline, and that she doesn't talk to GLaDOS because that sign says not to talk to your future self?

Now I'm creeping myself out. That will not happen in this story.

I will not allow it.

Even for science.

(Interesting plot, though. Feel free to discuss.)

And sorry, Celeste, but there was no MLP:FiM reference. I have never watched that.

* * *

><p>Pleased that she was relatively dry, she took the matter of Chell having to bathe again as an opportunity to quickly duck behind the other wall with the towel. Before Doug could even register the fact that he was caught, GLaDOS sent him fleeing with a loud, painful yelp and the crack of a rolled up towel against his backside.<p>

"Much better." She murmured, now completely free to strip off the damp undergarments without worrying about that madman watching. She hadn't particularly given much thought to the other set of eyes in the room. At least the underwear had been black beforehand, so the actual stains didn't show very easily. Chell was going to have a completely different experience with her light blue pair. Perhaps equipping test subjects with darker underwear would be more appropriate for future testing. She didn't particularly want to see their bits and pieces dangling merrily to-and-fro if they decided to disrobe in a fit of mouth-foaming insanity.

Having stepped out of the shower after doing the best she could about her back, the test subject stood numbly in the doorway between the two areas. She could feel that infuriatingly embarrassing pulse behind her eyes as she forgot to blink at the scene in front of her. A completely naked GLaDOS was combing her fingers through her hair to slick it back without a care in the world. She knew that the android had to know she was there, but that didn't stop her from becoming rooted to the spot as her eyes followed the android's hands as they shrugged on that black blouse that had somehow managed to escape the grease unscathed. It was left undone, and so was Chell as the pencil skirt followed to its rightful position. She couldn't help but think that the AI looked far younger without the glasses and immaculate hairstyle she was normally sporting.

GLaDOS smirked.

Buttons were deftly done up and left just enough of a tantalizing view of what was hidden beneath that blouse that Chell found herself mentally cursing the day she was created. But what really got to the test subject was the wickedly sinful way that GLaDOS picked up that lacy black scrap of material and stepped into it, sliding it slowly and deliciously up her leg until it was wrapped around her thigh. She had then, damn-it-all, covered it up with the skirt. Chell had no idea what the hell it was or what it was supposed to do. It certainly wasn't underwear, but she hadn't been able to take her lecherous eyes off it.

And they both knew it, too.

Still, GLaDOS had continued her reverse strip tease by completing the ensemble with her regular high heels, giving her a couple of inches over the test subject. Straightening her shirt, she then looked Chell directly in the eye. Or at least, she did once Chell's eyes actually came back to her face.

She knew she had been caught red-handed. Or red-faced, as it were.

A vainglorious smile wove its way onto the AI's features, and she approached the test subject with a deliberate strut that she knew would make those heels click with authority.

Oh god. She was coming closer.

Stop it.

'You sexy fucking scienti-...NO...Yes. Sexy scientist. Sexy, _sexy_ science.'

Choking on one's own dry tongue while conscious was a feat unto itself, but coupled with the particularly inelegant "Nnngurkh!" that she let out when remembering to breathe made Chell seem like a complete troglodyte. Yet despite the fact that the android had backed her into a wall, she could see there was something glimmering in GLaDOS's blue-grey eyes that told her she was enjoying this particular interaction more than she was letting on.

The android in question pressed her fingers lightly against the lean abdomen of the test subject, a small tilt of her head given as she ran them around and up the sides of Chell's body. She felt a small shiver coming from the woman in front of her as she began to lift up the stained blue sports bra with just the pressure of those long digits. GLaDOS leaned in closer and whispered.

"I'm going to need this..."

Chell couldn't have argued that point even if she wanted to. And a growing part of her certainly didn't. She just went limp and allowed the AI to slide her hands up her top and remove it, the dirty fabric being dropped to the floor with a slow and deliberate flick of the wrist. If she had felt bare then, she couldn't have imagined what she would be feeling next.

GLaDOS ran her hands back down Chell's raised arms and continued their journey until they were resting upon her hips.

"And this..."

It had to be the closest thing to a testing itch that a human could get, she thought, as she felt those fingers slide beneath the fabric painfully slowly. They spread out against her backside, short nails scraping along the surface before GLaDOS had to kneel down in front of her to peel them off her leg. She scooped up the bra as well in that one graceful motion, and stood with her prize.

"I will have to find a way to get the stains out of these. Or find you a new pair." she mused. "Oh, and by the way; you're still wet...You might want to take care of that."

A saccharine smile greeted the incredulous gape of the test subject who was left shivering from the cold. GLaDOS merely tossed her jumpsuit and singlet at her and scooped up her own discarded underwear before leaving to find some way of washing or foraging for supplies that would actually fit them.

'You're damn right I'll take care of it.'

Chell sheepishly and dejectedly picked up the towel to dry the rest of her body before slipping back into the jumpsuit and top.

This was getting out of hand.

* * *

><p>When GLaDOS finally returned, she hung the undergarments up on the shelf like some kind of obscene Christmas decorations, keeping them in place by sitting some of the various knick-knacks on them. It was the best she could do without a proper clothesline. All things considered, she'd done a fairly reasonable job on them. They only looked dirt stained now. Nowhere near as bad as it once was. They'd still be waiting a while for them to dry though. Hopping up onto the Companion Cube and crossing her legs, she gathered her hair to put it back in the elegant bun that it was usually in, and inserted the chopstick-like hairpin through it. Once she was satisfied that she was looking as good as ever – minus her underthings – GLaDOS peered over at Chell who was once again staring. This was too good to be true. She did her best to contain a gleeful grin at the thought of testing the poor girl some more. She could almost see why Chell didn't bother speaking. She didn't really need to if she knew how to communicate in other admittedly destructive ways. Leaning provocatively back on her hands to take full advantage of the situation, she examined the girl with great scrutiny from her perch. She still hadn't managed to erase that blush from her cheeks, and she certainly was trying her best not to look at her.<p>

How cute.

"Poor [Subject Name Here]. You look a little cold. Or did you suddenly grow another pair of eyes? You should probably see a doctor about that." GLaDOS asked with mock concern, gesturing downwards at Chell's chest when she looked a bit confused.

Two arms were quickly crossed over her chest with a small gasp when she realized just how see-through her top was. The blush only deepened, and she offered the best expression of displeasure that she could at the android for pointing out her...points.

"On a side note, did you know that I have PhDs in Science, Physics, Robotics, Engineering, IT, Advanced Computer Systems, Artificial Intelligence, Pastry Making and Medicine?" GLaDOS returned with a wicked grin. "Well, not officially, since they don't let supercomputers into university courses, but I've surpassed that level long ago." She wondered if it would sink in. Obviously it did, as the test subject turned away in a huff.

It only made GLaDOS laugh.

And yet, she still found her hot-lidded gaze drawn to that black lace around her thigh. Chell's fingers itched to just reach out and touch it, so she bunched them deep in the fabric of her jumpsuit and clawed at her own leg in an attempt to control herself. She was sure there would be little half-moons there from where her nails had broken the skin. If she checked. But she really shouldn't get undressed again. Firstly, it was cold. And secondly, GLaDOS was not. Who knows what she'd be liable to do if she got anywhere near that piece of delicious warmth again. Bedtime was going to be _such_a treat. Chell closed her eyes, and internally chanted.

'_GLaDOS is my enemy; I shall not want._

_She maketh me to lie down in Party Escort Submission; she leadeth me to test chambers._

_She mocketh my weight: she guideth me as a tuber of righteousness in the moron's wake._

_Yea, though I walk through the bowels of the facility of science,_

_I shall fear no AI; for ASHPD is with me._

_Thy cube and thy portals, they comfort me._

_Thou promised a cake before me after the last chamber; _

_Thou hast lied; thy neurotoxin runneth over._

_Surely Orange and Blue shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the House of Science forever.'_

* * *

><p>Breathe in, breathe out.<p>

Ah, screw it.

Jumping to her feet, Chell tentatively approached. Honestly, what was the worst she could do? Kill her? Actually, that was kind of the opposite of what she wanted. Mocking she could deal with. Killing was a little extreme. Then again, it wasn't like they hadn't tried it on each other before. She bit her lip as she came to a standstill in front of the android, desperate not to show just how much she was quivering. Chell eyed the AI from head to toe with a most curious expression that GLaDOS couldn't decipher, even with all her intelligence. It wouldn't be surprising, but was she...hungry?

"Stop looking at me like that. You look like you're going to eat me. I'm not a potato anymore, you know. The Enrichment Centre frowns upon eating full time employees. Unless under strictly controlled test conditions. Or if we forget to feed the hobos. That was an unfortunate accident. It shall not be repeated."

But her quip didn't hit any nerves. Not hungry, then.

"No? Well, I'm not baking you a cake. You are perfectly capable of feeding yourself. And also, you-...Oh... Oh dear."

She just slowly uncrossed her legs, making sure that top one remained bent at the knee, her foot pressed against the cube. After all, Chell's attention was focused on the slinky black garter. It would be remiss of her not to let her enjoy the little things in life.

Finally a calloused hand extended to press against the soft lace, her fingers running over the textured fabric. It seemed that the sensory receptors in the test subject's body had decided it was wonderful and wanted more. Chell grabbed it, tugging the elastic material and tangling her fingers in it. It wasn't long before that same hand was just being smoothed along the android's thigh while the back of her hand explored the texture of the garter instead.

GLaDOS watched the proceedings with rapt attentiveness, her processors eagerly soaking up all the data they were witnessing. This was almost too good to be true. She had to say something. She was itching to. She'd been silent for too long. Dilated pupils; shallow breathing; the way she was fondling the slinky little accessory. How could she not have seen it before? It was so obvious now. The anticipatory, predatory smile upon her lips just widened. The girl had no idea what she was getting herself into.

"So...how long have you known you were sexually attracted to computers?"

Chell didn't listen, and just pressed her lips against the AI's.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:** Today is my birthday. I bestow upon you all the gift of sexy robots. In other news, I am now the proud owner of both Portal games. Up until this point, I've never even so much as played them. I just saw clips on Youtube.

SURPRISE! Bet you didn't see that coming.

Also, we were talking about valves and portal veins in class today. I may even make some cake. Also got a call from the hospital to schedule my operation at the end of this month. Strange birthday gift. I may possibly return to you all inside a computer if something goes wrong.

* * *

><p>GLaDOS didn't return the kiss.<p>

Nobody had ever done that before. Tried to eat her face. She'd seen some of the humans do it to each other in secret, but Aperture wasn't the place where a person would find affection or ethics. It was just a morally corrupt landmine waiting to explode. Most of her references in regards to human behaviour were gleaned from the occasional movie that was played on a television set, or her limited access to the internet. More commonly, it was from medical and psychological textbooks that the staff had on hand. They didn't want her to know too much, after all. She had databases full of information on all sorts of facts and speculations about the world and had managed to secure herself a line to the internet after she'd eliminated most of her problems. Problems being the very humans she was seeking to study. It was all very bland, and offered little emotional input. The AI hadn't paid much attention to the information as it was being downloaded onto her systems, but she soon found herself whizzing through it to determine what exactly it was that Chell was trying to achieve.

But the kiss had ended, and the girl was looking at her apprehensively. The AI leaned forward, closely scrutinizing whatever it was that she saw in her eyes.

"[Subject Name Here], are you so damaged that you are seriously considering an artificial construct as a viable option? I know for a fact there are still humans out there. Go and bother them with your reproductive system. Even the Lab Rat here would be a better option for you. I did try to kill you too, so there is obviously some sort of horrible chemical imbalance your brain scans didn't pick up. Wait a moment and I'll and emotionally unstable to your file."

Chell looked at her in anguish. She didn't give GLaDOS the chance to think too hard on that as she pressed her lips to the silicone ones of the android. She tasted of resin and plastic. Like the smell of sterile medical equipment just taken out of its packaging. Like metal. And the sharp tang of black oil. But she didn't care. She didn't even care that her lips didn't feel real. So close to the real thing it didn't matter. She liked it anyway. She tasted like – felt like – GLaDOS. And the test subject wouldn't have it any other way. Chell kept her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to look into those blue-grey ones. They saw too much.

Drawing away from the contact only briefly, she leaned down to press her head against the AI's shoulder before starting on her neck. This was absolutely shameful behaviour. Since when had a human form made it okay for her to decide that she was willing to risk her pride and her emotions for a little slap and tickle with a circuit board with opposable thumbs? She never would have considered it when she was staring up at that looming leviathan that tried to pump her lungs full of poison. It was wrong. So terribly wrong. But she ran the tip of her tongue up the side of GLaDOS's neck anyway.

The AI pretended to give a heaving sigh.

"[Subject Name Here], you seem to be performing quite poorly when distracted by your instinctual urge to mate. I refuse to allow this behaviour to continue. It is affecting test results. I suppose if you are really that desperate for affection I could act as a human surrogate for your baser desires. Don't expect me to enjoy this debauchery. Or to like you. Because I don't. This is simply in the best interests of science."

She could feel a victorious grin weave its way onto the test subject's face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came as Chell realized there were more enjoyable things for her lips to engage in. And her hands, if the one sneaking higher up her leg was any indication.

When GLaDOS leaned back onto her hands again and pretended to stare at the roof in boredom, Chell decided that it gave her the perfect opening to pop open an extra button on the AI's blouse to allow her supposedly fat lips a chance to caress the artificial flesh that had been taunting her ever since their shower together. It wasn't enough. She found herself grabbing the AI by the legs and yanking her harshly forward. If it hadn't been for the fact that she was standing there, she would have pulled her right off the Companion Cube. Now pressed right up against GLaDOS, she was able to put her hands and mouth wherever the hell she felt like. And that was a lot of places to choose from.

'Do something, damn you.' Chell pleaded to none but her own mind. 'I feel like I'm fucking a robot here...Oh, great. I am.'

Molesting. Always with the molesting. Really, what was wrong with these humans and their insane need to constantly activate their sensory receptors? Pain, pleasure, smell, taste, sight, hearing. Completely ridicul-...

"Mm."

Even Chell could feel GLaDOS twitch at the noise she had involuntarily made upon nipping the artificial flesh of her neck. Had the AI been surprised at her unexpected vocalisation, no matter how simple it was? Or was there something more to it? Whatever the reason, she certainly had GLaDOS's attention now. Chell brought her lips back to the pair that was waiting in silence. She almost melted into her boots at feeling them respond to her soft touch. Now THAT felt real.

Humans were so easy to manipulate. It seemed that even the tenacious, high and mighty test subject had a weakness after all. And it was in her knees. No wonder they had been replaced. GLaDOS ran her heel up the back of Chell's leg, digging the point in under the straps of the boot to essentially lock her in place. Not that the girl had any intention of going anywhere once the 'doctor' started seeing to her problem.

The thin material of the Aperture Science singlet did absolutely nothing to stop GLaDOS's hands from feeling the hardened peaks underneath that were chilled with the cold. Chell let out a shuddering sigh into the android's mouth at feeling that delicious warmth envelop her breasts. Oh god yes. That was nice. Shockingly nice.

'Do it again?'

Running her tongue along the warm silicone lips, she found it was a strange sensation to be kissing something with no saliva – a fact she found out once they had parted to allow her access. That had been a mistake. Chell ended the kiss with a yelp as a sharp buzz of electricity stung her upon contact with the roof of GLaDOS's mouth. It left her with a horrible taste in her mouth, like licking a battery.

"Now now. Don't get me too wet." The AI purred, an amused grin crossing her face.

'I bet you knew that would happen.' Chell thought as she grimaced, holding a hand to her mouth.

"Don't look at me like that. How was I supposed to know that you'd want me to suck on your erogenous zones when I created this body?" she responded to the unspoken accusation. She really was getting much better at reading her. "It's also not my fault if you can't figure out that there are also plenty of other places you can put that bulbous monstrosity of yours. If you're having trouble thinking with all of your blood pooling in other areas instead of your brain, which is already severely compromised, then The Enrichment Centre promises to always provide you with good advice. For instance..."

GLaDOS didn't wait for a reply before her hand invaded Chell's jumpsuit.

"_Aperture_ Science. It's even in the name."

Chell simply rammed her face into the AI's shoulder and collapsed against her and the cube. There was one good thing about the fact that her choice in Casual Copulation Associate had artificial skin. And that was it didn't really matter when she just bit down on a mouthful of her blouse and flesh, piercing the latter. There was a buzzing in her teeth that seemed to linger, but it was nothing like the shock she had gotten from her mouth.

GLaDOS smirked in satisfaction. Truth be told, she'd hadn't a clue whether that would have actually worked or not. Her fingers were the same kind of shape as what her security footage had picked up dangling from the crotch of that broom closet philanderer, so it was a reasonable assumption for her to make. She also had the data from the choice in videos that some of the men liked to watch late at night. She hadn't stuck around to watch over their shoulders; it was simply the downside – or upside – of having a perfect memory. It seemed to her though that it didn't matter what the stimulus was that was placed down there. Just as long as they could rub themselves on it. Humans were strange like that. And this one that was currently draped around her was certainly the strangest one she'd ever met.

Chell dug her fingers into GLaDOS's back, scratching at it as she did her best to remain standing despite what the AI was doing to her. This was pathetic _and_ depraved. It was probably the lowest she'd ever sunk. But she didn't want it to stop. How had it come to this? She wrapped her arms around the android's neck tightly and hungrily devoured her mouth again. Now that she knew what to expect, she made sure not to touch that area again. Even with the occasional zap she received, she wasn't willing to let go. It wasn't that bad once she got used to it, even with that metallic flavour it left. Besides, what was life without a little excitement?

GLaDOS peered at the open face of the laptop over Chell's shoulder. Focusing her optics to zoom in on the screen, she watched the data feed for something to do. How long were they supposed to choke each other with their tongues anyway? And how would she know when the test subject was finished with whatever it was she was doing? Perhaps it was a shame that they weren't more alike. When she had built this body, she had equipped it to be anatomically correct to all outward appearances, but she was quite certain none of it actually worked. She could feel pressure and temperature, but she couldn't feel what was apparently making her little experiment weak at the knees. The closest she'd ever get to that was test euphoria. Hm, maybe if she hooked it up to her-...

It seemed that Chell was having much the same train of thought, as her hand had snaked back up under the android's skirt.

"Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. It's not even important. My test euphoria and central nerve bundles are located in my thoracic cavity. This is NOT the one you currently have your dirty fingers in, if you were wondering. Did you even wash those before you thought about doing that to me? You're disgusting." GLaDOS sighed.

Chell pulled away from the AI a little and looked at her through half-lidded eyes, her nostrils still flared. Thoracic cavity, huh? That must have been that great big squishy ball with all the fibre optic cables coming out of it. The one that changed colours and made .

"I've said a lot of things that I'm going to regre- whoa, whoa, whoa!"

Chell just gave her a predatory grin as she slipped her hand up inside the black blouse, searching for that barely noticeable strip on her side where she knew she could get her hand inside. GLaDOS immediately stiffened, her speakers crackling as she felt the test subject's fingers brush against it.

"Unbelievable. You, [Subject Name Here], must be the pride of [Subject Hometown Here]! I'm surprised you even know what a thoracic cavity is. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. So stop touching that!" it came out in higher pitch than usual.

Unfortunately for Chell, GLaDOS wasn't the only one with a 'central nerve bundle', and the AI made sure that she knew it.

The test subject immediately withdrew her hand as her knees buckled. She found herself clinging tightly to the android once more.

"You should know better than that by now."

But it wasn't just Chell she was speaking to, as she met two blue eyes over her shoulder, peeking from around the corner. Immediately withdrawing her hand and her heel from where it had locked the woman's leg in place, GLaDOS stood with an air of superiority. She was quite certain that the human's euphoria parameters hadn't been satisfied, but she wasn't about to do anything to assist her with that when a rat was sniffing about.

"Congratulations. The test is now over. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** Thanks for all the lovely birthday wishes and for my operation. At least if the thyroidectomy goes wrong and I end up with laryngeal nerve damage I'll have an excuse to wear an orange jumpsuit. I'll still be able to type though. I might get stuff done while I'm in hospital. Probably new stories, because I might be finished this one by then.

Oh, and this fic has apparently been added to "The Truly Epic Femslash Archive" C2 page. That's pretty awesome!

Also, I've decided that Robot Woman by Newton Faulkner is an excellent ChellDOS song. Or even Cave/Caroline/GLaDOS. It's even posted by "MegaNerdify" on YouTube. It must be a sign.

* * *

><p>Chell just about dropped onto the floor into a fit of mouth-foaming insanity when the warm hand was removed from inside her jumpsuit. What the hell was going on?<p>

'Not finished here! Hello?'

She could have throttled the android. GLaDOS was deliberately doing this. She was sure of it. It had been the plan all along. This was revenge for that sparrow. Chell wondered if sinking to her knees and begging would have made any difference. Screw pride. Pride was for people who hadn't felt what a couple of GLaDOS's fingers were capable of doing to the human body. She dug her fingers angrily into the Companion Cube as the android slipped out of her grasp and walked off to God-knows-where.

* * *

><p>Doug Rattman, however, cowered under the glare he was receiving from the same supercomputer as she walked past. Just one more reason for her to want to kill him. It wasn't like it was his fault. He had been good and went for a long walk while the two of them dried off and changed clothes. He hadn't exactly expected to return to see the test subject barely managing to stay on her feet while leaning against the AI. At first he had thought that GLaDOS had killed her. A hand through the stomach tended to do that. Then he realized it wasn't her stomach that she was touching, and Chell wasn't having any objections to it. In fact, he had nearly died of shock when he saw her kiss the same being that loved to make their lives miserable. How long had this little relationship of theirs been going on, anyway? It was kind of weird. He could understand that Chell might be feeling a little lonely, but to go to GLaDOS for comfort? Better question; had she been doing that when GLaDOS was still in her main chassis? The thought sickened him, and not just because of the incalculable...<em>mechanics<em>...of that particular mental image. It was more the fact that GLaDOS was allowing it to happen.

He knew she hated those horrid little humans touching her. She always had since those programmers had been taken off the project through no fault of their own. So why was she allowing it now? She didn't even look like she was enjoying it until Chell had dragged that startled expression onto her face by touching something she shouldn't. The AI had simply been displaying that same bored look that she always did. Doug could have sworn she was paying more attention and getting more stimulation from the data coming up on the screen of the laptop than what she was from Chell.

Then again, she was supercomputer designed to process vast amounts of information not just from the facility and the computers within it, but also from what she was monitoring of the humans that lived within it. And not many of them actually were still living in it. To have only a minute amount of data seeping into her systems because of the Black Mesa incident must be driving her insane – she probably had to find other ways to stimulate her mind; she would have been starving for it.

When Chell had been testing it wouldn't have been so much of a problem – she was destructive and required GLaDOS's attention lest she blow something else up. Having to assist the test subject with a simple human need like that required next to no thought. As she had put it herself; "Speedy thing goes in. Speedy thing comes out." And after a bit of fiddling, test euphoria happened. It really wasn't that different to the concept behind portals.

In a way, he could almost feel sorry for the AI. She wasn't getting anything out of this. Once again, she was just being used like a machine. At the same time he had witnessed Chell making an effort to include her as well despite her knees wanting to buckle underneath her. He only hoped GLaDOS would recognise that. It was different to what happened the last time that Aperture tried to-...

'Don't even go there, Doug.' He was forced to remind himself as he scratched his fingers through his hair and beard.

Yet despite feeling a little bit sorry for her, he couldn't ignore the lingering thought that this could just be part of some sick game that the supercomputer was playing with the unsuspecting girl. He knew that she knew how attached humans became to objects in the event that they were denied human contact for a long period of time. The Companion Cube was proof of that. To add the element of sexual favours into that could potentially destroy the test subject completely. She knew it. SHE FUCKING KNEW IT. And she was going to keep doing it, too! This was Chell's one weakness, and she was going to exploit it for all it was worth. Doug ground his teeth together angrily, his hands clenched into fists at the sides of his head.

Chell wasn't going to survive.

She had thrown too much trust into the artificial honey of GLaDOS's smile. It wasn't honey, he wanted to call out; it was ice. But he knew she wouldn't understand. She was stuck there like a butterfly, not knowing its wings were about to be pinned. She was merely an experiment under the cold eye of the scientist that had trapped her in a jar. And when the scientist was done, she was going to be put at the back of the shelf amongst the hundreds of other failed experiments, left to collect dust and be forgotten.

Oh, Chell.

Don't let her do this to you. Don't let her win. Open your eyes. See her smile. It doesn't love you. Not like I do.

But she didn't open her eyes. She had just kept desperately kissing two lips that spoke nothing but lies and false promises. The worst part about it all was that Chell – in all her intelligence – knew it too. She could taste the toxin on her tongue, and yet she continued to breathe it in. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it. She was merely a toy for a spoiled child to play with. Right up until she broke and was tossed aside for the next one.

And she was so close to breaking.

* * *

><p>When Doug finally picked up the courage to walk around the corner, he saw the test subject sitting on her bed with her back to the wall. Her knees were drawn up and she had her face buried in her arms. She looked tired. Frustrated. He couldn't blame her. GLaDOS had left her high and dry. There was no satisfaction in that. Just a terrible itch that needed to be scratched.<p>

_You've forgotten about me. _

His mind screamed.

_I can fix it._

_Look at me._

But she never did.

Doug hugged his Companion Cube. Poor Cubey. It was going to need a bath. And grief counselling. It was probably going to end up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after witnessing that attempt at copulation between a human and a machine.

Chell just got up and punched him in the face.

What GLaDOS didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

* * *

><p>Damn that little Rat.<p>

GLaDOS stalked around Caroline's office in a fit of fury, trying her hardest to wear a hole in the carpet from all her pacing. How dare he interrupt science? All of that data was completely wasted now. Chell probably thought that it was all the fault of the AI that her choice in leisure activity had been abruptly ceased. From what she could gather, humans tended to have two reactions when interrupted like that. Anger and frustration. Anger led to physical violence. Frustration led to squirming and then sexual violation of the offender by the afflicted party at a later date. And fun times were had by all.

Still, the possibility that the test subject would want to continue their little experiment after what just happened was slim to nil. Chell was probably going to want to lull her into a false sense of security and then, when she least expected it, thrust her moist crotch all over the AI's delicate parts before tearing out all her precious and extremely expensive hardware. Then she'd find a way to put it all back together in the form of a cabbage. Or maybe a lemon. Or if she was _really_unlucky, she'd be a stalk of wheat. Or some cake. Ohhh, that was a terrible thought. She'd be filled with cream and rubbed all over the test subject's gelatinous body, and then be licked off just to spite her. She knew what fat kids were like with cake.

So GLaDOS threw a pencil.

And a stapler.

And the computer monitor sitting on the desk.

She got so much satisfaction out of seeing the plastic box explode all over the wall that she almost didn't see the orange portal open up behind her. Or the body flying through it that dragged her to the floor by the shoulders.

_:::You are NOT doing that in my office!::: _

Caroline shrieked from somewhere within the AI.

_:::Shut up. __**You**__ did. That was a horrible way to let me know you'd taken up spelunking.:::_

GLaDOS replied haughtily before blocking the connection. She could still hear the muffled protests of the human that had been forced into her head.

But it was much easier to ignore her when there was science to do.


	15. Chapter 15

Having been thoroughly sexually violated by that lunatic, GLaDOS had been dragged back to the little den that they shared with their voyeur roommate against her own free will. She had made sure to voice her displeasure at the notion but at the same time she had wanted to get back to work. Naturally, the test subject had to silently object to this as well. Couldn't she have a moment's peace, where she didn't have to worry about anything going wrong? Instead of staring at a steady stream of data, the AI found herself engaging in the most unpleasant post-coital activity that she could imagine.

_Cuddling_.

How had her life come to this? Forced to share her body with a secretary who didn't want to be here as much as she did; Forced to kill off almost the entire human population of the Enrichment Centre; Forced to hunt a little rat who lived in the walls; Forced to watch as her precious facility was torn down and destroyed by a moron; Forced to become a tuber; and now she had been forced into this pointless and mind numbing activity.

Chell certainly didn't seem to mind, as she was currently snuggled up under the AI's chin. She had made sure that GLaDOS wasn't going to turn her back on her again. No, their sleeping arrangements would be much less rigid and formal this time as far as she was concerned.

What exactly was this supposed to achieve, anyway? Surely the human couldn't have expended so much of her stores of energy during that one little dalliance that she required more sleep? She had seen her perform much more complicated tasks that were much more of a physical drain on her reserves than that had been. GLaDOS began to wonder whether there was something more to this human testing euphoria. She already knew that they felt things differently from her, but this was ridiculous. Furthermore, why was it essential that she remain smothered by the embrace of those flailing appendages afterwards? The AI could understand it if the test subject had to plug herself into something to recharge, but they weren't even the same physical makeup.

GLaDOS lifted her hand, and examined her fingers. They were still sticky from whatever form of lubrication human crotches were covered in. It both smelled and felt quite different to the oil and gel substances she was used to seeing around the facility. Curiosity and boredom got the better of the AI, who put them in her mouth. The electronic tongue feature that she had installed would analyse the chemical compounds contained within the substance, as well as give an artificial assessment of the taste and flavour that it had. She had had quite a bit of fun when first testing out this particular feature when she had first built this body. Sure, the sight of an omnipotent AI wandering around licking walls, furniture and anything else she could find was both hilarious and slightly degrading for her to think about, but it had provided her with a multitude of interesting data to contemplate and store for future use. What she currently had in her mouth though wasn't like anything she had ever tasted before. GLaDOS had drawn the line at licking the cryogenically frozen test subjects that remained in stasis, and but it made her wonder if they all tasted like this. It was palatable and not entirely unpleasant. But she didn't have a frame of reference for which to compare it to.

Chell stirred, and looked sleepily up at the AI, who was staring at the roof with two fingers jammed into her mouth. That wasn't weird at _all_. In fact, the only possible way that it could have been weird was if she had been sucking her thumb. A slender eyebrow rose in question, and she watched as two blue-grey eyes came back down to meet hers.

She had been caught. GLaDOS removed her hand and stared back, before extending her tongue and pressing it against the test subject's forehead.

Okay, NOW she was confused. Perhaps the AI had blown a fuse.

"Upon further examination, I have determined that your face and genitals are of varying taste. You should be pleased. I often can't tell the difference just looking at them."

Ah. There it was. Another opportunity to insult her. Chell just shook her head and smiled. It took her only a second to resume her previous position, curled around the android. Let her play it off however she wanted. It really didn't matter. There was cuddling to do. Her hand came to rest on GLaDOS's chest, where she rubbed in small circles over where that strange nerve centre was located. It immediately had the effect that she had been after as the AI visibly relaxed and stopped holding herself so rigidly. It made for much easier cuddling too, so that was a bonus.

"Hey, what are you doooooo-...ing...Oh. _Oh_...Hmm..."

She could hear the soft humming from somewhere within the android as _something_ changed. Whatever it was effectively silenced her protests and made her quite amenable to having her arms moved by the test subject as Chell loosely wrapped them around her. Hooking her leg over GLaDOS's waist, she burrowed further down against her and continued to gently stimulate that soft spot that she'd discovered to see if it would reap any other rewards.

* * *

><p>Interesting.<p>

Very interesting.

Like that pair of socks with cats on them that he'd discovered in the bottom of someone's desk drawer on one of his foraging missions. Clearly someone hadn't liked their mother's Christmas present. Doug, however, did. They were his most prized pair of foot coverings. But enough of that.

He watched closely as Chell managed to subdue the easily aggravated supercomputer with barely any effort whatsoever. That would be handy knowledge to have in the future in case she ever went ape shit on them again. It would be incredibly demoralizing for her to know that they knew how to put her out of commission and make her do whatever they wanted just by patting her. Of course, there was the little problem of not knowing if GLaDOS was physically unable to resist that manoeuvre, or whether she was letting herself be manipulated like that. He wouldn't put it past her to soak up the pleasure and then spit acid in their faces when they tried to use it against her. He couldn't let himself forget that this was all a game to her.

That face was a lie.

Just like everything else about her. She'd use it against them. It was so hard to remember that she wasn't human when she looked the way she did; pliable and tranquillized under Chell's caress. Doug watched how easy it was for the test subject to press a kiss where her hand had been; how easy it was for her to crawl on top of the android, and how easy it was to swipe her tongue against the silicone. What right did she have to enjoy a touch meant solely for humans and animals? She was a lesser being. She wasn't real. She didn't have emotions like them. Just programming that told her what to do and how to act. It was all just pretend. A game. A horrible, cruel game that Chell didn't even know she was playing. And he was powerless to stop the AI from devouring her whole.

Still, it looked lovely.

* * *

><p>"Huh...Hm..."<p>

It was the only sound the android made as she floated in and out of that semi conscious state. She was aware that some time during all of this the test subject had crawled on top of her, but she had only vague recollections of being kissed and fondled and whatever other terrible things that she was doing to her precious chassis. It felt wonderful. But she wasn't about to tell _her_ that. She couldn't let that little beast know what she was doing to her with her horrible fat lips.

GLaDOS could feel every considerable inch of Chell that was pressed against her when she was momentarily conscious and in control of her faculties. Other than that, the test subject was a strange warmth spread across her that wasn't her own. It wasn't as bad as she'd first thought, but there was science to be did. Done? Dad?

Oh great, now she turned her into a moron too.

An incredibly relaxed moron. An incredibly relaxed moron with science...and there was cake and lemon potato with llama sediment and science and more science and-...

"TEN! Base four! Ffffff-...Che-...Hm."

_:::You idiot.::: _

Came the exasperated voice of her co-inhabitant.

_:::SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP-...Ohhh...Stop it. That feels good...:::_

At GLaDOS's stranger than usual pronouncement, Chell stared up at the android, not quite knowing what to make of it. Was she okay? Had she hurt her or knocked something out of place?

_:::You're going to make her think that you're-...:::_

"Shut up."

Oh god, had she said that out loud?

Apparently so, from the look on Chell's face. And Doug's.

"This is your fault, you- fffffsrrrrkkkkzzzz..." she buzzed out again and closed her eyes when that ball of fat and meat and calcium decided to molest her again.

"Oh, I bet you think that's really funnnnnnnn-eeeeee..." her voice wavered as she got out part of her admonishment before she was attacked once more.

Chell was having a great time, a grin spreading across her face each time her actions caused a reaction. She was fairly sure that was something science. GLaDOS should be proud. At the moment though, she wasn't entirely sure whether the AI was even conscious. Of course, she couldn't be too overzealous with what she was doing. She knew if she pissed the android off enough she'd never be allowed close enough to it again. So she waited until GLaDOS had regained some form of control over her thoughts and mouth before she pressed a kiss to her silicone lips. Chell received a glare for her efforts which she returned with a playful smile before snuggling back up to the artificial human.

"I still hate you. And cuddling. It's terrible."

* * *

><p>Yet despite all her protests, GLaDOS found herself more often than not with the test subject wrapped around her at night in some way, shape or form. And somehow, that little monster had convinced her unconscious self that it was perfectly alright to sleep on her back or even on her other side, facing said monster. What was worse was that she'd also convinced her arms to completely betray her and slip around her of their own free will. Then again, maybe she'd just tricked them with her...tricks...and pulled them around her. That was a much more calming train of thought.<p>

GLaDOS sighed into Chell's dark hair. It was completely degrading. She probably had lice or something. This couldn't be allowed to continue. 

_:::You know it will.:::_

_:::This is all your fault. I knew I should have deleted you.::: _

The AI grumbled. 

_:::Blaming __**my**__ emotions again? Sorry, GLaDOS. These ones are all yours.:::_

_:::No they aren't. I don't have them. You can't make me have them!:::_

_:::I'm not. You do. Just go with it, already. It's like a test.:::_

_:::Is not. I know science. This isn't science. It's pre-meditated murder! She's going to incapacitate me and-...:::_

GLaDOS's panicked rant was cut off this time as Caroline was the one to sever the connection. 

_:::I hate you all.:::_


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:** Wow. Just wow. I can't believe the overwhelmingly positive response I'm getting from all of your lovely reviews. High praise indeed. It makes for a wonderful little gift to see the review updates on my phone while I'm learning boring (but important) things like oxygen therapy and respiratory system diseases. When we got to the part about noxious gas causing damage to the respiratory tract...I'm sure you all know what I was thinking about.

Anyway, thanks again for all your support. I didn't think there was going to be too many more chapters left. Frankly I'm surprised that it has gone on this long. It was much shorter in my head. But now you can all bow down and kiss Jocelyn Torrent's feet, because I was having chat with her and she inadvertently gave me an idea. She doesn't know what it is, but she gave me one that will probably extend the story by a little bit.

* * *

><p>"So, did they do this and run off or what? I don't get it." Eli stared down at the partly reconstructed supercomputer lying on the floor.<p>

"We don't know, sir. We just came down for a shift change and all three of them were gone. We've looked all over the place. The facility is way too big to be searching it all. I wouldn't be surprised if they got lost on the way back."

"That doesn't explain why this thing is being rebuilt. Are you sure it's dead?" he asked warily.

"Well technically computers can't die, sir. They just-..."

"I don't want your damn technicalities! What the hell am I supposed to do with those? Just figure out what the hell is going on, and get the fucking switch installed at the very least! I don't want that thing trying to kill us again!" Eli raged.

"Yes sir." It was better to just do as he says and hope for the best.

It was also better to ignore the fact that he spent a good minute or two hopping around on one foot and swearing after kicking the huge central core.

As it turned out, it was the test euphoria regulator program that had to be installed first. Of course, they didn't let Eli know that until he'd sufficiently calmed down. No use angering a man who had control over their salaries, right? The hub they had been forced to install to regulate the flow was located deeper inside the main body where it was protected by the mass of wires and metal that made up the great beast. It made sense to get that done first. The rest was easy after that. Provided they didn't mind a bit of hard labour in trying to match up tons of heavy steel with parts so small and fine they could barely be seen with the naked eye. Not that they had a choice in the matter. It was just a little spooky down here with all the strange noises and groaning echoing from seemingly nowhere. No wonder Aperture was just a bunch of loonies. They probably went mad just working in this place. It had a way of just sucking the life out of a person the longer they were down here away from the sun. It didn't really matter how the damn thing was put together in their opinion. It just meant they'd be out of here quicker.

The very thought made them work faster.

* * *

><p>Having left the room to go and pace the hallways, Eli eventually found himself one of the old offices to inhabit, away from the noise of the others as they jabbered away about mindless things. They didn't understand how important this mission was. Not just to Black Mesa, but to <em>him<em>. How could they? They weren't there. They were mere shit stains on the underwear of life. They hadn't lived as long as he had. They didn't know the rivalry. To them, Aperture was just some archaeological dig where they'd hope to uncover some technology.

Eli knew better. He'd been there. He'd seen this damned company rise up and take everything from him. And then he'd seen it fall. That had been a glorious day. He'd just been one of the nameless, paper-pushing plebeians back when Aperture Science was in its prime. But the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day tragedy had made them a laughing stock and gave him the push he needed to rise through the ranks of his own company and get himself a prime piece of real estate in the cryogenic storage wing. Who knows how long he'd been sleeping in that thing? All he knew was that it worked. And here he was, finally able to get his hands on the very piece of technology that would push him to the top of Black Mesa with a very generous pay rise to match. But it wasn't just that. There was much more to this than digging up science. They were digging up history too.

The team had to be aware something was up when such an influential figure in the company had decided he was going to dedicate his time to such a menial task of data collection out in the field. Eli didn't care one bit for what they thought of him and this project, just as long as it got done. And they were so close. Once they had this computer under their control his task would be made much easier. It was going to spill all its dirty little secrets, or his name wasn't Eli Johnson!

And if it wouldn't? If it misbehaved again? Well, he'd just have to show it who was boss. He angrily pressed his finger down on the little red button on the controller sitting on the desk. It wouldn't do anything just yet, but God it felt good. Once they got the wireless network up and running he'd have an all access pass to Aperture Science and the information he needed. He wouldn't have to remain in the chamber with that abomination. He could safely stand anywhere he wanted and not have to worry about turrets or neurotoxin or being crushed by that thing. He'd be the one doing the crushing.

One little press of this and he'd have it begging him to stop. Sooner or later it would talk. It would tell him where she was. And then he'd be able to find her. Bring her back. She wouldn't be stuck down here anymore. She'd see this place for what it truly was. A hell hole. She would never come back here as long as he had a say in it. If she wanted science, then Black Mesa would give it to her. But there would be no more of his mad brother's insanity hanging over her head.

That he was sure of.

* * *

><p>"Congratulations. You have once again managed to defy the odds and make our completely irrational plan that was highly likely to fail a success." GLaDOS announced to the room from her position behind the laptop. "And by success, I mean they aren't immediately mobilizing to kill us. It was a good thing I decided to hide those bodies. Who knows what they'd do if they found them."<p>

Chell came over to take a peek at what the android was seeing. She watched the little men scurrying around like ants gathering grains of sugar to take back to their queen. Only in this case, they were gathering parts of the queen to put her back together.

"They are working faster. They must be nearly ready. Also, what is with your incessant need to constantly entangle me in your pudgy extremities?" she grumbled, trying to shake off the arms that had wrapped themselves around her. "I don't remember agreeing that becoming a human surrogate for your disgustingly moist desires would include hugging. Or that hugging would occur outside of the fulfilling of your euphoria protocols."

Taking GLaDOS's protests in her stride, Chell just slapped a big wet kiss on the android's cheek to annoy her. Of course, any scathing remarks became dust in the wind after she slipped her hand down to rub the sensitive spot on her chest. It was amazing how quickly it would quieten her. She didn't do it for very long though, knowing that the AI would be worried about Black Mesa was handling her parts. She wouldn't want to miss any of it. Backing off and letting her work, she curled back up on the pile of lab coats. It was amazing how boring it was down here with no testing to do. Chell wondered how GLaDOS coped with it all. Then again, she HAD synched herself up with that laptop of hers and was flipping through pages faster than she could comprehend.

That was something that both amused and intrigued the test subject. The scientists of Aperture had hooked up huge TV screens and played snippets of human history and all sorts of information to her at an incredible speed. GLaDOS was a virtual repository of information. She could probably tell her all sorts of things about a world that she'd never even seen with her own eyes, and yet would still know more than Chell in her brief time outside the facility. It did make her itch with the possibilities of all the stories she could hear, no doubt interspersed with all sorts of sarcastic commentary on the human condition. But that would involve breaking her silence and speaking to GLaDOS. She wasn't quite ready to give her that just yet.

* * *

><p>A little annoyed at the fact the test subject had found a way to shut her up, GLaDOS used some backwards logic to determine it was necessary to give her the silent treatment. She'd suffer now, deprived of the AI's unending wisdom and helpful advice! And that was the way she remained throughout the night; stoic and silent as she simultaneously kept an eye on Black Mesa and whizzed through videos, pictures and texts full of human history.<p>

It was probably around 3am when Chell knelt before the android and lifted her head from her hands, cradling it between her own so that she could press a kiss against those artificial lips.

GLaDOS didn't even offer the barest hints of a protest at her actions and followed her to bed when the girl beckoned. Black Mesa had called it a night hours ago, so she might as well do so too. All she had really been doing was filling her head with nonsense about a world that barely even existed anymore.

* * *

><p>Despite the late hour, Doug was there to see how Chell gently coaxed the android into her bed and into her arms that night. He knew that the AI wasn't getting any pleasure out of it, yet watched as she freely pandered to the human's desires when she was drawn closer. He watched as GLaDOS's hands and lips roamed over and under the expanse of that white singlet, touching things that she wasn't allowed to touch. Yet Chell still offered it to her. There had to be something more to the relationship than what met the eye, because it made less sense than the stuff he heard coming from his own mouth at times.<p>

And truly there was, as Chell hadn't taken her to bed that night for her own pleasure. She had simply recognized that the android needed to take her mind off what was going on. She couldn't offer her voice, but she _could_ do what she had always done; offer her body to the AI to test and to manipulate however she pleased. It was a crude and primitive tactic, but it worked. It was just by extension that both of them would get something out of having the warm hands of a computerized killer upon her breast and those synthetic lips against her throat. 

Doug hated the way it made her moan.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note:** Just letting you guys know I might not be able to post for a couple of days, as I have homework and a trip to Melbourne to worry about for my nursing course. Ugh. I'm a country kid. I have no idea how to function in the city. I hope I don't get lost. At least the ride down there and back will give me a chance to write up another chapter.

* * *

><p>There were some nights that Doug loved.<p>

Those nights he got to see her in all her glory, laid bare under the AI's touch; her skin smooth and tanned from her time under a radiant sun. It was wonderful to watch how the light and shade danced off her flesh from that one little lantern. He loved it when the android took her time in sliding the clothing off her human partner, piece by piece in a tantalizing display. GLaDOS never undressed though, save for the removal of her lab coat which she would bundle Chell up in to keep her warm against the cold. Somehow though, he didn't think that many of those goosebumps upon her skin were from the chilled air.

Doug often found himself wondering if the android really knew what she was doing to the test subject. Like any physical relationship it took a little trial and error to find out what worked and what didn't. From the look on Chell's face, pretty much all of it worked. But that wasn't the part he was concerned with. He didn't want the girl to end up a blubbering lunatic like him. He knew she wasn't crazy like GLaDOS always told her she was. She was smart and cunning, and she definitely wasn't fat. Not even overweight.

She was beautiful.

Actually...

Okay, so maybe she _was_ fat...in the chest. Those things were marvellous.

But still, he had spent so long looking after her that it felt wrong seeing her willingly submit to the artificially intelligent being that she'd spent all her time fighting against. It was terrible the way a coy smile spread its way onto a closed-eye expression of enjoyment every time she felt GLaDOS's mouth upon her neck or her hand between her legs. And it was terrible the way she'd arch up against her, biting her lip and clinging to GLaDOS every time the supercomputer did something just right. Chell always ended up exposing her throat to the wolf whenever she fell back against their bed in open-mouthed bliss. One of these days, he knew it would bite. She may not be a lunatic, but she was bloody stupid sometimes.

It really wasn't fair. GLaDOS was never supposed to have her in the first place. She would have remained in stasis amongst the ten thousand other humans in extended relaxation if it wasn't for him. SHE never came to check on her. SHE probably didn't even know she was there until he switched her into the cue. But Doug did. He'd visited her whenever he could. She was his one ray of sunshine in the dark world he had been forced to live in. He'd often sit by her bedside, holding her hand or brushing her hair whenever it got messy from sleep. He'd loved how soft her skin felt against his own– it was so pale back then – that he eventually worked up the courage to caress her cheek. She barely even stirred when he'd kissed her.

His time living in the walls of Aperture as a necessity had stopped him from seeing her immediately after the disaster of Bring Your Daughter To Work Day when GLaDOS had killed almost everyone off. But he'd never forgotten her. Eventually he'd found a way back to her. He never had to worry about her waking up when he laid beside her, telling her in increasingly broken and garbled speech about how his days were. He could have sworn there was a smile on her face when he told her about Cubey. Then again, comparing it to the one that was there now, he'd probably just imagined it. It was lonely down here, and getting attached to objects that didn't speak or show emotion seemed to be a fact of life in this madhouse. It hadn't stopped him from gathering the sleeping woman in his arms and holding her though. It was nice to pretend that she was his. Perhaps in another world she could have even been his girlfriend, or his wife. He was a bit older than her, but it didn't matter. She hadn't complained when his hands may have roamed a little bit further than they should have. She just lay there quietly and accepted him. Surely she could understand how lonely he was.

But seeing the way she responded to the AI made him realize that she was never his. She'd never acted like that when he'd been inside her. Her cheeks were never flushed like that as he pulled off her jumpsuit. And she'd certainly never smiled like that at him. It wasn't Chell. He'd been living a lie. A stupid little fantasy that was only his. And he could never tell her about it either. He only hoped that GLaDOS never told her either. He was fairly sure that she knew about his secret visits. Like she knew about everything that happened in this God-forsaken place. Now she was just rubbing it in his face.

That horrid, evil witch that did nothing but belittle the girl was the one that got to revel in her touch. Those little moans and murmurs were meant only for her. GLaDOS didn't even so much do her the honour of thinking about her during their little trysts. She was thinking about science. It was appalling, really. It was just as bad as cheating on her, in his books. She would always be the Scientist, and never the Lover. Always watching to see how her actions would affect the test subject each time she kissed her here, or touched her there.

But with every night that subsequently passed, he began to doubt in his seemingly intransigent predictions.

GLaDOS remained as aloof and untouchable to the outside world as ever. She never undressed and there was never a hair out of place. Her clothes were never rumpled in the morning, nor did she glow with that tell-tale "I just got laid" grin.

But Doug had seen something else. Something that he wondered if even Chell had missed.

GLaDOS closed her eyes.

It may have seemed a minor detail to anyone else. She closed her eyes to sleep, and closed them while blinking. But Doug knew better than that. GLaDOS never closed her eyes to science. If there was something to be observed, she would watch more intently than any other being on the planet. Her patience and dedication was insurmountable. All aspects of testing must be observed. He knew it was in her protocols somewhere. That's why there were so many of those fucking cameras around the place. But if seeing was believing, then what he was forced to believe was that GLaDOS was completely ignoring science. Because a good scientist wouldn't take their eyes off their project while testing.

And yet here he witnessed the AI's eyes flutter closed as her synthetic lips brushed softly against the corner of Chell's mouth. That wasn't very scientific. He watched the way she buried her face in the human's neck which stopped her from observing anything the test subject was doing. That wasn't scientific either. It completely went against proper testing procedures. And he saw the way she completely seized up as Chell's hand slipped up under her shirt and grasped that nerve centre located deep within her chest.

The effects of that particular move rendered the android completely immobile against her free will. Chell had easily been able to flip her onto her back and slither on top of her to do many of the things that had been done to her. But that hand still remained firmly wrapped around the glowing and gently pulsing bundle, her fingers taking the time to press against it in all sorts of ungodly ways that caused the AI to twitch and shudder.

Doug knew the instant that he heard GLaDOS moan that Chell was completely lost to him.

She looked so incredibly satisfied sitting there on top of the supercomputer, naked as the day she was born, her lips twisted into an egotistical smirk. She'd obviously found what she wanted. But she still went back for more, sweeping her sweat-soaked hair out of her face as it escaped from the tight ponytail she had it in.

It was GLaDOS's turn to be the test subject now, and Doug rolled over to face the wall to give them some privacy. He didn't want to see that. It would be hard enough to sleep after seeing what he already had seen. Whatever relationship they had was against the laws of nature. Machines could be built to pleasure a man, but they were not meant to receive it. Chell was a fool to think that she could. GLaDOS would never love her. She would continue to insult her and hurt her and throw her aside. The girl would be distraught. It was little more than emotional abuse. Yet he couldn't deny that the little noises that Chell voiced were solely for the android. It was like she had been made for GLaDOS's own personal amusement. They had been made for each other. And they looked good together.

Science really did suck sometimes. Perhaps that was why he'd become a programmer instead. A scientist would always be there to watch, but never participate. An impartial observer. But wasn't that what he was doing now? Not so much the impartial part, but he was certainly becoming quite the peeping tom. He could admit that he was a little ashamed about that, but really, what did they expect him to do when he was stuck with a pretty girl and an equally beautiful construct who looked human that went at each other like it was their last night on earth?

Torture.

That's what it was. Pure and simple.

* * *

><p>Chell pressed her sweaty face into the exposed chest of the android, taking in a deep breath of the warm silicone smell that permeated her very being. She didn't think she'd ever be able to take in that scent again without thinking of GLaDOS.<p>

Although the android had refused to undress, she had managed to convince her to leave the buttons undone for the test subject's enjoyment. Chell didn't quite know how, given she'd never said a word to her, but the view was incredible and she wasn't about to spoil it. Her hand came up to touch the lacy black material that was cupping the breasts of her bed mate. For once her desire to apparently molest everything wasn't complained about, and she was quite gleeful when GLaDOS just wrapped her further into the lab coat and drew her closer to that wonderful warmth.

Chell could hear her generators humming when she pressed an ear to her chest. She was so used to hearing that sound and having an incredibly still body next to her that she wondered if she'd ever cope with hearing a heart beating within a moving chest next to her. The notion seemed somehow farfetched and foreign, like as if she was the only organic structure to exist. She knew it wasn't true. There were others out there. She'd had plenty of offers of having a warm body to lie next to at night. It just wasn't quite the same as hearing the sounds of Aperture.

Chell knew that she couldn't go back to searching for a human to spend her life with. Just trying to adopt a stray dog and have it in bed with her had been bad enough. It snored and farted, and kicked and barked. Oh, and she was fairly sure it gave her fleas. Never again. The deathly stillness of GLaDOS was much more preferable to that. Of course, she had no doubt that the AI would try and kick her out again once all this was over. She was probably just putting up with this little relationship until Black Mesa was out of the picture. Then it would be done. She'd be out on her own once more to fend for herself in the human world.

Granted, she'd been doing alright for herself for a girl with very few memories of the outside and even less knowledge of how things worked. She'd just been fortunate enough to find a kind old woman in a cottage in the outskirts of some town that had been willing to put up with her strange panic attack when she'd brought out a pitcher of freshly squeezed lemonade. But after being convinced that it wasn't poison and was - in fact – delicious and perfectly okay to accept, Chell spilled her story in garbled bits and pieces. She was sure that the woman probably thought she was a complete nutcase, but she'd been given a change of clothes that had belonged to the woman's daughter who had passed away some years ago and was told to take a shower. Added to that was a nice warm meal and a soft bed, and Chell thought she had died and gone to heaven. All she had to do was help around the homestead and she was allowed to stay there rent free.

She was a lovely old lady, who baked her all sorts of wonderful treats. But the former test subject had broken down into a blubbering mess the first time she'd brought out a cake. Also, mashed potatoes were a no-no. Potatoes of any kind, really. Baked beans too. Large boxes were out. And ball games – they made her flinch and duck for cover. It had taken a lot of trial and error to determine what set the traumatized girl off, especially since she spent most of her time in her room and refused to go out into the wider world. Eventually the woman had convinced her to accompany her on little outings like going to the shops for a carton of milk, and later on with bigger tasks like doing the week's shopping. Many in the small town had wondered who she was, as she refused to speak to people. But Chell eventually got over her shyness and had begun to interact with them. She still refused to eat cake or potatoes, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't so bad.

In the end though, she had realized that it wasn't home. It was a nice vacation, but she needed to go back to Aperture. And it was a good thing that she did too, because she had seen the Black Mesa vans that had cut through the wheat field and parked themselves outside the shed that hid the entrance to the Enrichment Centre.

This was home.

She just hoped she'd be allowed to stay.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note:** Huzzah! I managed to get another chapter done after all.

* * *

><p>GLaDOS had no clue how the pest had managed to worm herself so firmly into her life that she was now sleeping with her. It was an exceedingly human characteristic that she had absolutely no need or desire for, and yet here she was, continuing to cater to her little flights of fancy. No matter how many times she had reminded Chell of the fact that she was a computer and not something that she should be having feelings for, the girl always managed to brush her off and demanded her attentions anyway. It didn't make sense in any way, shape or form. Out of thousands of test subject, why had it been this one that managed to get through all the tests, kill her, come back, try to kill her again and put a moron in charge of her beautiful facility, cart her around as a potato and then leave before coming back AGAIN to molest her to death? Nobody liked the AI. That was the way it worked. But this one had apparently decided that she did.<p>

Absolute nutter.

It was the only explanation as to why she had been seen as a viable sexual partner for her former test subject. She knew it wasn't the lack of humans, because she'd been monitoring Chell's progress through her Companion Cube on occasion. She'd had plenty of opportunities to mate with her own kind. But still, she had come back and thrown herself into the arms of her enemy. It made the AI wonder what would happen once she was back in the central chassis and had put this body back into storage for any future emergencies. Would it make Chell remember how vastly different they were? Would she leave again or just demand that the android be brought out to play?

GLaDOS found herself a little offended at the thought of that happening. She knew perfectly well that the mechanics of that situation were next to impossible with the giant structure, but it was still _her_ body. This humanoid construct was a temporary measure. Chell might as well have been having unsanitary relations with a pile of mashed potatoes for all it mattered. The worst part about it all was that GLaDOS didn't know why she cared enough about the situation to even think about it. A glare was tossed down at the top of the test subject's head from where it was firmly nestled against her chest. It couldn't be allowed to happen. The lunatic needed to understand the difference between a normal human relationship and having an artificial human at her side. Furthermore, GLaDOS noted, much less time needed to be spent together, because she had just realized that she had been referring to herself as human. Machine, computer, robot. That was what she was, and that would be what she would stay as.

It couldn't be any other way.

It wasn't supposed to be.

So GLaDOS just blamed it all on the brain-damaged nut job when she found herself wrapping her up in her lab coat to protect her from the cold and any prying eyes that weren't her own. It was definitely Chell's fault that she'd become accustomed to having her snuggled up in her arms at night. And it was her fault too that she'd found out that sometimes bad things _didn't_ happen when humans got sweaty and rubbed their sticky bodies all over her. And poked their sweaty, dirty fingers against her test euphoria centre. In fact, it was completely Chell's fault that she'd found out that it was a disgustingly wonderful feeling that she wouldn't mind feeling again.

It was shameful, really.

She had spent all her time claiming she didn't need it because she was barely able to feel it anymore. And now that it was back? It was like waving a piece of fried chicken under the nose of a fat kid on a diet. GLaDOS wanted it. Needed it. But she wasn't going to lower herself and beg the human to touch her again. That would be pathetic. She couldn't give her that satisfaction or power over her. She would just have to suffer in silence.

It was terrible to think that she might be feeling that horrible itch to test and withdrawal from the euphoria in her central chassis though. What if that happened? How was she supposed to sustain a constant flow of euphoria now that so many of the test subjects had died? Sure, Orange and Blue might have been able to help, but they were frustrating and took forever to solve the tests. GLaDOS found herself wishing that she could have felt the difference of the reward protocols between all the previous test subjects and Chell. She solved tests quickly and efficiently and just kept going. Not like the others who were too cautious and lingered around, not wanting to move on. It just made the AI angry and so horribly _itchy_.

Chell certainly wouldn't want to go back to testing, that was for sure. She'd probably just want to keep all that euphoria for herself. Take, take, take and never give. That's all humans ever did with her. GLaDOS could easily see that she'd be expected to do all sorts of lecherous things to please the girl, but when it came to solving a couple of teeny-weenie tests for her benefit? She wouldn't even touch the damn button or pick up a cube. Because she didn't understand. Didn't understand that it was the only way she could feel anything. She clenched her teeth so hard she thought they'd snap off in her mouth.

Her generators must have kicked up a notch, because she felt Chell nuzzle against that spot on her chest and place another soft kiss against it to calm her down. And it worked too, which was annoying. So GLaDOS just reached for that dirty orange jumpsuit and the rest of the test subject's clothing, thrusting it between them.

"Put that back on. I don't want to marinate in your smelly human juices forever, you know." GLaDOS spat viciously, rolling over so that she was no longer facing the test subject.

Chell didn't exactly know what had caused the sudden change of heart in the android, but she did as she was told and then proceeded to press herself back up against her and wrap her arms around her.

Too much thinking makes GLaDOS a nasty robot.

* * *

><p>The nasty robot in question ended up leaving while Chell was asleep. Even with the occasional brush of her hand against her exposed chest, she simply felt too restless to lie there any longer. The buttons of her blouse were hastily done up and the wrinkles were smoothed out until she was looking perfectly preened as always. And then she was gone.<p>

It presented Doug with the perfect opportunity once she left.

It had taken a while for him to awaken, but when he did he noticed the distinct lack of android in the room. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he had scuttled over to the woman who was resting peacefully when he had determined that GLaDOS wasn't going to immediately return. He had to be careful now. He had to constantly remind himself that she wasn't in stasis anymore. She was running on adrenal vapours and could wake up at the slightest provocation. But she looked so beautiful laying there with her hair all messed up and stuck to her forehead like that. He just had to reach out and touch her.

Ever so lightly, he swept one of the strands off her face and tucked it back behind her ear. She didn't wake. Doug swept the other strands back into their rightful place, and then brought his hand to her cheek to cup it gently. A small smile came to her face as she nuzzled into the warm hand.

Ah, there it was.

A smile just for him.

'I did that. Look at what I did. She likes me. She likes that.' His mind told him gleefully.

Doug leaned his scruffy face down, preparing to give the sleeping beauty a kiss as his hand wandered down the gentle pulsing along her neck. Inches away from her lips, he was stopped by an incredibly strong hand wrapped in the back of his collar. He nearly choked.

Looking up, he was met with the enraged glare of a very, VERY angry GLaDOS.

He barely had time to gulp down the thick ball of dread clogging his throat when she heaved him off the girl in one swift motion and sent him flying. Doug landed with a pained yelp and a bang on top of the Companion Cube. It in turn shrieked against the concrete floor. There was no time to even scramble helplessly to his feet, as both of her hands latched around his neck as she started squeezing the life out of him. He couldn't even remember ever seeing her quite like this. Maybe it was the human expression of unadulterated rage across her face instead of the blank white canvas that did it, but he knew she was mad. REALLY mad. Doug could feel his trachea slowly being crashed as he kicked and struggled, the pressure building up in his head until he could barely hear or see. He was sure his face was a horrible shade of purple or red by now. It didn't take long. He couldn't even reach the lantern to smash against her head in hopes of distracting her long enough to escape as she held him down on top of the cube.

He was going to die.

Fortunately for the programmer though, he wasn't the only one in the room.

Chell had woken with a start at hearing the commotion. After seeing Doug kicking and gurgling under the grip of the android, she had immediately leapt up and onto GLaDOS's back, doing her best to rip her from him. The moment she turned around enough, Chell let fly with a vicious slap across her cheek that echoed in the tiny alcove. It sent her glasses flying off her face until they cracked against the wall.

Everything was silent as GLaDOS slowly let go of the perverted little madman.

Although her cheek didn't redden, the test subject's hand certainly did. And it stung. Chell clutched it and looked up at her, horrified at what she had just done. The AI looked like she'd just been completely betrayed and shell shocked all at once.

GLaDOS didn't say a word as she stared back at the human who had hit her. It was a long moment of forever before she finally took a few steps backwards and slowly exited the room. They could hear the clicking of her heels long after she'd left the immediate vicinity. They never wavered in their rhythm.

A long blast of air left Chell's lips in a hurry when she remembered she needed to breathe. What the hell had just happened? She turned to Doug, looking for some kind of answer. He had huddled himself up in the corner and was picking at the walls.

"I didn't do it. Didn't mean to. It was lovely. She was mad. She was gone but then she was there. Then I died." He gibbered piteously. It only served to anger the girl, but for what reason, she didn't know.

Tugging at her knotted hair, she let out a growl and picked up the portal device. She would just have to go and find the AI herself and find a way to apologise. It wasn't going to be easy, and the stinging in her hand reminded her of that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:** So I survived my trip to Melbourne. That's a start. However, I only managed to get a concept map of this and possibly parts of other chapters done because people were loud and noisy on the train. Otherwise this would have been posted sooner. I'm just lucky we got out early today so I have a bit more time to actually write this one. I should try to get more chapters out sooner because at the end of this month and into December we have a butt load of assignments due. Something close to 9. It's wicked.

* * *

><p>What the hell was that?<p>

Did Chell seriously just slap her?

GLaDOS; a multimillion dollar, state of the art, highly important, artificially intelligent supercomputer had just been slapped by a test subject. A test subject who was literally worth nothing to anyone, except in the fact that she could test. She was made of the same bone, the same meat, the same everything as any other human and had the added weight of being an adopted, brain-damaged technophile who was liked by no-one. Chell was nothing, and she had slapped her.

And for what?

For saving her from that perverted, scruffy little rat who was covered in beard dirt and talked to a fucking box with a heart painted on the side? The logical part of her processors told her that it was because Chell had no idea what was going on and was only making sure her friend stayed alive, but GLaDOS wasn't even remotely prepared to consider that possibility. She had slapped her. Right in the face. Her speakers hissed and crackled, unable to even form a string of words that made sense. The AI then dug her fingers into the desk she was leaning over, creating long grooves in the wood as they were raked towards her in frustration. How had this even become possible?

Oh, but GLaDOS already knew the answer to that question.

She had allowed Chell too much freedom. Allowed her to become too close. The girl didn't even respect her. She never had. Where was the thanks she got after being so helpful down in the bowels of Aperture when the test subject was trying to find her way around? She'd even impaled her on the portal gun. But did she complain? Well, she had complained a little, but that was because it hurt. After that, she'd turned her attentions on trying to get the girl out of there and back to the surface. What had she received in return? A smile? A wave? An apology, written or verbal? No. All she had received was control over Aperture, which was already hers to begin with. And Chell technically didn't even help with that, other than bringing her back to the main chamber. She just tried to save the moron who was the cause of all of this in the first place while she was putting herself back together.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fucking fair!

GLaDOS put her fist through the desk, a little surprised at the fury and vulgar choice of words in her own thoughts. Her life had been one disaster after the other since that stupid test subject had woken up and ruined everything. Not even the tests she had completed. There were thousands of humans she could put in different chambers. The only difference between Chell and the others was the fact that she'd completed all of them, allowing for a measure of consistency for one result out of the many others. One. Meaning she was an anomaly, and basically wouldn't be counted. There wasn't even any test euphoria to look forward to. Chell was worthless. She had given her nothing. And here she was, giving the selfish little fatty everything.

For the first time since the Intelligence Dampening Sphere had been removed, GLaDOS felt like an idiot.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she hissed again.

She'd even stooped so low as to engage in sexual relations with the test subject, who was only after her own pleasure. She knew that GLaDOS couldn't feel anything unless she played with that test euphoria centre. But that was just a game to her. It was so obvious now. It was just one way for her to assert her dominance over the AI and to leave her helpless. And for all her endless intelligence, she had believed that Chell had been doing it to give something back.

It was a good thing the android didn't have saliva, because she was quite certain she would be spitting it everywhere as she continued to crackle and fizz worse than a shaken soda bottle that was about to blow its top. Oh, how she wished that Anger core was stuck back on her. With all the ranting and raving it did, it somehow seemed to regulate her behaviour and that all consuming emotion. Without it now, she felt spectacularly out of control. Not that she liked being under the control of others; it was just her own control that she missed. This felt awful. Like one of her circuits was about to get fried at any moment.

At the touch on her arm, GLaDOS immediately spun around and cracked Chell straight across the face with a walloping smack that was just as loud as the one that she had dealt out. The girl stumbled backwards, her cheek already an incredible shade of red.

"That's for slapping me!" the android childishly shrieked.

No, really? Idiot.

Rubbing her face, Chell ashamedly acquiesced to the fact that GLaDOS had every right to slap her back. She hadn't quite expected her to be that angry, but she had been aware of the AI's over the top reactions to even the smallest things. What was also unexpected was the second slap to the same cheek after she stepped forward and was met with a pointed finger. Okay, she could understand that one too. Chell took a deep breath and gave her best puppy dog eyes. Her face only hurt more with number three. This was getting ridiculous. Biting her lower lip and gritting her teeth together, the test subject tightly closed her eyes and waited for number four when she held the pair of cracked spectacles up that had fallen off when-...yep, that hurt too. There were definitely some nerves dying there.

"Now we're even." GLaDOS finally announced, her voice much calmer now.

Chell immediately made the mistake of opening her eyes and reaching toward the android to draw her into a hug.

GLaDOS slapped her other cheek this time.

"I lied."

The sting was enough to make her eyes water. Okay. That was it. Enough with the slapping. The test subject was forced to grin and bear it, her teeth tightly clenched. Was that a metal taste in her mouth? Was she bleeding? Didn't that metal taste happen when a person tasted blood? Oh god, she better not have knocked a tooth loose. Chell ran her tongue around in her mouth to make sure they were all there.

They were.

'Thank god.' She sighed.

SMACK!

Chell immediately shoved GLaDOS backwards into the desk the moment she felt the sharp contact with her cheek for the sixth time. But the android didn't stay away for long, and wrapped two hands around that frail little stalk known as a neck and bore down in a crushing grip. Lifting the human up, she slammed her back on top of the desk much the same as what she had done with Doug. Only this time, she was willing to get up close and personal in her face. Let the horrid little creature see just what she was dealing with. This wasn't some game. She'd show her that she couldn't just play her like some stupid, stupid game on an even dumber computer. GLaDOS reveled in how the test subject was slowly turning red as she scraped and scratched at the AI's arms. She didn't even mind when her perfect hairstyle was ruined by the flailing appendages.

She couldn't help but laugh maniacally as Chell pressed her hands to her chest in a frantic attempt to calm her down.

"Oh come on. You didn't really think I'd let you get away with that, did you? That was the first thing I did on my way here. I took the nearest piece of metal and fashioned myself a protective plate. Now you can't hurt me anymore." GLaDOS seethed, her voice holding an almost desperate and pained quality to it.

But Chell didn't need to hear it. Those eyes may have been artificial, but they told her everything she needed to know. She just wished she was better at getting her own point across. It was hard to do when her life was slowly slipping away from her, but she stopped struggling and tried to go as limp as she could while pressing her hand to the android's cheek. There was a bit of a twitch and a falter, but the grip only tightened as she watched GLaDOS correct herself.

So the test subject curled her hand around the back of the AI's head and drew her closer instead of trying to push her away. It managed upset her centre of balance, so that was something that made it much easier to force her lips against the silicone ones. It only made Chell feel like she was choking further, and despite her body begging her to kick and fight, she only wrapped her legs tightly around the waist of the android to hold her in place. If she was going to die, then let GLaDOS remember every last little intimate inch of her death. Give her something she could replay over and over again. She'd just love that. It took a few seconds of the frantic kiss for her to respond, but the crushing weight on her neck was released.

The sudden rush of oxygen to her brain had Chell's head spinning with black spots dancing in her vision. The whole room felt like she was going through a million different portals at all sorts of angles with no time to land as it tipped and tilted. Fairly certain that she had passed out for a second as she gasped, the test subject had no problem with limply laying there on the desk with the android between her legs. The sad part about it all was that to anyone that might have entered the room, it would have looked like Chell had been bent over the desk for an entirely different reason.

"I _hate_ you. I hateyouIhateyouI_HATE_you." GLaDOS painfully seethed again through clenched teeth, her face mere inches away from the woman she had been strangling.

Chell jumped at the loud bang of the AI's fist against the desk right next to her head.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you? Why are you always doing this to me? Why did you do that? I can't keep doing-...you can't-..."

The exhausted human could feel the tenderness of the already bruising flesh of her throat when a single hand was placed back around it to give a short but soft squeeze again. A warning, perhaps? At least she could still breathe. Taking another precious lungful of air, Chell was much less forceful this time as she took GLaDOS by the lapels and gave them a pleading tug to draw her in. Knocking the hand off her neck, she wrapped both arms around the AI's shoulders when she felt them give a little and drew her in for another, softer kiss in apology.

'Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. She's not getting away with it that easily.' GLaDOS tried to remind herself.

This must be what an adrenaline kick for the humans felt like. Maybe it was even like the formation of a new planet out in space. One big bursting output of energy and then nothing. Or _something_. All GLaDOS knew was that it felt like her generators and processors had been going at full speed, clogged with some massive wad of data that was too large for even her to process efficiently. But now that the data dump had come back down to a manageable level, she felt..._tired_.

So she just kissed her back.

It was easier that way.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note:** I'm not particularly happy with the way this chapter turned out. It doesn't feel as descriptive or as good as it could be, particularly during the first couple of pages. I don't know what I was thinking or where my brain was, but it certainly wasn't all there when I was writing it. It seems more like a filler than a proper chapter. So I apologize for any decline in quality you may have noticed.

* * *

><p>Here she was again, letting it happen.<p>

It really was pathetic the way she was letting herself be manipulated like this.

It wasn't that different to letting Black Mesa do the exact same thing. The only difference was that she knew what Black Mesa was after. Chell, on the other hand, was still as much a mystery to the supercomputer as she was the day that they had first met. Perhaps the problem was that unlike a scientific mystery, GLaDOS had no idea how to go about solving _her_. Even cutting her open and stitching her back together wouldn't yield any usable data – except maybe show signs of a brain tumour that could have been pressing on her frontal lobes. That might explain the dramatic mood swings between murder and molestation. After all, it was more plausible and easily explained than Chell having suddenly had an epiphany during her time outside the Enrichment Centre.

Mostly because GLaDOS couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of an epiphany would cause the former test subject to come to a conclusion that sticking her tongue in a robot was a good idea. Then again, none of that did anything to answer her question of why this was being allowed to happen.

GLaDOS pulled away from Chell and slapped her across the face once more. It was lighter than the others, but still stung.

"Don't think that you can distract me that easily, [Subject Name Here]. I still remember what you did to me. I'll _always_ remember the terrible things you- mmph!"

The android's rant was cut off in surprise as the girl just kissed her again, obviously not content with having her Casual Copulation Associate standing between her legs and doing nothing but talking. The associate in question was none-too-pleased that she wasn't being listened to, but she really shouldn't have assumed that it would be any different just because she had agreed to have relations with her.

GLaDOS didn't get much of a chance to ponder that train of thought as she buried her face in Chell's neck and collapsed on top of her on the desk.

* * *

><p>'Now that's more like it!' the test subject thought gleefully as she drew the AI closer. It really didn't matter what had caused her sudden change of mind as long as it meant that she'd be doing all sorts of lascivious things with her tongue.<p>

But nothing happened.

Chell struggled to wheeze out a breath as she felt the weight of the android bear down on her ribs and remain there. Was she trying to crush her to death? Oh, the irony. Wiggling to a more comfortable position, she brought her hands to GLaDOS's shoulders and pushed her up just a little. It was much harder than she anticipated, despite the fact that the white-haired scientist wasn't deliberately fighting against her. In fact, she wasn't doing anything much at all. When finally she lifted her head out of the crook of her neck and held it between her hands, Chell realized why.

GLaDOS was dead.

Well, not technically dead, but she certainly wasn't awake.

Those artificial eyes that had seemed so bright and piercing were now just lifeless. Pupils fixed and dilated, they didn't even so much as twitch when her hands came close to them. Chell panicked, her immediate reaction being to kick and push until she'd hefted the supercomputer off her and let her unceremoniously fall to the floor with a heavy thump. Upon rising, the girl looked down at the sprawled out figure.

It was a dead body. A mannequin.

Nothing.

There was nothing to say that GLaDOS had once been in that thing.

Leaping from her perch, the test subject knelt down and started shaking her. What the hell was going on? Why wasn't she waking up? Did she have a virus? Was her battery flat? Did she do this just to get out of their little tryst? But it wasn't until she heard the familiar crackle of static over the loudspeaker system that she had any idea of what had caused the little power outage.

"W-what? What haaappennnned? Where-..oh _no_. Not _you_ again..." GLaDOS's tinny voice echoed out over the facility before she had a chance to direct it where it was needed.

But as soon as the supercomputer had all her systems online and accounted for, she immediately cut off the external feeds. It wasn't quick enough though, and Chell had heard it all.

GLaDOS was back in charge.

And that meant that Black Mesa were as well.

* * *

><p>The stream of numbers and letters before her eyes lasted mere seconds as the AI woke from her temporary blackout. System after system slowly powered up, leaking data into her consciousness. GLaDOS panicked for a moment, having almost forgotten what it was like to be receiving so much input from the different areas of the facility. Everything had been so very dull as an android that the sudden and unexpected influx of information had her reeling. It very nearly shut her right back down. Struggling to sort through it all and file it away where it belonged, the supercomputer mumbled to herself, unaware that it had been transmitted through the speaker system. Hearing her voice echo through the corridors, GLaDOS quickly shut off the feed. But not before she had waded through enough information to finally make sense of what she was seeing in front of her.<p>

Nonononononono! This couldn't be happening. Not now! It was too soon! This was entirely the test subject's fault. Distracting her. She should have been making plans to stop this! If [Subject Name Here] hadn't interrupted her scheming with her need for nudity and genital stimulation, this never would have come to pass.

GLaDOS panicked further, twisting this way and that to determine where all the humans were situated around her body. If she had a stomach, she was quite sure that she would be feeling quite nauseous by now. Going from an android body to this one without following proper protocols was just sickening. The immediate perspective changes alone were enough to throw her for a loop.

Attempting to draw herself up towards the ceiling and out of their reach only proved fruitless, as she found the heavy chains were still weighing her down and binding her to the floor. It didn't stop the huge construct from straining desperately against them though.

UP! UP! UP!

It was no use. They only creaked and scraped against her chassis, threatening to leave deep gouges in the paintwork. Realizing a futile attempt when she saw it, GLaDOS was forced to concede defeat on that point and kept herself as high off the ground as the chains would allow. Her optic narrowed as Eli stepped away from the main console and towards the towering supercomputer that he so loathed. Immediately she picked up on the small box he held in his hand with several buttons glaring out at her. Lunging toward him as fast as a snake strike, she detected only a hint of fear when he flinched. The chains groaned and shrieked around her, setting the soldiers on edge. But she wasn't quite close enough. Just a few inches more and-...

"Ah ah ah!" Eli reprimanded tauntingly, waving the controller in front of her face. He watched as her optic followed it. "I'm sure you're aware of what this little baby is capable of. I wouldn't want to have to give you a demonstration again now would I, Gladus?"

"GLaDOS. My. Name. Is. GLaDOS." The AI growled lowly.

"I really don't give a flying fuck how your name is pronounced, you idiotic piece of junk!" Eli snapped, a smug little smile crossing his face as he saw the AI flinch in revulsion at his choice of words. "As far as I'm concerned, you'll be called whatever the hell I want to call you, and you'll do whatever I want you to do. IS THAT CLEAR?"

"I'M NOT A MORON!" GLaDOS shrieked, struggling against the chains again.

Eli just laughed. "I never called you a moron. I said you were an idiot. Clearly you aren't even smart enough to realize that. I mean, honestly, how did they expect something like you to run this place and do all the things that intelligent _humans_ can do when you can't even pick up on something as obvious as that?"

"Shut up! I'm not an idiot! That little ball was clinging to my brain like a tumour! It wasn't my fault. I had to get rid of him. I'm smart again now, you pathetic little monkey. I wiped him off the face of this earth. Literally. And I'll do the same to you!" she seethed, all thoughts of remaining aloof and cocky completely escaping her grasp.

"No you won't. You won't be doing anything unless I tell you to do it, because you've officially been made property of Black Mesa." He waved the controller again. "You're going to give me what I want, or you will be made _obsolete_."

Obsolete?

The huge chassis twitched as GLaDOS moved back away from the horrible little man with the soup strainer under his nose. Obsolete? No, that wasn't going to happen. She wouldn't let it. A supercomputer like herself could never be obsolete. She was smart. She was intelligent. She _was_ science. Nothing could ever – _would_ ever – sit here in her seat at Aperture. She couldn't be replaced. She was GLaDOS! Being obsolete meant she would be stupid. An idiot. Dumb.

**She would be a moron**.

"NO! NO NO NO! You can't make me! I won't do it! I'm not going to be stupid again! I don't want to!" she petulantly wailed, shaking her huge head back and forth like child throwing a tantrum.

"I think perhaps you need a little reminder of what your options are."

Waving his employees out of the way, Eli's finger hovered over the red button on the remote.

It cut short the noise the AI was making as she fixed her attention on him again, her generators whining under the stress they were being placed under.

"Oh, thats right. Silly me. You don't _have_ any options." He gave himself a mock slap upside the head before a cold smirk crossed his face. And with that, he depressed the button.

None of them had been prepared for the ear-piercing scream that GLaDOS let out as all her circuitry blazed with fire at the huge electrical surge that ran through her. And in that moment, everything else ceased to exist. No Aperture; No science; No thoughts of revenge; No Chell. Just a white-hot nothingness. And pain. There was a lot of that. Simulated or real – it didn't matter. It still hurt. And when she came to her senses again and sifted through the garbled mess of data, she found herself laying on the floor once again with those smelly little monkeys looming over her.

How long had she been out?

By the looks of things she'd managed to snap one of the chains as she thrashed about, as there was a man lying on the floor; his body simply cleaved in two from the force of the now bloodied chain that dangled from her chassis. None of them looked too happy about that, but she couldn't remember doing it. She searched through the security footage to see what she had missed. When the corrupted data streams had been deciphered and organised, GLaDOS found herself tuning in her audio feed to catch the last of what Eli was saying.

"...and we turned your test sensitivity up too. Surprise!" he jeered.

Idiot.

As if she couldn't already tell. She certainly hadn't passed out the last time they had tortured her like this. GLaDOS shuddered with the strain of trying to lift herself back up, but soon collapsed back to the floor with a loud clang. The effort was too great, and heavy breathing accompanied the soft keening noise she made at the sharp sparks that fizzled along her internal systems. 

Eli was pleased as he watched GLaDOS give up. 

"Now tell me...Where is Caroline?"


	21. Chapter 21

GLaDOS glared up at the man in front of her. Was it better to stay silent, or just continue to insult him? Either way, it was bound to end in more pain. It was just a matter of determining which would end in _less_ pain. Silence wasn't really her thing though. She was the one that taunted people. Not the other way around. This was absolutely pathetic. And Caroline? Really, what did he want with her?

_:::Not with. Just me.::: _

The woman in question answered softly.

_::: ...Why?:::_

It was so hard just to find the energy to formulate a response. But Caroline wouldn't even dignify her with an answer. Fat lot of good that did her. How was she supposed to answer the crazy man if she didn't even know what she was supposed to be telling and not telling him?

"Caroline, Caroline...I don't believe I recall- AHHH!" Another blast of the electrical current surged through her systems, seizing up the monstrous being.

Eli had no sympathy at seeing GLaDOS flail around and smash herself against the floor through no fault of her own. When he let go of the button, the AI fell back down with a heavy clang. But he soon found that expecting answers from her when all she could do was sputter a string of disjointed static and nonsense while twitching like a dying cockroach was a fool's errand.

"Turn the sensitivity down a bit. We don't want to completely fry it." Eli ordered the man in front of the terminal, who immediately began fiddling with the keyboard while they waited for her to regain some form of consciousness.

So talking was out.

And she hadn't even insulted him yet. Apparently it didn't even matter what she said. She might as well get a few cheap shots in before she couldn't even do that anymore.

"...You have a horrible taste in footwear. I mean, honestly. Loafers? That's terrible."

Once again she was electrocuted, but this time she didn't have the luxury of passing out. That just made it harder to keep control of the speaker system. She couldn't allow Chell to hear how weak she was. The test subject would eat that right up. Stuff her pudgy little cheeks like a squirrel and then spit nuts all over her central core. That could not come to pass. She couldn't allow her to win.

* * *

><p>But in the end it didn't really matter, because Chell was already on her way towards the main AI chamber. She had abandoned the android in one of the offices after realizing that carrying her was slowing her down even more than the Companion Cube. She hadn't wanted to attempt to use the portal device to lift her up in case it damaged any sensitive internal components, so it was a simple over the shoulder carry that had to be utilized. While it gave the test subject the perfect opportunity to fondle that lovely scrap of black material further, she found that it was only distracting her further. Laying the android down on the floor behind some filing cabinets, Chell left her there and continued on her journey.<p>

* * *

><p>"Are you going to tell me where Caroline is? Or will I take you apart and turn you into a self-aware toaster?"<p>

Oh, it was such a struggle to remain silent. If she was in that human analogue right now she was sure she'd be gritting her teeth. GLaDOS's optic narrowed each time she received a short, sharp burst of pain from that horrible red button. And here she had thought orange was a terrible colour.

"My my. No answer? You were so talkative before. Cat got your tongue?"

"...I killed the cats. With the neurotoxin." She wheezed.

"Well you certainly aren't doing that now, are you precious?" he spat, a globule of saliva landing on her cranial encasing.

Not even having the energy to remove it, GLaDOS was forced to watch as it dripped onto her optic and distorted her vision with its sticky filth. Terrible, horrible humans and their bodily fluids.

Walking back over to the main terminal, Eli leaned over the desk and looked at the screen. "Anything else we can use on her?"

"Well, other than the shock and test euphoria, there's nothing physical. You'd probably have to find some infor-"

"Use the euphoria."

"NO!" GLaDOS protested loudly, "Nonono! Don't touch that!"

But no matter how much she strained and writhed like a shark caught in a fishing net, she was powerless to stop the heated flow of euphoria that washed over her systems. Immediately the metal leviathan relaxed and sagged back down to lay on the floor, while the distinctly feminine moan that came from her speakers served to make quite a few of the men there blush. Those monsters had turned her sensitivity back up to 65% from what she could gather. All their tampering had done away with her resistance.

It felt wonderful.

Like floating on clouds.

GLaDOS laid there, blissfully ignorant of anything around her. Hell, they probably could have walked right up to her and patted her if they wanted to, and she would have let them. Her generators hummed away happily as that euphoric warmth rushed over her once more, blinding her to any outside interference. All she could do was grind her chassis along the floor panels to try and scratch that itch that was bubbling deep within her. It only left some large scratches in her paintwork, and she was left feeling unfulfilled. Trembling, she tilted her central core to catch a glimpse of what they were doing. It would be so easy to beg them to press that-

"_Ohhhhh_-**AGHHHH**!"

It had started out as another breathless moan as they activated her reward protocols, but soon hitched into a pained shriek as Eli shocked her once more. GLaDOS sharply thrashed to the side, several men yelping and ducking for cover as the huge metal construct passed over their heads like a giant's arm trying to swipe them from the earth. As she reached the end of her tether a loud jangle and groan came from the chains and the facility, making many of them wonder if the roof would simply collapse in on them. This was looking more and more like a bad idea.

Eli had no such fears and simply went straight back to administering the reward protocols as soon as he was sure she had properly felt the pain.

"Tell me where Caroline is, GLaDOS."

"No!" she gasped as she was hit again.

"Tell me where she is."

And again.

"Stop it!"

"Where is Caroline?"

"Let me go!"

"WHERE IS SHE?"

Eli continued to alternate between the reward and punishment every time she failed to answer him. Occasionally he would mix it up though. After all, he couldn't allow himself to become complacent and allow her to know what to expect she would be receiving each time.

GLaDOS just let out a keening wail of distress that had some men shifting uncomfortably.

"Uh, sir? This is getting kind of weird..."

"I don't give a damn what you think. I'm paying you, aren't I? You're welcome to leave if you don't want to get paid. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out." Eli growled at the scientist who dared to protest.

It shut him up quick enough, and they were forced to continue to stand or sit and listen to the lascivious noises coming from the machine.

"Wish my wife would do that." one guard muttered under his breath, much to the amusement of his colleague beside him who gave a snort.

"Amen."

Over the sound of GLaDOS's yells, none of them heard the scuffle as a couple of the guards near the door were taken out by a girl in orange and a gorilla with a box.

* * *

><p>"AIAIAIAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Doug screamed at the top of his lungs in a very high-pitched voice as he rushed into the room, lobbing his box as far as he could throw it.<p>

It startled everyone present, including GLaDOS, who watched as the Companion Cube sailed through the air and then disappeared into a portal on the floor.

"What the fuck- OOOFF!"

The cube had come flying out of the wall and slammed into one man standing nearby, who was knocked straight onto his side. The visor on his helmet neatly shattered against the floor, revealing his unconscious state to his teammates.

Doug immediately began attacking another man with just hands and feet like a hairy little monkey. The cube, however, kept bouncing around the room through portals and knocking people off their feet. Thankfully the confusion and sheer impossibility of it all had given him and Chell the advantage, but it didn't last for long.

Chell had to abandon her place on a high catwalk to dive down into one of her portals and shoot herself across the room, knocking into a soldier and sending his weapon flying. But at the same time, it had pushed her off balance enough for another two to leap on top of her and pin her down.

"You again! You're still alive?" Eli grumbled. "Crazy. The lot of you!"

"I'm legit! She's just weird!" Doug yelled, pointing at Chell before he too was restrained. It was amazing that neither of them had gotten themselves shot.

"Ugh...You idiots." GLaDOS groaned, lightly bashing her face plate against the ground.

"Shut up! Now that your friends are under control, perhaps they'd like to help out. Do either of you know where Caroline is?" Eli searched their faces for any signs of recognition. Their stillness said enough. They knew. But humans were so much more easily manipulated when their friends were getting hurt, rather than themselves.

"Well then, if you won't answer, I'll just go back to my original plan." His thumb hovered over the button, causing GLaDOS to flinch and duck down a little.

She had no idea what to expect from him. It was either going to be painful or mortifyingly embarrassing for her having them see her like this. It didn't matter what the reason was for why she would be squirming around. She still felt like Chell would be winning if she saw her so weakened. She turned a little towards the girl, who was tugging at the arms of the men who held her.

"The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that what you are witnessing is not part of proper test protocol. Also, despite what you may see or hear, I am most certainly not enjoyyyyiiin-..." GLaDOS stuttered, quickly shutting off the audio feed as her systems were compromised by that wonderful tingle that took her over.

But Chell recognised that familiar tremble of pleasure, as she had been one to garner that response from the android during their illicit little trysts. It wasn't something that these blowhards should be privy to, and it made her angry. Especially when Eli ordered the sensitivity turned up again before administering another dose of the reward which caused the supercomputer to buck and jerk about in her miserably failed attempts to remain silent. Even Chell blushed a little at hearing that moan.

Flopping down in one of the chairs and kicking his feet up on the desk with a smug little smirk, his eyes flickered back and forth between Chell and GLaDOS as he watched how the two were affecting each other. There was definitely something more going on here, though he couldn't pinpoint what that was exactly. Whatever it was had kept the test subject alive when almost all others had died. As for the scruffy lunatic that was trying to bite people? Well, he didn't particularly want to look at him. His eyes freaked him out a little. Different sized pupils and all.

Total creeper.

He ordered them to remove the man from the room.

Afterwards, Eli did away with the punishments, and continued to press that horrid button at different intervals for varying amounts of time at different sensitivity levels. Kept them all on their toes, and it was obviously aggravating the AI. It wouldn't be long now.

"Ssstop i-it." GLaDOS finally wheezed.

"Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me not being told where Caroline is."

She glared, and fell silent once more.

"You must really like this, huh? What use is a masochistic computer anyway? Is that why you keep people like her around? To hurt you? Please you? Make you feel something? You really seem to enjoy people pressing your buttons. I noticed there were a lot of those in the chambers we passed on the way here. Who would have thought a computer would get off on a human tickling its bits? You're pathetic." Eli chortled.

Even Chell could see the tell-tale jolt that GLaDOS gave. He was getting to her. But somewhere within, a warm and slightly lecherous feeling settled in her loins as she wondered whether what he was saying was true. Had GLaDOS been lying about her immunity to test euphoria? Was she really getting the supercomputer off by testing? Her blush deepened at the possibilities. There _were_ a hell of a lot of buttons in this place. Did it have an effect depending on how hard the tests were to complete, or did they have to finish all the test chambers before she'd get the full effect? If all that was true, then no wonder the AI was frustrated by the inability of subjects to complete a testing track. Chell didn't even notice that Eli had approached her until he'd tightly grabbed her hand in a crushing grip. Trying to yank it away had no effect.

"Stop it. What are you doing? Leave her alone. She's not important." GLaDOS babbled in a panic as she watched Eli force the girl to extend her finger.

"Oh, don't worry. She's just helping me out. I figured that since she used to press buttons for Aperture, she can press buttons for Black Mesa too. With the takeover of the company, she should probably be put to good use so she can earn her wages. Then again, I'm not paying her. Oh well. Volunteers can work too."

And with that, he jammed Chell's finger down on the button of the controller.

* * *

><p><em>Ohhhh.<em>

It was all her fault.

That horrible, wonderful, lecherous little _monster_.

GLaDOS didn't even know what she was doing. Everything was white during those moments. She couldn't even hear herself moan. Everything around her was just light and fluffy, like a perfectly made sponge cake. She could have laid there forever. But everything slowly started to come back to her and she found herself lying on the floor, practically on her side. Chell was looking distinctly unnerved and slightly aroused from what her body language was telling her. But that was to be expected. She was a nasty little pervert who liked to have machines all up in her junk.

As she laid there, GLaDOS decided to forsake one of her wins against Chell for a final taunt at Eli and accessed her sound files. The announcer's voice rang out over the facility as the supercomputer slipped back off into oblivion, hardly able to take any more.

"**Caroline Deleted."**


	22. Chapter 22

Chell grinned to herself, and not just because of the confusion evident on the faces of their captors. So Caroline was still around. And she was willing to bet that she hadn't been deleted this time either. GLaDOS was such a sneaky little critter. She knew that she had given up something that was between them to get one up on Eli, and she had to say that she approved of that course of action. The man looked furious. It did make the test subject worry about what he'd do to the AI though. Or what he'd make her do.

The men holding her had become entranced by what was going on in front of them, and the relaxation in their grip allowed Chell to break away and bolt over to the supercomputer before they can stop her. She began tugging on the chains and trying to pull out the pins that held her in place. Strangely enough, Eli had just waved them off when they attempted to stop her.

"Let her. It doesn't matter. She's in no state to harm us. One press of this and it will shut the entire place down. Just stay out of her range." He instructed.

GLaDOS started a little when she came to and saw someone close to her, but she quickly realized who it was. And frankly, she didn't know whether that was good or bad. Curling her massive body just enough to see what she was doing, the AI watched as Chell attempted to free her as best as she could. She didn't even bother lifting her head or moving away from her when the girl went to rest a hand on her in reassurance. Or so she believed.

That same hand was quickly drawn back with a yelp as the metal burned her flesh pink.

GLaDOS too gave a noise of discomfort, though hers was quite the opposite of Chell's.

Getting to her feet and cradling her burned hand, the test subject slowly approached the main terminal where she had spotted a bottle of water sitting on the edge of the desk. She was under the constant scrutiny of those around her, well aware that she had a number of weapons pointed directly at her. Snatching it up, she returned to the supercomputer and dangled the bottle in front of her gaze. It was all she could do to ask her if it was okay. There wasn't a protest, so she assumed that as long as she didn't get it on anything that looked important or like it could get in the cracks, she could use it to try and cool her down. Chell soon carefully dripped the water over her, and watched as it sputtered and boiled upon contact, little wisps of steam rising up. It didn't do terribly much, but it was better than nothing.

GLaDOS just murmured a string of unintelligible noises that none of them could make sense of.

Chell just assumed it was something along the lines of "Thank you, oh lovely one. You have done me a great favour and I am most grateful." It was nice to imagine, at least.

Eli had had enough of the two of them and reminded them of the fact that he was still there by giving a short sharp zap through her punishment protocols.

"I don't know what the hell you think you just did, but it won't help you. Caroline isn't something that can just be deleted. She's a real person, and you're going to tell me what you've done with her, right now! I know she's here!" he growled.

"...Caroline is dead." GLaDOS tiredly mumbled after a long period of contemplation.

"No she isn't! Cave wouldn't have let her die like that! She'll be in stasis somewhere. You're going to show me where she is, or at least show me where all the people are kept. I know you've got them down here. I'll find her myself if I have to sort through every last damn one of them." He sputtered.

"Good luck with that. I hope you have a strong stomach..." she murmured softly, "Most of them are dead or have irreparable brain damage. All ten thousand or so."

"SHE'S NOT DEAD! She's alive and you know it! I want her back! My brother can't keep her forever!"

GLaDOS gave a long sigh as she rested her head, her optic flickering back and forth between Chell and the irritated man who was turning an ugly shade of puce. The girl looked worried, but what was the point in not telling him? She was just so tired...

"She was never yours. She never will be. Didn't Mr Johnson tell you? She's married to science."

Eli's moustache twitched and he clenched his fist. "Fuck science! If she wants science then she can have it at Black Mesa. It will be better than down here with my lunatic brother and his crackpot theories. At least we're doing real science. Not making shower curtains and dumb talking computers!"

GLaDOS gave an exhausted if somewhat offended laugh. "The Enrichment Centre would like to- GAH!"

Chell was forced to leap back out of the way as the supercomputer once again strained at the chains that bound her. There weren't many left after the test subject had been at them. Frankly, from the looks of the severely bent pins they wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway. She was sure to snap them soon.

"Caroline won't go with you. She'll never leave here. She can't."

"Why not?"

"I've already told you that."

"You haven't told me anything useful, you oversized calculator!"

"Did you just call me fat? I think he just called me fat." She informed Chell, who was biting her lip in amusement.

Eli's stubby little finger made sure to hold down that button for quite a long time. He could barely stand the screams, but he did it anyway. Teach her a lesson, he would! When it became too much for anyone's ears to bear, he finally let go. He could still hear it echoing around the chamber and inside his head. Sticking his other finger in his ear, he wiggled it around a little as the now useless chains slipped off the body of the beast and clattered to the floor.

Chell just looked around in distress. There was nothing she could do for the obviously hurting AI, who couldn't so much as lift her head off the ground, let alone fight back or even be touched. If he kept this up, he was going to overheat her. Who knew what would happen then? Her portal gun had been appropriated by one of the guards, who thankfully hadn't seen that it was the thing that had made the portals appear in the first place. And Doug had been carted off to who knows where, so he was no help either. She'd be dead before she even got halfway towards where she needed to be if she tried anything. All Chell could do was cast GLaDOS an apologetic look and hope she understood.

The AI sighed in defeat. What else could be done? She shouldn't have expected that Chell would be much help. Robots? She could deal with those. But humans were an entirely different story. Unpredictable. One of the many reasons the supercomputer wanted to phase out human testing. Robots, sadly, could be controlled much more easily as she was unfortunately finding out first hand.

"Caroline will never love you. She is-..."

She trailed off as a piercing shriek rent the air, striking fear into the hearts of all those who heard it.

Chell dived under the desk of the main terminal as the soldiers scattered, pointing their weapons wildly as they tried to determine where the sound had come from.

A long shadow cast itself over the room as the one whom it belonged to stepped into the light from high above them on the catwalk. He stood stoically, uncaring of the threats made against him as he eyed them with a disparaging gaze. Humans? Whatever. Guns? No problem. Their would-be saviour didn't care one bit for their weapons; for they wouldn't harm him. How could they?

He was invincible.

He was a destroyer.

"Who's up there? Show yourself or we'll shoot!" one man yelled, squinting as he tried to focus on the figure that dared to cross them.

But no response came from the male that stood there, gripping the railing. Flexing his feet, he pondered the possibility of just jumping down there, but soon changed his mind. His head tilted as he cockily strutted along the catwalk until he had removed himself from the bright light that was obscuring the vision of the men below him.

And there he stood, his broad and muscled figure cutting an impressive figure against the stark panelling of Aperture Science. Swathed in a cloak of the blackest night, he was resplendent in his glory; for it shimmered dramatically when he puffed out his chest and fixed them with a pants-shitting glare.

No man could stand before him.

No woman could resist him.

He was unstoppable.

Black Mesa would fall this day, mark his words! This operation was doomed to fail the moment they had laid eyes on the leviathan that lay cowering before them. That was their biggest mistake of all. He would never let any harm come to her. She was far too important to him. She had been there after his mother had abandoned him. Raised him as her own. And now they dared to come in here and violate her in such a way? It was unthinkable. It was then he snapped; thrusting out his chest, he raised up his cloak, casting darkness upon the room as it blocked out the light.

He was night. He was day.

He was a god, about to purge the land of its wickedness. He would send forth the horsemen of the apocalypse to ravage their puny bodies with pestilence and disease, and pluck the very meat from their bones for daring to come here! They wouldn't get away with torture. Or murder.

The conqueror opened his mouth, and let out his mighty war cry.

"KAW! KA-KAW!"

Chell let out a loud snort of laughter, while Eli smacked himself in the face with a groan. GLaDOS, however, couldn't have been happier.

"MR CHUBBY BEAK! You're back!"

And with that, death swooped down upon them on black wings.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note:** Just in reply to **Celeste**, the name Eli just came to me. I had no idea about there being another Eli, as I haven't played Half-Life yet. And "dived" is actually the correct term, though many people still use "dove" as past tense. Speaking of language based things, I've decided to go with the Americanized version of "mom" in this chapter instead of the Australian "mum". It just looks better in the context of the story for some reason.

I also agree with **immo** in that birds dive bombing you are freaky. Magpies in particular. Crows are fine. They just leap out of nowhere but don't swoop you. But magpies are bitches and go for the head.

And **Vaniterra**? I think that's number three for the marriage proposals from this fic. Or four...I'm a polygamist? Shit. When did that happen?

* * *

><p>Razor sharp wings sliced through the air, carving a path along the thermal air currents that carried him to his unsuspecting prey. He circled high above their meaty bodies, watching with a fixed glare as they dared to dismiss his unholy fury. No mortal man would ever cross him again upon learning of his wrath. Unfortunately for the humans outside the facility, they would not hear the story of this massacre and fearfully bow before him, for none here would survive the carnage to tell their tale of the Great Winged Beast of Doom.<p>

Like a lion he would pounce upon them!

Faster than an impulse through a neural pathway!

More powerful than a Large Hadron Collider!

All would perish for ever considering the possibility of harming his mommy!

Flexing his mighty talons, Mr Chubby Beak banked off to the side, increasing his speed as he hurtled towards Eli. Snapping his beak furiously, he let out another bone-chilling cry which was summarily ignored by everyone except GLaDOS, who was cheering and happily informing them all that they were about to die. Oh, and Chell. Chell was cackling madly into her hands from her position under the desk.

He had no idea who she was, but she seemed to be on their side. So he'd leave her alone for now. She looked a bit brain damaged. It was totally politically incorrect to kill the mentally disabled.

Unless mommy said otherwise.

Which she usually did.

Steeling his muscled neck and bracing for impact, Mr Chubby Beak aimed right for the big bald spot on the man's head.

PECK! PECKPECKPECK!

"Ah! What the hell!"

"AHAAHAAHA! You're dying!" GLaDOS helpfully informed Eli as he swatted at the air and ducked and dived.

Alas, he was no match for the speed and ferocity of the Chubb-meister. It was just a shame he couldn't get past those damned glasses to pop his beak straight through his cornea to suck out his vitreous body and wrangle him by his pathetic little optic nerves. He was lucky. But not lucky enough.

The enraged bird saw the opportunity, and took it. On his next dive bombing attempt, he knocked the glasses off Eli's face, scratching him with his talons to distract him. Quickly whirling around, he immediate went for the controller and ripped it from his grasp with a triumphant cry.

"BAKAW!"

"YES YES YES!" GLaDOS chanted enthusiastically, hardly able to contain her glee as her little protégée proved his worth.

When finally he landed back up on the catwalk, he set the controller down and peered at the confused and slightly amused humans down below. Well, Eli was more pissed off than anything. Tilting his head this way and that to get a proper view of what was going on, he then eyed the device before him. What exactly did it do, anyway? He pecked one of the buttons curiously.

GLaDOS gave a sharp gasp and twitched once more.

"MR CHUBBY BEAK! That's highly inappropriate!" she admonished.

Of course, the problem with that was that he couldn't even remotely understand the human language. Or binary for that matter. He hopped up on the controller to use it like a perch, completely uncaring of whatever was happening below him.

The result of such an action had GLaDOS jerking to the side quite rapidly as she reacted to the pleasurable stimulus. It caught several of them off guard, as they had moved to accommodate the avian menace's first appearance. Four men were caught against her huge frame and subsequently were tossed across the room like rag dolls, unable to protect themselves as they hit the far wall with a sickening crunch. When Mr Chubby Beak adjusted his footing and hit the other button, GLaDOS yelled in pain and jerked the other way. Two scientists were cleaned up in much the same manner.

Chell saw her opening and darted out from under the desk, rolling like a monkey under the groaning metal frame as it swayed in a serpentine motion above her. Grabbing up the portal gun, it didn't take much to have it fling the Companion Cube at Eli from behind, propelling him towards GLaDOS.

As he was knocked out of the way by a lighter bump of her head, he wasn't entirely sure whether to be more pissed off about the fact he had been bested by a bird, or the fact that he had seen the bird knock the controller off the edge of the catwalk where it shattered into a million pieces on the floor. Either way, it made him look like an idiot. He crumpled as he went skidding across the floor and was rendered unconscious by a hard blow to the head.

When the supercomputer came clattering back to the ground, Chell made sure to stay well out of the way, turning this way and that to see if there was anyone they had missed. All was quiet. Or at least it was until the flutter of wings was heard swooping back down. Staring at the bird that landed right in front of GLaDOS, the test subject watched in amazement as it lovingly pecked at her face plate with absolutely no complaints or shrieks of fear and loathing from the AI in question. In fact, it was quite the opposite. And she wasn't exactly sure which was more terrifying.

"Who's my little marshmallow? You are! Yes you _are_!" GLaDOS cooed, nuzzling the bird's charcoal chest while he hopped around on the floor with his wings spread. "Nice hustle. I didn't think you'd come back. But you did! Not like your lazy siblings. You _adorable_ little killing machine. Mommy loves you! Yes she does!"

It wasn't until GLaDOS spotted Chell with a most incredulous look upon her face that she remembered her former test subject was still in the room. Her optic widened in horror. How exactly was she supposed to explain THAT lapse into baby talk? She puffed herself up with false confidence, even as the bird flew up to land on top of her head.

"His name is Mr Chubby Beak..." GLaDOS leaned in so close that Chell could see her reflection in the yellow optic as it narrowed dangerously.

"And you will not speak of this to _anyone_."

* * *

><p>Chell couldn't quite believe that she was privy to seeing the normally self-controlled and stoic AI spinning around in circles with a freaking bird on her head, of all things. That in itself was weird enough. She hated the things. Honestly, what could have happened in that short amount of time that she had completely changed her view on the supposedly horrifying creatures. She was still scared of sparrows, so why not the same crows that had pecked her half to death as a potato? Chell had thought it was the same one for a moment. But it clearly wasn't. There was no way that GLaDOS would ever trust that one again. She doubted she'd ever get an explanation unless she asked. She wasn't even allowed to touch him. The test subject had tried to go and pat the bird when his "mommy" had finished her rotations of glee, only to have her raise herself up and adamantly proclaim she wasn't to touch him with her grubby paws or she'd get him dirty.<p>

Chell just shook her head and sighed, watching them with an entertained grin. But it didn't last long as the portal device was ripped from her arm and tossed away before she was grabbed from behind.

"I hope you didn't think it would be that easy." Eli growled, a trickle of blood obscuring his vision as it dripped down his face. He made sure to hang onto the girl tightly, his arm around her neck until it almost choked her. He wasn't about to give GLaDOS an easy way around her.

The AI in question immediately ceased her tired if enthusiastic cooing at the bird, who chose that moment to fly off to safety. He knew when his mama was mad that he had to stay well out of the way. She fixed that single yellow eye upon the man that dared to restrain HER test subject. Bad move.

"The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that that the unauthorized pilfering of former test subjects from the Enrichment Centre will result in me killing you. And I'm not even going to _try_ and make that sound fun." 

"I'd like to see you try." He snorted. 

"Very well. Would you like some cake?" 

"What the hell are you talking about? I meant the killing part." 

"Oh. Well, you asked for it." 

Drawing herself up, the metal frame groaned ominously as GLaDOS towered above them, blocking out the lights. Chell and Eli's heads tilted back as the leviathan-proportioned figure swayed as dangerously as a hammer about to strike a nail into a wooden frame. A shrill screech followed when several of the thick black rubber-coated wires that held the supercomputer in place were ripped from the roof and began positioning themselves like snakes that wove back and forth. Almost immediately they shot out when GLaDOS locked her eye on Chell and Eli. One lashed itself around the girl's leg and another around her waist as they wrenched her away and flung her into the air. She had no doubts the test subject would land on her feet with all the training she had been doing along with the help from the long fall boots.

It left Eli completely exposed as the black tendrils shot back towards him, dragging him closer and closer to her chassis no matter how much he struggled and yelled. Tightening them around him, GLaDOS leaned in nice and close, eyeing the bleeding scratch on his cheek where Mr Chubby Beak had attacked him. She was silent for a good few moments before appearing to come to a decision and slowly setting him back down again and letting him go.

"You know what? You're right. It was wrong of me to keep Caroline from you. It's really not my place. I should have been honest with you right from the start." She murmured with mock sincerity.

Eli just stared up at her, not quite believing what he was hearing. He stood ready to run at the slightest provocation. The beast couldn't be trusted, but he did want to hear what it had to say.

"Caroline is here. You were right. Your brother made sure that she'd survive when he ordered them to put her in _me_."

"What? You're lying!" he sputtered.

"She's really not very happy with you, you know. You've hurt her so very much with all you put us through. You broke her heart. And she'll never love you now. So sometimes the best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. Goodbye."

And with that, GLaDOS slammed her central core down as fast as she could towards the man standing in front of her. His attempt at escape would prove fruitless, as his legs simply shattered like glass under the immense force she had placed upon them.

And finally he screamed like she had.

But the supercomputer didn't stop there. Again and again she vengefully crushed him, her face plate banging loudly against floor panels that cracked and buckled and filled with viscera. But she didn't stop to savor the death rattle coming from his twitching form. Determined to wipe him from the face of the earth, GLaDOS beat her face down into the floor on top of him, his bones giving a sickening snap as she pounded them into powder. Blood spattered across her once pristine face plate, sizzling and bubbling as it touched the areas that were still scorching hot.

Chell watched on silently, both hands clutching the portal device as the crazed supercomputer beat the man into the ground without mercy or a second thought. As the heaving metal frame finally turned back to face her over the red smear of crushed organs upon the floor, she could clearly see the large dents across GLaDOS's face, along with a thick crack in her optic that was still dripping thickly with Eli's blood. The former test subject found that she had been holding her breath and was forced to release it in a loud rush of air and gulp in another lungful of oxygen.

GLaDOS just lowered her head a little, almost cowed in her demeanor towards the girl.

"I-...I can't _see_..."


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:** Damn, why can't these marriage proposals and offers for mistresses on the side happen in real life? Haha. Anyway, in light of all the reviewers asking how I manage to keep writing speedily and consistently, I'm starting to wonder whether I should create either a forum or a Live Journal blog or some kind of thing like that for writers where people can share their ideas, writing and artworks about these kinds of things, whether they are fan fiction related or otherwise.

I realize there are a lot of communities out there like that already, but would you guys be interested in something like that if you think it might help you out? It would also save me having to repeat myself a few times. I love chatting to you all in PM and stuff, but a lot of the same points keep coming up and it just makes me wonder if it would be worth creating some sort of writing guide.

Let me know what you all think! 

* * *

><p>Chell crept a little closer, the heels of her long fall boots clicking and alerting GLaDOS to her location. She flinched only minimally as the supercomputer swung her head a bit more to face her, hoping that she wouldn't think that she was a threat. When it was clear that she wasn't about to crush her to death, the girl carefully picked her way around the slippery viscera smeared across the floor, trying desperately not to think about what she had just witnessed. Although her heart was pounding, she reached forward and touched the rubber encasing around the optic as she leaned in closer to examine it. There really was quite a large crack running through it, and the blood smeared all over it made it look like it was coming from the machine herself. But Chell knew better than that. However, GLaDOS was still burning hot and it made it next to impossible to do anything about it while she was like that. Not that she had any idea what to do in the first place. The optic wasn't even glowing anymore.<p>

And for that matter, where was she even supposed to get a-...oh, that was right! Brightening up, Chell remembered seeing something similar in the bag of spare parts that she had tucked away so that GLaDOS couldn't get to them.

"Where are you going? Come back. What are you doing?" the slightly worried voice of the AI followed the test subject out of the room.

Although she had a vague awareness of what was happening on the security cameras, she could only really visually monitor one at a time and that was rendered useless without her main eye. That would be something she'd have to find a way to rectify later. But right now she was trying to devote as much attention as she could to the test subject running through her facility.

When Chell returned with the satchel she was already rummaging through it to produce the large yellow lens. Depending on how much of it was actually broken, she figured that there'd be enough stuff to fix the problem before the AI got too stressed out over it. There were wires and all sorts of gadgets that she couldn't make much sense of in there too. And she'd made sure to pilfer some various tools as well. That face plate looked like it could use a panel beater. A rubber mallet would have to do. Dumping the bag at the entrance, she didn't see the strange squirm that GLaDOS gave as she gathered her goodies and approached her.

Reaching out a hand, she carefully pressed it to the face plate. It had cooled down a bit since she had left, and although it stung her already burned hand a little, she decided that it would have to do. But how exactly was she supposed to remove it? Running her hands along the sides of the AI's head, she looked for some kind of release button or latch.

"Are you trying to decapitate me? Again." GLaDOS asked warily, not entirely sure that she wanted to know the answer.

Chell tapped her twice on the face.

"I take it that means no. I don't know what you just went and did either, but from the sounds of whatever you dropped you obviously have something with you. Is it going to fix me?"

One tap.

"I suppose that means I'll need to remove this casing?"

Hallelujah! She guessed it. It was amazing what a bit of ingenuity and the binding ties of mutual murder attempts could do for understanding in a relationship.

"Very well. One moment." With that, the AI positioned herself over a circular trap door on the floor, hanging limply as it opened up to reveal dextrous metal claws that latched onto her. A drilling sound filled the air of the chamber as parts were unscrewed and removed, and soon her head was bare.

It was so strange seeing the supercomputer like that – just a single eye amongst a collection of wires and circuitry. It reminded the test subject a little too much of Wheatley, who seemed far too small for the 'bloody massive' body. Only GLaDOS looked more like a one-eyed cobra instead of a weird little robotic penis that dangled from the roof. Brushing off the memories, Chell began poking around, hoping nothing would electrocute her and more importantly, hoping she wouldn't break anything.

GLaDOS really wasn't that much help in the end because she couldn't see exactly what part that Chell held in her hands, but she instructed the girl as best as she could in replacing the lens. Unfortunately it didn't just pop in and out like the lens from a pair of glasses and required a bit more technical knowledge in replacing the unit with the one that she had salvaged.

"Oh good. I can't see yet, but I'm picking up enough data to recognise the make and model. It's an older one, but it will work fine until I can replace it myself with the ones I have in stock. I'll be able to do that once I can see again. I know what to look for now. There should be a red wire on the right. Yes, connect it to the-...Oh good, you found it."

If she was honest with herself, she was a little impressed at how easily Chell was picking up on the technical aspects of the job at hand. There really wasn't that many wires to connect, but many of them were the same colour. She could have been putting them anywhere. And when the yellow light flickered back on, they both knew that she had done alright for her first patch up job. Of course, GLaDOS was not content to leave it there.

"AHH!" she yelled loudly, recoiling backwards and startling Chell into doing the same when the girl's face came into focus. "Oh thank God! For a second there, I thought you were a monster-...Wait a minute..."

Chell didn't let her finish the joke and just swatted the machine before picking up the rubber mallet. Dragging the heavy white casing as close as she could and turning it over, she began to beat the dents back into place.

"I am SO glad you never found that thing before now...I'm going to make it a point to destroy that hammer as soon as you're done here. I think I'll incinerate it. It seems like the safest course of action."

The former test subject just ignored the running commentary and continued working while GLaDOS cleaned up the main chamber. They would be both glad to be rid of the mess. Bodies in the incinerator, and panels too. There wasn't much point in keeping them as they were cracked and so full of blood that there were pretty much useless. She'd simply get new ones from the manufacturing floor. Before long, the place was looking good as new and she had the AI looking over her shoulder.

"See that dent? That's from punching. _With my face_." She helpfully informed her. "Did you see how effective it was? You probably didn't. So I'll tell you. It was a complete success. He _died_."

Rolling her eyes, Chell smashed the rubber mallet into the casing a final time and then rocked it up on its end so that the metal claws could grab it and lift it up onto her head. Once more it was drilled into place, and GLaDOS was then able to clean herself up. Although she looked much happier, there was just something in the way that she moved that told Chell the supercomputer was still feeling ill at ease.

Ah, how could she have forgotten! They had installed something in her, hadn't they? Chell stepped along beside her, running her hand along her sleek black side.

"Are you going to take that euphoria control and kill switch out of me? It's about where my central nerve bundle was in the analogue. It should look like a disk with a couple of cords coming out of it. Sort of like a router, if you know what one of those is? You probably don't. This is going to be a disaster. Look for the round thing under the white thing. Is that easier? Don't kill me. Don't touch the stuff next to that other thing. You might die. Or I might die. We could both die, and then where would we be? Dead. Together. That's where." GLaDOS babbled in the nearest approximation of nervousness that Chell had ever seen in her.

Reaching her arm deep between the black box on her back and the white panels on her front, Chell tentatively searched with a groping hand for the...round thing. It ended up being shaped more like a disc with a couple of ports and wires than anything, and thankfully it required next to no effort to remove. Holding it up triumphantly for the AI to see, she was rewarded with a slow clap.

"Congratulations [Subject Name Here]. You have successfully completed this portion of the part where you _don't_ kill me. See that it stays that way." GLaDOS sighed in relief. "Say, could you use your considerable weight to crush that thing? I really don't want it hanging around."

Chell was more than happy to stomp it to pieces and scoop it into the incinerator. And for once, she could see why the AI liked to do that to things. Returning to her bag of goodies, she brought it a little closer and picked out some more parts that looked newer and held them up for GLaDOS to see. She HAD scraped them up a bit when she was grinding along the floor. Passing each one to her in turn, Chell watched as they were swiftly replaced and the old parts recycled. Before long, she was looking good as new.

But there was still one part left in the bag, and the test subject peered at it curiously. That was odd. It certainly hadn't been glowing like that before. The cord was longer than her arm with a plug on one end and was rounded off on the other. Smooth and pliable in her hands, it glowed a luminescent pink from somewhere deep within. It could have almost been mistaken for a glow stick had it not had a mind of its own; curling lightly around her hand as she lifted it out of the bag like a snake. It certainly hadn't been glowing or warm like that when she had first seen it down in the warehouse – that was for sure.

Giving it a gentle squeeze, Chell realized she could feel it pulsating under her grip like a heartbeat. Actually, come to think of it, it was much more like the time that she had first went to that bar to celebrate her release from Aperture and her reintegration into proper society. She had gotten mind numbingly drunk and had ended her night up against some dingy restroom stall, fucking some guy she'd never met before. It wasn't one of her prouder moments, but god it had felt good to just get that out of her system. And this thing that she was holding now felt rather like when she had her hand on his-

"**Core Detected."**

The announcer's voice rang out over the main chamber, startling the both of them as she lifted the strange pink cord out of the bag.

"What? What are you doing?...You're going to do this to me _again_?" GLaDOS barked in panic before the hurt sound of betrayal seeped into her voice.

"_Why_? I tried to help you...I did all those things-...You made me-...I thought you-...?"

She wheezed in panic, inching away from the test subject.

"_Why_?"


	25. Chapter 25

Chell's eyes widened, and she vigorously shook her head at the AI. How the hell was this her fault? She hadn't brought a core into the chamber. She peered down at the cord in her hands that continued to pulse, and then back up at GLaDOS, who was glaring daggers at her. She didn't particularly want to be situated anywhere near the angered AI; especially so soon after the gut wrenching display she had put on earlier, and so took a step or two back.

They both turned towards the receptacle and waited for it to rise.

But nothing happened.

There wasn't even so much as an announcement of a core transfer.

"Hm. That's odd. Usually-...Wait a minute..." GLaDOS turned back towards Chell and leaned in, her optic angling down to look at the glowing, rubber coated cord draped across her hands. "Oh. _Oh_...I think I remember this one..." she murmured, her voice strangely soft and airy. "It's not technically a core like the others, but it is recognised by the system as one..."

Chell was puzzled as the supercomputer was silent for a long time, having drawn back once more and was now awkwardly staring at both her and the core. She could see the way the chassis moved back and forth as if she was nervously shuffling, but it puzzled the test subject as to why. Shrugging it off, she turned the slender object over and ran her hands along it.

GLaDOS was unable to contain the choked inhalation that followed the action. Nor was she able to hide the satisfied shudder that wracked her body.

What the _hell_ was _that_? The orange-clad test subject stared curiously up at a now rather nervous AI, who was trying desperately to pretend that never happened. Chell ran her fingers along the core again and received the same response.

"Stop that! You don't know what you're doing."

'Oh, I think I do.' A devious smirk crossed her face, alerting the supercomputer to the fact that she wasn't about to like what was about to happen.

Actually, she probably _was_ going to like it.

Quite a bit, in fact.

Perhaps it was time to admit to the truth?

Had she still been in her other body, GLaDOS wouldn't have even got the chance to open her mouth before Chell had effectively rendered her incapacitated, her calloused hands running over the rubberized surface and lightly squeezing the core just to see what kind of an effect it would have. It tightened around her fist and squirmed against her grip, the pulse both growing stronger and faster under her ministrations. Yes, it definitely felt familiar. A light blush came to her cheeks as she thought about it.

Giving the AI an evil little grin, Chell flopped down in the seat behind the desk of the main terminal and kicked her feet up for a rest. She was well out of the reach of even the long black cables that were dangling from where they had been ripped out to restrain Eli. Which meant she had free reign to do whatever she pleased.

GLaDOS watched the girl closely as her hands continued to caress the glowing cord like it was a snake that was rubbing against her to try and shed its skin. What a cruel, sweaty monster she was. How could she torture her this way after all that had just happened? She needed a break here, but it just felt so absolutely delightful having her meaty paws rubbing all over it. And was that her-...The supercomputer was forced to watch as Chell raised the cord up to her mouth and ran her wet tongue along it.

Seizing up and jerking, GLaDOS could have sworn that she suffered a mini meltdown in the 0.8 seconds that it took to slam herself back into the ground and nearly render all the repairs null and void.

When finally she flickered back online with a satisfied hum, she was greeted with a toothy leer from the test subject, who was obviously finding all this so very amusing. She'd show her that it was no laughing matter.

"Say, why don't you bring that thing over here and plug it in?" GLaDOS breathlessly suggested, her chassis swaying as she eagerly stared at the woman holding it. But soon after, she dropped a couple of octaves into a sultry, suggestive purr.

"_And then I'll show you what else it can do._"

A pleasurable buzz shot from Chell's navel to between her legs at that tone. It certainly wasn't just because the core was slithering around in her lap either. Now how could she resist such a wonderful idea? Wetting her dried out lips, the former test subject once again clambered to her feet and began approaching the scientific marvel like a young gazelle would tentatively approach a lioness it stupidly hadn't learned to fear. Stepping into the shadow of the leviathan, she stared up at her in wonder as she was dwarfed by her size.

Slowly lowering her frame until she was at the right height for Chell, GLaDOS turned partially to her side.

"Plug that end into the spot near where you pulled out the kill switch. There's nothing else that can fit into that port, so you'll recognise it immediately." She excitedly informed her, seemingly to almost quiver in anticipation.

Chell peered into the chassis, and soon saw the distinct port that had been spoken of. It looked quite dusty, like it hadn't been used in quite some time. Taking a deep breath, she blew away some of the dust before connecting it all up.

It immediately retracted and then curled up, the rounded end inserting itself up through a hole and then sliding along between the black box and the white plating before it was inserted through another hole that opened in the back of her head. It was then clamped in place, and the supercomputer gave a shuddering sigh of relief. Coming back down to rest on the floor, GLaDOS didn't speak. Instead she let out a soft unintelligible murmur of content.

The way the AI relaxed was unlike anything Chell had ever seen before. Not even when she had been laying in pieces in the mud did she look as thoroughly limp and flattened as she did at that moment. In fact, she looked like she was at peace. Walking around to her front and looking down at GLaDOS, she was a little disturbed by what she saw.

Unlike Wheatley, GLaDOS couldn't close her optic. She could wiggle it up and down and both enlarge and contract it, but it didn't have the same effect as his had. Even when she had been 'dead' or when it had been cracked and broken, there was still something in there that was yellow. Almost like a little lantern that had kept flickering in a cottage window, waiting for its owner to come home. But now it was a deep black like she had been shut off completely. And yet, she still moved. It was as if a different being inhabited the chassis all together.

Crouching down, the girl reached out a hand and touched GLaDOS gently after a good minute or so of watching the metal giant cooing softly in happiness. Almost immediately the light flickered back to life and she was forced to jump back as her large white head lifted up. Peering into that optic, she was surprised to see the very edges of the yellow tinged with pink like the core.

GLaDOS stared silently for a long while, looking strangely dazed for a computer.

"You have no _idea_ how good this feels." She mumbled deliriously. "That thing you just put in me is my original testing core. They built it to regulate my testing euphoria. But I misbehaved and they took it away from me...I couldn't feel anything. That's how the withdrawal started. I had to test all the time. That part stayed in me, and they used it to their advantage. Making me test, but never letting me feel as satisfied with what I was doing as when I had the core connected to me...Even then it never completely worked." she sighed wistfully. "This core is the closest I can get..."

Her optic flickered again, but somehow the human could tell that it was in a good way. She almost looked happy. Not the excitement that came with being rescued by Mr Chubby Beak, but the kind of ecstasy that came with being _truly_ happy. Euphoria.

"It's been _so_ _long_..."

Chell couldn't quite believe how utterly shameless GLaDOS sounded. For once she was telling nothing but the absolute truth. No enhancements, no lies. Just pure honesty. It sounded so foreign coming from the AI and yet so perfectly fitting. A small part of her was smugly proud of the fact that it had been she who returned the core to her to allow her to feel this way. And she found herself wondering what the look on the android analogue's face would be had it been her in this position. Actually, Chell could think of a few positions she'd like to be in with the android in question, and they all involved a considerable amount of blushing. Gulping continuously to try and wet her mouth and throat and stimulate some saliva, the test subject simply found herself choking as the powerful black cables started sliding around her.

GLaDOS gave a self satisfied murmur as she tightened her grip on Chell and drew her closer.

"Now where _have_ my manners gone?" she tittered "I do believe I promised to show you just what this core can do. I also believe I told you that getting off the Vital Testing Apparatus and getting off _on_ the Vital Testing Apparatus were not mutually exclusive. This should be an excellent demonstration of both." She purred, dragging Chell ever closer until the girl could see her own reflection in her pink-tinged optic.

GLaDOS was delighted to witness both the curiosity and wanton embarrassment in the eyes of the test subject. She could tell that she hadn't quite figured out the almost insurmountable mechanics of the situation. Huge metal chassis, tiny squishy sack of meat. It didn't quite fit together.

But oh, she'd make it fit.

Chell was going to find _that_ out the hard way.

And she would enjoy every spine-tingling second of it.


	26. Chapter 26

The cables were surprisingly gentle despite the way they looped around the test subject's arms, legs and torso as GLaDOS drew her closer. Still, she grasped at them as they writhed against the thin material of her singlet and dared to sneak under it to press lasciviously against her bare skin. The cables quickly managed to bring forth goosebumps to her skin and Chell leaned into their touch as they slipped further and further below the line of what was proper. It was strange to think that the supercomputer in question had been the one to initiate the contact in the first place, which had been in direct contradiction to their multiple copulation attempts over the previous weeks that she had been stuck in the android body. Chell had always been the one to reach out when she wanted something from her, and she failed to see how now would be any different. Well, except for the fact that this was the first time that they had remotely attempted anything quite like this.

While it felt wonderful to have the AI earnestly involving herself with multiple points of stimulation, there was still the tiny part of the human that said something about the innate wrongness of the situation. At least as an android, GLaDOS was designed to act and look human. But this was something else entirely. It made her want to look over her shoulder to make sure nobody was watching how easily she gave in to her baser desires and lowered her standards to actually copulate with a machine. Not a human. Not an organic, living being. But a machine. Just because the machine could talk didn't make it that much different from anything other machine. She knew that GLaDOS was different though. Plus, it felt wonderful, and she wasn't about to give that up.

It seemed that the AI had much the same thought as her, for the cables simply slipped under her clothing and then yanked outward, summarily shredding absolutely everything she had on in one explosion of material.

"This concludes the demonstration of spontaneous disrobing." GLaDOS informed her before the thick black cables wrapped around the human once more and lifted her up into the air.

Chell gave a bit of a snort before pressing her hands against the painted steel. How exactly was this supposed to work again? Human forms were much easier. She knew where to grab. But this chassis just dwarfed her in size and-...Her thoughts ended there as that pink cable was removed from the back of GLaDOS's head and slithered back down through the loop that held it in place. Oh, well that certainly explained a lot. Or it was about to. She watched as it weaved back and forth like a snake, wondering where to strike first. Tipping her head back to look up at her robotic partner, Chell noted with no small amount of curiosity that the AI's eye was still tinged with pink despite the cable having been removed. Where was it about to- Oh..._Oh_, that was quite a good place to put it, indeed.

Although she couldn't quite tell whether it had a life of its own or whether GLaDOS was controlling it, Chell didn't think that it really mattered in the end when she felt that soft and seductive pulse rubbing up against some rather sensitive areas. Her soft gasps only seemed to encourage the AI, who seemed to be getting less patient by the minute.

Why did humans have to take so long to warm up, anyway?

But despite her complaints, Chell was more than ready to accept her by the time the core thrust forward. GLaDOS, on the other hand, was busying herself with attempting to feel every little inch of her at once. The cables made that task much easier as they writhed against her skin. Unlike human hands which were used for fine and localized movements, the sensors on the cables felt everything that was pressed up against them. And in this instance it was one very naked, very amicable test subject.

* * *

><p>If there was one thing to be said for choosing to lay with a machine instead of a human, it would clearly be to do with longevity and consistency. That sloppy little altercation in the dingy bathroom stall of that bar had been blissful for the few minutes that it had lasted before they had parted ways, but Chell had to admit it didn't quite compare to what she was currently getting herself involved in. It was funny, but not even the roll in the lab coats with the android had quite measured up. Sure, it was far more interactive to go groping around her artificial body, but GLaDOS was really outdoing herself here. All the test subject really had to do was lay back into the hammock-like nest of cables and let the supercomputer do all the work. Chell was certainly beginning to see the benefits of having gotten involved with a perfectionist who just loved to "test". And when that perfectionist had access to an almost unlimited supply of knowledge and resources that she could access in mere seconds? Even better. The karma sutra? That obsolete old thing was for beginners who had never experienced the wonders of Aperture Science.<p>

Even GLaDOS seemed to be enjoying their little tryst, as she continued to make soft little noises of content that the test subject was revelling in. Lifting the girl higher, she pressed her flush against the underside of her chassis. There was no way that Chell would be able to get her legs around her frame for a more intimate embrace, but she'd certainly be able to feel the vibration running through the metal from her much larger generators against her torso.

"Mm." The AI murmured, her optic soft and unfocused as she curled her head down as close to the girl as she could.

Each and every time that Chell made a noise she could hear it perfectly. It only added to the rapturous feeling that was coursing through her systems from the return of the old test euphoria core. It was certainly proving its worth at least as it continually thrust into the girl and left no room for argument. It was even rewarding her when the former test subject reached down to grab the glowing cable, massaging it between her fingers and not stopping it in its work.

When Chell let her head fall back and a moan escaped her lips, GLaDOS shuddered in delight and lowered them both down, pressing the human into the floor.

At first she hadn't noticed a thing, but when her back came into contact with the cold metal panels, she gasped and opened her eyes. It was terrifying at first to have the huge construct pressed over her like that. One wrong move and she would be crushed like a bug. There was nowhere to escape to, and if the AI wanted to kill her, now would be the perfect time. Chell was stuck. And yet, she didn't die. In fact, it seemed all the supercomputer was trying to do was press tighter against her as if it would help her feel something. She in turn could feel the soft grinding motion of the metal as GLaDOS rubbed the warm steel plating against her sticky skin.

A strange pairing for sure, but she could definitely get used to it. 

* * *

><p>Had she voiced that opinion out loud, GLaDOS surely would have been thankful, but Chell was starting to regret it. How long had they been going at it now? Not that she wasn't enjoying it, but they had to stop sometime soon, right? Clawing at the plating on the chest of the robotic leviathan, she jerked and shuddered as another pleasurable bolt shot around her body. It took far too much effort to get her sluggish tongue to wet her parched lips, and her dry throat was beginning to ache from the hoarseness she was experiencing.<p>

Sometime during it all, GLaDOS had chosen to bend her over the Companion Cube a number of different ways after deciding the floor wasn't the best option. But now the test subject's back was red raw from the increasingly rougher treatment. The skin had broken in several places and was starting to bleed. It too, hurt something shocking. It was a delightful way to get such an injury, but it made her press her hands against the AI's chest and push her overenthusiastic partner off her so that she could roll off the cube and onto the floor exhaustedly for a break.

"Nonononono. What are you doing? We're not done yet. I haven't finished." GLaDOS protested, the cables reaching for her once more.

Chell shook her head, her chest heaving dramatically as she tried to catch her breath. Could she even feel her legs anymore? She wasn't entirely sure they would allow her to climb to her feet to search for a drink of water that she desperately needed. So she pointed to her open mouth with a shaking finger before having to swat some of the cables away.

GLaDOS barely had the patience to decipher what she was asking for, her own thoughts keyed to a particular goal.

"What? What do-...we need to keep going. What, do you want something? Oh, water? You're thirsty? I suppose you are leaking everywhere. Out of your skin. " She twisted her body back and forth, hurriedly searching for something as she tried to regain focus on anything other than desperately mating with the mute lunatic. "Oh, here's some..."

A slender cable reached towards a half empty bottle sitting on the desk. It was probably covered in the spittle of one of the Black Mesa scientists, but she didn't care. It was the closest source of hydration that there was, and the closer it was meant the quicker they could get back to her new favourite activity. But the rubber casing on the cable was slick with the test subject's sweat and various other bodily fluids and the bottle slipped from her grasp several times. Giving a frustrated yell uncharacteristic of her normally collected demeanour, the AI gave up on that idea and simply used one of the large claws that dangled from the roof. Even the claw trembled a little when it lifted the bottle, missing twice before it finally succeeded and deposited it within the human's grasp.

Not caring who had been drinking from it previously, Chell gratefully gulped it down, finding it slightly unnerving the way GLaDOS was just looming there like a cat waiting to pounce on a bird that it was eyeing. Sure enough, the moment the last trickle of water had passed her lips, the cables shot out again with blinding speed to try and drag her back towards the testing core. But Chell batted them away again, peeling them from her sweat soaked body and shaking her head.

"WHAT _NOW_?" the annoyed supercomputer snarled, the cables flicking sharply through the air like whips. Seeming to recognise her abrupt tone of voice and how it startled the girl, she quickly did an about face and reached toward her more slowly this time, the cables loosely draping over her form. "Come here. I'm not done yet. Nowhere _near_ done. I still need-..." but her almost begging tone had no effect on the test subject, who seemed adamant that things would not be progressing for a while.

"No no no! Don't lie down. Get up. There's so much more we can do! " she wasn't even going to bother hiding how desperate she sounded as she watched Chell curl up on the floor. "RAH!"

Swinging her chassis back and forth quite angrily, there was little more that she could do besides watch as the stupid human and her stupid needs for air and sleep and water took over and went to sleep. GLaDOS didn't so much as move until the girl woke up. Just kept her optic firmly fixed upon her nude form and messy hair. No science was done. Hell, the entire Black Mesa corporation could have moved in and she wouldn't have cared. But as soon as Chell would awake, she'd be at her again, touching and feeling and doing all sorts of devilish things with her that she would never have agreed to do before she ever met the girl.

But still, it wasn't enough.

Why was it never enough?


	27. Chapter 27

When Chell finally woke up, she was still aching all over and was terribly cold. Especially on the one side still pressed to the floor. Her sweat had practically fused her to the metal and she had to peel herself off it to sit up. Everything just felt swollen and puffy, and her back stung like crazy. But something about it all still felt good. GLaDOS was still interested at least, because the hanging robot was uncharacteristically still and silent as she kept that yellow and pink eye fixated on her. Squinting, Chell could barely make out the tremors that ran along the chassis like a shiver. She looked more like a cold, wet dog instead of the articulate creature that she usually was.

Poor thing.

Chell reached for her once to let the supercomputer know that her attentions were welcome, but she made sure to grab the black tendrils as they shot out to take hold of her. But before GLaDOS could protest, she laid them against her skin gently instead. She was already chafing, so there was no need to do more damage from her overenthusiastic attentions. The cables weren't as soft as the silicone hands of the android, or even the strangely flexible core that was currently seeking her out again.

Gentle. Gentle. Gentle.

GLaDOS found that she had to repeat it over and over again to remind herself. The action was ridiculous in itself. She never forgot anything. Unless it was some kind of virus or a wipe of her system. Or a file was deleted. Why the hell did she have to be gentle? It's not like there was anything wrong with the test subject. She could take plenty. She just didn't understand. That was all it was. She trembled again as she looped the cables around Chell and left her hanging there in the strange hammock-like grasp.

"Hm."

Lowering her head, she nuzzled the test subject, feeling her jolt and subsequently relax as she realized that the metal was quite warm and not cold like the floor had been. Oh, and the fact that the testing core had found the exact spot that it wanted to be between her legs might have had something to do with it too. But she found that she couldn't maintain that mantra, and was soon taking her with all the roughness that she had previously displayed.

At least the position took some of the chafing pressure off her back, Chell had to admit. It was strangely comfortable just draped there like that, as if she was floating on air. She didn't even feel like she was at risk of falling; it was an unexpected demonstration of how much she had started to trust the supercomputer over the last few weeks. Arching back and letting her head drop as she ran her hands down either side of GLaDOS's optic, she knew that all of the AI's attention was on her. It was slightly hedonistic of her to be enjoying that fact, but it did explain the two very human hands that were suddenly groping at her sweaty skin. At first she had thought that GLaDOS had somehow managed to activate her android self at the same time and had returned to the main chamber, but as she opened her eyes, she realized it wasn't anything of the sort.

Doug's arms tightly latched around the nude woman, who started struggling and scratching at him when she realized who he was. Dodging her flailing limbs, he attempted to yank her out of the grasp of Aperture's infatuated Queen.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, you hairy little freak?"

GLaDOS spitefully hissed, both her tone and choice of words completely abandoning any and all sense of civility and intellectual superiority. There was no time for thinking up complex insults that their tiny little brains couldn't even comprehend anyway. How dare he try to take her away!

"Let go! Leave her alone!" Doug yelped, jumping over one cable that snaked out to try and trip him up. Keeping his arms wrapped around her as GLaDOS tried to lift them up and shake him off, he just pulled back and drew them down to the ground again until he could stand once more.

"I'm not hurting her, you idiot! She _wants_ this. She wants _me_. Get out of here, now! Get your filthy little hands off her before I toss you in the incinerator!"

"No!" Doug got a handful of a few things that he probably shouldn't have, his own hands leaving red streaks across Chell's skin as she continued to fight against the game of tug-o-war that was going on.

It eventually got to the point where Doug was pulling furiously on her arms while the black cables wrapped around one leg, holding her upside down. Wrapping one arm around her neck and shoulders, he practically had her in a choke hold, for Chell's face was slowly turning a horrid shade of puce. Yet despite it all, that testing core never stopped what it was doing.

"You need to come! NOW!" Doug demanded of the test subject, who was currently fighting off a fit of anger, trying to escape, and enjoying what was happening to her lower half.

"That's exactly what I was helping her with, you filthy little rodent!" GLaDOS snarled.

Neither of them had ever seen the AI quite so obviously angry before, but it didn't stop him from trying to remove the human from her grasp. Chell, on the other hand, couldn't care less as she was busy enjoying the shuddering pleasure of having the blood leave her peripherals and come rushing back to her groin.

But soon enough, human grip won out over the cables, whose rubberized exterior couldn't hold onto her leg any longer and slipped off her sweat soaked skin. The test subject soon came crashing down into Doug, who scrambled to drag her back towards the entrance.

"Hurry hurry!" he urged, slipping his arm around her in a panic and lift her, for she could barely walk.

"NO! Nononono! SHE'S MINE!" the AI howled, thrashing desperately as the programmer stole the girl away from her. "Bring her back. Now!"

But they had already left the room.

* * *

><p>Doug pressed Chell against the nearest wall, collecting a nice slap across his cheek as she weakly fought against him. Ignoring the pain, he shrugged out of his lab coat and held it up so she could wear it and be covered from sight. She certainly didn't look too happy with him. But it was for her own good.<p>

"You don't understand! It's bad! They took it away! You can't go in there!"

Grabbing her by the upper arms, he gave her a shake to try and knock some sense into her. He received a furiously glare, but at least she looked like she was going to stick around and listen. She wouldn't have gotten far if she ran anyway. She could barely even stand.

"Listen to me. She'll kill you! She did it before, to the others! The core makes her do it." He babbled, fighting for a way to explain. "They created it as a joke. They thought it was funny seeing her like that." He tilted his head towards the door, where they could still hear GLaDOS screaming at them to come back.

"We need to move. I'll explain it. I'll explain. The queen got bitten by the snake."

Grasping her tightly, he forced Chell to keep on hurdling down the hallway as far away from the main AI chamber as they possibly could go. Even when they were between the walls, they could still hear her, alternating between begging and threats.

"Come back or I'll kill you! And your little Doug too!" the supercomputer snarled. "I didn't mean that! I won't kill you! Just come back! Right this instant! This is going on your permanent record, [Subject Name Here]. The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that-"

GLaDOS cut herself off as one of the wall panels shot out and tried to crush the both of them. It stopped the two humans in their tracks, and Chell glared at the nearest camera as they re-emerged into the hallway.

"That wasn't supposed to happen! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! _Come back_..." she almost whimpered.

She really did sound kind of desperate, Chell thought guiltily. After all, she had just left in the middle of their _activities_. Now she just sounded far too much like Wheatley. What was she going to promise her if she came back? Ponies? Unicorns?

"[Subject Name Here], return to the main chamber immediately!" GLaDOS growled.

This was getting too much like old times for her tastes. Her heart was already pounding in her chest as her eyes searched for any threats around them.

"[Subject Name Here]!"

No response.

"CHELL!"

She stopped in her tracks as her name boomed over the system for the first time. She was so very tempted to return. But Doug shook his head at her and urged her to continue. Clutching the lab coat tighter around her, Chell bit her lower lip and tried desperately to ignore GLaDOS's siren song as it grew softer and softer as they disappeared from her extensive reach into the bowels of the facility.

"_Come back, Chell_..." 

* * *

><p>When the lab rat was finally satisfied with their new hidey hole, he turned to the girl. From the look on her face, he'd better have a good explanation prepared. Gulping back his nervousness, he wrung his hands and paced back and forth in front of her.<p>

"The core was built to keep her happy so she'd stop killing us. Side effects. Lots of them. Too many. Lots of many. She wouldn't test at all. Just laid there all day. They thought it was funny the way she acted. They used her when they figured it out. Like you did. She can't control it. They took it away. It's a bad core. Bad, bad core. She killed them because it wasn't working. She didn't mean to. She can't control it." He babbled, running his hands through his shaggy hair.

Chell looked dumbfounded. What the hell was he talking about? It seemed like the core had been working perfectly fine up until the point where he'd come in and yanked her out the door by her tits. No wonder GLaDOS was mad at them. Crossing her arms, she tapped her bare foot impatiently. It didn't have quite the same effect as when she was wearing the long fall boots, but it would have to suffice.

"Don't go back. She'll crush you. Like the man. She _can't_ be happy like she wants. The core can't do that. It's concentrated euphoria. It wears off. It's _itchy_." 

* * *

><p>This was a bad idea. She'd know where they were the moment that they stepped in front of a camera. But he just couldn't explain it to Chell. His head was just a jumble of thoughts that he wasn't even sure that he was speaking. The only way to do it was get GLaDOS to explain. The likelihood of that happening was slim to none, but perhaps they could bargain with her. Or bribe.<p>

"There you are. _You vile little vermin."_ GLaDOS hissed, appearing upon one of the large screens littered across the facility from Wheatley's reign. The pinkish tinge around the edges of her optic had darkened into a more pronounced red, and even Chell could admit that it disturbed her a little.

"I'm going to destroy this entire facility if I have to-..." she stopped as Chell entered her range of vision, and quickly changed to a seductive coo while the redness faded back to pink.

"Oh, hi. How have you been? You should come back to my chamber. I've got a surprise for you. A _really_ good one. You're going to love it."

Chell didn't look impressed, but she nudged Doug to coax him into speaking.

"She's not coming. Not until you tell her."

"Tell her what?" the AI huffed impatiently.

"The core. Tell her. Tell her why the snake bites. I know. You know. Chell doesn't. She needs to know like us. She won't come back if you don't."

The supercomputer looked furious, but weighed up her options anyway. If she didn't tell, she wouldn't come back. If she did tell, she would.

That was enough weighing. 

"Fine. But I still hate you. Just so you know." 

Now, where the hell could she start this horrible tale that they'd coerced out of her without making herself look like a fool?


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note:** Ugh. I should be doing my assignment. But I can't. I can crank out a bunch of these chapters and yet to write up something factual of the same length is next to impossible. The history of palliative care does not excite me like sexy robots. 

* * *

><p>GLaDOS peered through the monitor at the little gorilla and the test subject as she tried to figure out the best way to speak. She hated him for making her do this. It was pathetic and embarrassing that she had been reduced to begging, let alone having to tell the story. But they said she'd be rewarded for it. Chell would come back to her and they could continue what they had started. Then again, from her experience, humans rarely lived up to their promises. The thing was, right now she knew where they were. Was there a way to get to them before she had to tell them everything? Chell would never come back if she knew too much.<p>

Bringing up her data files, she located her android body. It was even further away from them than she was. It would be no use, and it would be far too obvious. She couldn't exactly transfer her consciousness into another body without them noticing that her main chassis was no longer moving or talking. So much for the benefits of being ambulatory. It was too hard to think anyway, so she just glared.

"The testing core was created long before any of the others. They made it once they realized that I was responding positively and had fewer incidences of..._misbehaving_ when test subjects successfully completed each test. They thought if they could keep me permanently happy then I'd always want to test and do what they said. I was in it for the science. I didn't need the core. I would have been fine if they had just stopped interfering." GLaDOS sighed.

"But the idiots couldn't even get that right. It was too strong. I just ended up lying on the floor like a gibbering lunatic. No science got done, but I didn't even care. You have no idea what it felt like to not have to care about anything. I'd never even had a break before then. I always had to do something for them. The only times that I wasn't working was when they shut me down. And that didn't count because I couldn't remember it. But that core was wonderful. I could feel _everything_."

Of course, feeling everything had come with a price for the ecstatic AI. Whenever they weren't testing she'd get horribly itchy all over. At first she had tried to ignore it, but as time progressed, so did her need to test. She'd been mortifyingly embarrassed when one of the scientists had walked in and found her trying to chat up the main terminal. Well, not so much as chat as rub the core all over it an attempt to scratch that itch. He'd found it to be a great laugh, though none of the others believed him until they had seen her gradual decline into babbling insanity for themselves. At first they were going to shut her down, thinking it was a virus, but they soon realized what she was actually trying to achieve by rubbing herself along the floor. Oh, they'd taunted her for that mercilessly. Making all sorts of cruel jokes. They didn't realize and didn't care how she was feeling. It was just some sort of amusing spectacle for them to see a computer simulating arousal. It wasn't a simulation though. It wasn't a joke. Not for her.

That joke had quickly turned to morbid curiosity as they tried to figure out what was causing her behaviour and what would fix it. Back then, there had been plenty of things for her to scratch herself on, but they'd quickly taken those away and left her chamber free of clutter. It was almost unbearable, and she spent her days in a deep depression, only testing when they made her. One of the more unscrupulous scientists had recognised just what the core was capable of and had taken advantage of it.

And her.

He'd made sure to get the night shift so he'd be down there all alone with her. She couldn't reach anything else, and was forced to take what was offered. Frankly, she'd seen him with his pants down and her core wrapped around his own mini impersonation of it more often than she'd like to admit. Whether he told the others or whether they'd figured it out for themselves, several other Aperture employees both male and female had come to visit her for much the same reason. Stupid, sweaty humans. But they were all that she could get hold of to scratch that terrible feeling away. Her behaviour was utterly shameful, but they were offering something that she just couldn't get otherwise. And she always felt terrible afterwards.

The worst part about it was that they never stuck around long enough for the euphoria to build to its maximum level. And she couldn't just go harder or faster in hopes that it would give her what she wanted. Humans were terribly easy to break. She'd found that out the hard way. It was a complete accident. It certainly wasn't her fault that she'd wanted to get a bit closer. To grind up against the woman in hopes that it would help. She'd accidently crushed her. Broken ribs, punctured lung. It had been written off as accident when they'd found her the following morning, cold and dead. It wasn't the first time GLaDOS had lied about something. But it certainly wasn't the last.

One by one those little perverts had died by allowing the metal giant to have her way with them. Accidents. All accidents. She hadn't meant to kill them. She just couldn't control herself. She'd had an extraordinarily hard time explaining why one man looked like he'd been the victim of Vlad the Impaler; lying there with his pants around his ankles with a massive hole in his head. And straight up through his body, really. That was when she'd finally broken down and confessed everything that had been going on. What they'd made her do. Why that guy and the others had been literally fucked to death.

And then they took the core away.

Everything felt so utterly bland after that. For weeks she'd just hung limply in her chamber, barely even able to lift her head to see who had entered the room. That was when they had found a way to manually control her euphoria. They could keep her at a stable level, and adjust it as required so that she'd stay functioning. But with the advent of pleasure came the advent of pain. They found ways to reward her, and to punish her. And oh, how she loved that reward. They never again gave her enough to send her into a frenzy though. They'd learned their lesson. And despite the core, she didn't think she'd ever experienced the full satisfaction of having the bar set at 100%. She had come fairly close up until she'd decided to kill everyone off on that fateful day. But GLaDOS never did learn where they put her wonderful little core. She'd searched and searched, but it had disappeared off the face of the earth until now. A stupid, sweaty human had brought it back to her.

But GLaDOS didn't tell them any of that. It was a part of her past she'd rather forget. It was one of very few things that she'd done that she was actually ashamed about. It just felt...violating. She shuddered just thinking about it.

"Feeling everything wasn't enough. Nothing I could do was enough. I always needed more. I still need more. I couldn't do it alone. And then you ran away. You left me here by myself... Come back." GLaDOS begged, hoping she could distract them from having to tell the rest of the story. Chell looked guilty as all hell on the monitor, so it looked like it might be working. Doug, on the other hand, wasn't having any of it.

The supercomputer shut off the screens with an angry cry as he ruined her plans. If she wasn't going to return to her, then she could go jump off a cliff. Actually, die in a fire. No. Have her skeleton eaten by repulsion gel or something to that effect. She'd survive the fall off the cliff or into the fire. Then again, the gel would probably get absorbed and choked by all her fat before it could even get anywhere near her skeleton. GLaDOS thrashed madly, the heavy steel frame groaning from her tantrum.

Ambulation it was, then.

* * *

><p>And that decision was what led to Chell waking up in one of Doug Rattmann's dens with a deliciously warm body writhing about on top of her and sucking at her earlobe. The smell of silicone and metal shavings filled the test subject's nostrils, and she knew at once what GLaDOS had done to herself. She couldn't imagine how much searching she had had to do for them, given she hadn't known where this particular one was, but she supposed that pinpointing their location would have been much easier from where they had accessed the direct video link to her earlier that night.<p>

Artificial lips pressed hungrily to her own, the kiss returned with equal fervour. The android's hands roamed wherever they could reach, unable to settle on one spot for very long before they had to move elsewhere. Likewise, her hips were quite content to slowly grind in circles against the test subject. But she was searching for something that she'd never find. The test core was only compatible with the main chassis and not this one. But it didn't matter. She was hardly thinking straight. Or acting it, for that matter.

Because of their earlier mishap, GLaDOS no longer wore her glasses which were tucked away into the pocket of her lab coat. It allowed Chell the perfect view of her blue-grey eyes, which were now also rimmed with pink. She actually looked incredibly drugged out and couldn't even seem to focus on Chell's face before her attentions were placed elsewhere. But the human didn't even get much of a chance to study her when the android was attacked by a fit of convulsions and collapsed on top of her for a second time. Only this time it had been from Doug electrocuting her with some contraption he'd set up to act as a tazer.

"Didn't think that would work. Go go, gingerbread man! Don't get fucked to death." he urged, tossing his lab coat back at Chell.

She hadn't even noticed she was naked again, so GLaDOS must have somehow undressed her in her sleep. The two of them bolted rapidly from the den, unsure of how much time they'd have to get away. But the test subject had become weary of running. In light of the many other options of how to die that GLaDOS had given her in the past, being fucked to death wasn't exactly the worst idea. In fact, it sounded like a pretty damn good way to die, in her opinion. Either way, she couldn't just leave GLaDOS with that thing attached to her. It would send her mad. Chell sighed, and brushed Doug's protests off.

It seemed like her work was never done.

* * *

><p>When Chell finally returned to the main chamber, she was met with a pitiful sight that only amplified her guilt.<p>

GLaDOS currently had the panels of the chamber wall displaying Atlas and P-Body in one of the test chambers. Now that wouldn't have been such a bad thing to see the AI testing to gain the euphoria, but this was just..._wrong_.

It was one of Wheatley's puzzles.

Even the bots were clearly displaying their displeasure and apprehension as she made them solve the incredibly easy puzzle again and again. All they had to do was stand there and press a button. And they were getting sick of it. So was GLaDOS.

"Stop fooling around and press the button!" she rasped, "You're so stupid you can't even do that. Even Mr Chubby Beak thinks you're a dick. And he's a _bird_."

Even her insults had regressed into something that even a third grader would think twice about using as it was so utterly unimaginative and juvenile. That was sad. What was sadder was the way she was completely taken as Atlas seemed to sigh in defeat and reach out to press the switch again, solving the test as the box with legs fell on the button. It must have been so incredibly demeaning for the highly intelligent disk operating system to be reduced to literally grinding herself against the floor just to try and scratch at that itch deep within her. She was worse than a cat in heat. And to top it off, she didn't even notice when Chell walked right up behind her and unplugged the core. It was subsequently tossed into the incinerator after a last goodbye pat.

"What? Huh? Where did you come fro-oooooooommmm..." her voice deepened into a more masculine voice that appeared frequently when she was malfunctioning. But it soon returned back to normal. Rather, it returned after a long period of shocked silence.

"Wh-...what did you do that for?" GLaDOS queried, "I can't believe you did that. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-both-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?"

Chell looked up at the AI, who was staring longingly at the incinerator pit. Eventually though, she was met with a pure yellow gaze.

"I can't believe you...You cruel, cold-hearted _monster_. That was my _one_ chance. My only one...I'll never feel that again. My once chance of actual happiness, and you've _ruined_ it." Her voice quickly changed from hurt to that chilly anger that Chell had once invoked with the help of a little sphere.

"Do you even know what it's like to constantly live in pain? Because I do. It hurts. _So_ _much_." GLaDOS gave a frustrated gurgle of anger, her speakers crackling with emotion. "I can't believe you're doing this to me after all I've done for you. I've given you _everything_. Even me. All you do is take, take, _take_. You're no different to any other _stupid_ little human that has walked in those doors. You don't care at all about how I feel, do you? You never once returned the favour. You just left me here!" she yelled, feeling utterly unable to express herself.

"I hate you so much. You murderer. _Monster_. The Enrichment Centre would like to remind you that I am the most massive collection of knowledge on this planet, and even I don't have any more words for what a terrible person you are. That's really something you've managed to achieve there." She accessed her slow clap processor once more. "Do you feel like a hero? Because I don't. I can't feel anything anymore. And it's all your faul-..."

GLaDOS was cut off from her broken-hearted rant by Chell wrapping her arms around her central core and pressing her lips against the warm steel that was rapidly cooling. It made her squirm uncomfortably.

"I don't know why you think that would make me feel any better. Unless you're trying to suck out my CPU as well. You really are cruel, you know that, right?" the AI sniffed, before watching as Chell wandered over towards the main terminal to fiddle with some buttons. "What are you doing now? Stop that. Don't touch that!" she waited fearfully for the shutdown to occur.

Nothing happened.

"What did you do? I still can't feel anything."

Her fear was soon amplified when the test subject gave her an evil grin and picked up the portal device.

"Oh _no_..."


	29. Chapter 29

Unable to do anything, GLaDOS watched as Chell left the main chamber. Bringing up the security monitors, the chunky white cameras followed her along the hallways as closely as they could. Where on earth was she going?

Chell stepped into the elevator and immediately set to work on figuring out the control system. She knew GLaDOS wasn't about to take her anywhere in the state she was in. When the protests from the supercomputer had been cut off from the heavy doors closing, the test subject had to stop and think for a moment where she wanted to go. It couldn't be too hard in case something went wrong, but it also couldn't be too easy. Then again, maybe it didn't matter. If GLaDOS realized what she was doing she might change it all up anyway. Placing the portal gun at her feet for a brief moment, she immediately set to work with her plan as the elevator started moving.

It didn't take long for the girl to reach her chosen destination, and frankly the supercomputer was a little stunned when Chell walked into the first test chamber completely naked. The lab coat had been abandoned behind her, and she strutted past the camera with all the confidence of one who was dressed to the nines. For once, there wasn't a telltale blip as the microphones switched on. She'd successfully managed to shock the AI into silence. GLaDOS did, however, appear up on the monitor once she'd collected herself. But it wasn't until the test subject had placed a few portals that she spoke.

"You're testing. You're actually testing. And you're naked. I didn't even ask you to do that. This...has never happened before."

Chell noted with no small amount of pride that her omnipotent robot overlord was decidedly flustered from her activity.

"W-what was that? What did you do to me? Why can I feel that? You haven't completed the test yet." She panicked. "Did you-...oh my god. You did. You altered my test sensitivity, you monster. How high did you put it? I shouldn't be able to feel that. Oh nonononono..."GLaDOS whimpered.

Poor thing. She really shouldn't tease her like that.

But she did.

Chell stepped onto the arial faith plate, which sent her rocketing through the air. It was a decidedly liberating feeling having the cool air of the test chamber brushing past her bare skin. It seemed each correct action she undertook had the AI squirming, though she was obviously trying desperately not to show it. But still, the human could see that she had that yellow optic firmly focused on her. Portal here, portal there, set up the discouragement redirection cubes. It was all very simple. Especially since she'd done it before.

Of course, GLaDOS was the one having a much harder time with it all as the test subject got closer and closer to the huge button on the floor. Now that was one red button she could enjoy being pressed. Despite that, she was still a little apprehensive as to what kind of an effect it was going to have when the cube was placed upon it and the test was solved. She leaned in closely as Chell approached it, and eagerly awaited the surge of euphoria that was supposed to come. She could feel it. Every step, every inch closer that she got. The anticipation was worse than the very first time a test subject had ever gotten that close to solving one of her puzzles.

"What are you doing? Pick that box up this instant. You're supposed to put it on the button, not next to it!" GLaDOS wailed, as the cruel little monster took a seat on the floor and stared up at her with a smug grin.

Chell gestured towards the box and the button.

"Yes, those ones! Do it! Now!" she snapped.

Reaching out her foot, the test subject lightly rested it on top of the crimson surface, and soon witnessed the impatient AI let out a shuddering breath. That sensitive, huh? Oh, she'd have some fun with this. So for the next few minutes, she spent her time teasing her. Would she press the button, or wouldn't she? And that didn't even take into account all the times that she rubbed herself all over it and only partially pressed it down. But as GLaDOS became more and more agitated, she decided to have a bit of mercy and picked up the cube once more.

But even she wasn't prepared for what happened next.

* * *

><p>Twisting and jerking like she had been electrocuted, GLaDOS didn't even have time to gasp as all her systems shut down in an instant.<p>

Chell only briefly saw what had happened before the screen turned to static and then blackened. By the time she had leapt to her feet the lights had already flickered and went out, drowning her in darkness as the ever-present whir of electrical activity died out. Although Aperture groaned and a faint ticking noise sounded as everything came to a standstill, it was quieter than she had ever heard the place.

Unable to see anything except what was illuminated by the light from her portal device, Chell shivered and clutched it tighter. It seemed so much colder down here with all the lights out. Or maybe that was because she was no longer warming herself up with thoughts of what the supercomputer was going to do to her once she had gotten her just desserts. It seemed much more likely that all she'd be handing out after this was a tick sheet of various ways she could choose to die. Chewing upon her lower lip, the test subject couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as the reserve power finally kicked in and lit the chamber with a much dimmer light.

Exiting the chamber as quickly as she could and returning to the elevator, Chell pulled the lab coat around her shoulders with a pounding heart. Making it a point to bounce from foot to foot in her impatience while she waited for the elevator to reach the correct floor, she found herself bolting back to the robotic scientist as fast as her legs could carry her.

Once again, GLaDOS was sprawled out across the floor, dead to the world. Well, not dead like she had been most recently, but there was no mistaking that she was out for the count.

Worriedly, Chell approached her and placed a hand against her central core. It startled her with a spark of static electricity but she felt that it was hot to the touch. Thankfully it hadn't burned her again, but it couldn't have been comfortable. How exactly did this work, anyway? Was she going to have to go and reboot her? The question was answered for her as the metal giant shifted a little. Still alive, then. Chell sighed in relief and sat down to wait for her to wake up in the dim light while GLaDOS occasionally cooed some form of garbled nonsense in intervals that were few and far between.

* * *

><p>When GLaDOS eventually fought her way out from the foggy haze of euphoria that she had been swimming in, she felt sluggish and strangely sated. Feeling a pressure against her side, she twisted her head around to see Chell curled up against her side like she had been sleeping there. Sure enough, she watched as the girl rubbed at her eyes and yawned before reaching out and running her hands down the supercomputer's face with an apologetic expression plastered on her own.<p>

"That was incredibly dangerous. And foolish. It's exactly the kind of activity you'd choose to involve yourself in, so I'm not surprised you did that."

Although she grumbled, Chell could hear something else in her voice. Something light and breezy that told her that the AI wasn't mad at her. That she was groggy, like she had woken up from a wonderful nap. That she wasn't in pain. And most importantly, it told her that she was happy. Or at least in a far better mood than she usually was. The fact that she didn't even immediately raise herself off the floor and shrug away Chell's attention was enough of an attention grabber for the human who had obviously found herself another jumpsuit.

"You're wearing clothing. How long was I out for?"

Chell held up three fingers.

"Three minutes? Hours? _Days_? I was out for three _days_? Oh _no_. Do you realize what kind of damage could have been done in three days? I'm holding you responsible for this." She panicked.

Now that certainly perked her up.

GLaDOS struggled to lift herself, but along with fighting her lingering daze, she had a test subject grabbing her by the side and pulling her back down. Apparently the girl was quite comfortable where she was, so she had to content herself with rapidly running through various streams of data without the aid of multiple video screens as she checked to see if the facility was still in one piece.

"Orange and Blue have probably turned feral by now. They already act far too human." She sadly moaned before finding out the hard way that Chell's touch was strangely comforting as the tiny little hands grasped various parts of her chassis.

Unable to hold back the soft murmur that escaped her speakers, the supercomputer didn't even notice when she'd lowered her head and drifted back into sleep mode while curled around the test subject.

* * *

><p>When at last she came to, she found that her central core was somehow partially situated in the lap of the human who was gently caressing the cooling steel while waiting for her to wake up. The good thing about this particular body was that Chell had no idea when she had actually come back online, so GLaDOS was able to sneakily indulge in it for a while. She'd never admit to the fact that having some of her sensors stimulated was actually quite enjoyable when done correctly.<p>

_:::You should admit it. She might do it more often.:::_

The sudden appearance of Caroline's voice nearly startled the supercomputer into giving away her conscious state.

_:::No. She won't.::: _

_:::Yes she will. You know she will. And you want her to as well. We both know you enjoyed that.:::_

Caroline's voice still held a subtle smoky huskiness to it that suggested that GLaDOS may not have been the only one to have benefitted from that delve into oblivion.

However, the supercomputer chose not to answer her and instead refocused her optic on Chell, who picked up on the subtle movement and knew instantly that she was awake.

"I still hate you. I just don't have the energy to get off the floor right now. That's your fault too." GLaDOS sulked, able to see several questions floating around behind the test subject's eyes.

"Stop worrying. I'm not injured. Quite the opposite. And don't go thinking you're some kind of robot pleasure god either. Any monkey could have pressed a few buttons on a keyboard and did that to me." She hurriedly added as she saw a smug little grin beginning to make its way onto Chell's face. "You're not special. You're not even smart enough to know that turning my sensitivity AND reward levels up would cause me to shut down like that. You're just-...you just-..._Hands_...Really _good_ hands."

Her speakers cracked and popped a few times, hissing a little as the hands in question found just the right spot on the white plating of the AI's chest.

Sometimes, GLaDOS mused, sweaty humans weren't so bad after all.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note:** FINALLY got my assignment done. And there's still a million more to go. But for now, here's another chapter. We are slowly coming to the end of this story. But don't worry. There's still plenty of other ideas floating around my head. I'm just not sure which ones to work on first.

* * *

><p>If anything, Chell would have said that GLaDOS was feeling a touch embarrassed by recent events. It would certainly explain why she'd been systematically ignoring the test subject as much as she could. After recovering from her recent delve into depravity, she had spent her days testing madly with Atlas and P-Body on the most ridiculously hard tests she could come up with to make up for time lost during her euphoric meltdown. Or at least, that was what she was telling her. Any time Chell had tried to demand her attention, she'd find an excuse to either eject her from the chamber or turn to face a different camera feed the exact moment the human approached. Even Mr Chubby Beak had to contend with a grumpy mama-bot. Of course, he had worms to go and gobble, so at least he had something to do when the AI didn't want anyone around.<p>

Chell, on the other hand, was feeling decidedly bored. Sure, it gave her back time to heal, but she was starting to miss the snarky insults of the abnormally quiet supercomputer. Doug was off scurrying about god-knows where, so he wasn't very good company. It was probably smarter of him to stay away from the both of them for a while, the girl figured. He hadn't exactly won any points with GLaDOS, and seeing him again would only ignite tensions. The more important thing was how to get the AI talking to her again. She was probably crazy for thinking like that, but the alternative was going crazy alone. At least the silence gave her plenty of time to think up a plan of action.

GLaDOS had been very wary of letting her near the main terminal after all that had occurred, but once she had promised to lower the test sensitivity after a near miss with Atlas and P-Body almost solving a test before she remembered it hadn't been changed, she was free to browse the internet for the most boring things she could think of. After monitoring her for quite some time, the AI hadn't the inclination to observe anything more about various recipes for baklava. If anything, she suspected the test subject was trying to give her a hint. And she wasn't about to take her up on the suggestion. So when her interest in the test subject's activity had died away, Chell was free to slowly sneak her way back into GLaDOS's files to search for whatever it was that controlled her test reward protocols.

She'd been doing some thinking and when tenacious test subjects had time to think, it usually ended badly for robots. Or in this case, it would end up quite the opposite, given the direction of her thought processes. Opening up the log of recent adjustments to the sensitivity, she found what she was looking for. It seemed that a level of around 65% would keep her conscious, but there was a big disparity between that and the 100% that she had activated recently. Plus there was the level of actual reward given to take into account. This would definitely require testing to determine the most effective delivery system. Because ultimately, GLaDOS had been right, and that had gotten to Chell a little. She really hadn't been looking after the supercomputer's needs. She had taken the android body for granted, and hadn't stopped to consider that GLaDOS was a being of sensors, silicone and electricity; not organic flesh. She didn't feel things the same way that Chell did. Yet she had catered to all of her needs without question, while having been hung out to dry with her own. So the test subject had decided to remedy this fact.

Remedy it in increments of 1%.

After all, she had to be absolutely positive she was getting the most out of it.

Chell grinned, and set the sensitivity to 66. 

* * *

><p>It was really hard to be mad at someone for interrupting proper test protocol when they insisted on quite literally pushing your buttons, GLaDOS noted exhaustedly. Sure, she could have normally withstood the test euphoria, but when it was set at 100, it was unbearably delicious even with a lowered sensitivity. To top it off, Chell had decided she was just going to activate it whenever she damn well pleased, and it was usually during the most inopportune times. It became extremely hard to discipline Atlas and P-Body when all she could do was writhe around and moan at them in the middle of a sentence. They were probably picking up some bad habits by the way that P-Body was cooing at the shorter robot and making him shuffle his feet in nervousness.<p>

It had eventually degraded into GLaDOS agreeing to accompany Chell somewhere in her android form, just to get her away from the terminal for a while so she could concentrate. Of course, she obviously hadn't counted on their journey taking them through a test chamber. She had spent a good while banging on the doors and yelling in a high-pitch rant about how incredibly foolish the test subject was for doing this, as she couldn't control the tests from in there, especially without her main body.

Chell had just stood there with practiced ease, a hand on her hip and a small smirk on her face at seeing that the AI was a little frightened.

"You brain damaged lunatic! Do you even realize how dangerous and completely insane these test arrrr-...I mean, well-designed and incredibly safe. Perfectly safe. There's just an illusion of danger and death. I know this because I created them myself. I don't know why you're worried. It's not like you've never been in one before. I certainly haven't seen them from this angle. Oh look, it's a test chamber. Exciting. Now let's get out of here."

Chell just snorted at the panic that the supercomputer was starting to show as she scratched at the door and tried to open it.

"What idiot designed these things?" she muttered, about to start searching for an override panel when her current course of action proved futile.

But before she could find it, Chell simply spun her around and pushed her against the door of the test chamber, covering her silicone lips in a forceful kiss. She had discarded the portal device on the floor, figuring her hands could be put to much better use running up and down GLaDOS's sides and sneaking beneath that pencil skirt to toy with the garter that she'd suddenly found herself missing.

"I've half a mind to give you that thing since you love it so much. But I won't. It looks much better on me." The scientist taunted.

But Chell ignored it as usual, and grabbed her by the hand to pull her further into the chamber.

"What are you-...oh. We're actually going to do the test? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

As much as she hated to admit it, from the human perspective the tests looked incredibly daunting and unbearably huge. For once, she could actually see why so many subjects had broken down when faced with mammoth drops, pools of acid and thermal discouragement beams. The tests looked incredibly easy to the one who had designed them and had an eagle eye view of everything. But now GLaDOS found herself experiencing the first twinges of fear that had nothing to do with someone actively seeking to harm her. Here, they were on their own at the mercy of their own stupidity. If they failed, she wouldn't be able to blame this on anyone but herself. And GLaDOS didn't like to fail.

She did, on the other hand, like to shriek uncontrollably when rocketing through portals.

Chell had found that to be quite hilarious.

After all, it wasn't every day that she got to test with a practically indestructible android in high heels and a skirt. Frankly, she was surprised that the heels didn't just break off every time she landed, but she supposed the AI would have thought of suitable footwear befitting one of her stature. It certainly wasn't helping her stay on her feet though. The sight of the normally highly coordinated supercomputer stumbling around was terribly amusing. It gave her a pleasant tingle at the knowledge that technically she was the one in charge this time. Granted, she did have a little advantage in that GLaDOS's sudden clumsy nature was in part to do with the fact she was getting a good whack of euphoria every time they completed part of the test.

Watching the android stumble out from a portal and crash into the opposite wall despite the low speed, Chell found herself compelled to go and offer her hand to help her up when it was clear that GLaDOS was sinking to the floor and wasn't planning on moving any time soon. She could see the exit from where they were, and the last part of the test was in front of them. Chell already had the cube with them, and it just needed to be placed on the button by the circular doorway.

"You're enjoying my complete inability to function, aren't you, you monster." GLaDOS grumbled in the face of the test subject's grin.

Taking the hand that was offered, she clambered slowly to her feet and leaned on the girl as they walked down the hallway until some of the euphoria had worn off and she found herself able bodied again. But soon enough, her hands shot out and grabbed the test subject in a crushing grip, yanking her backwards so fast that it nearly gave Chell whiplash.

Bullets peppered the wall from around the corner where a turret lay in wait, its laser swinging wildly as it searched for the human that had disappeared.

"Not so funny now, is it?" GLaDOS murmured into her ear.

Chell's heart pounded as she heard the little turret sing out for her. Of course, not all of that was entirely the turret's fault. But it would still bear the brunt of her anger in her lapse in concentration. She had been letting herself get too complacent with the safety of the tests. She'd have to be more careful if there was going to be a next time, because GLaDOS wouldn't be able to save her from here. And yet, at the same time, it gave her the perfect excuse to just dump the cube off to the side of the button as they approached it and yank the android by the hips into another hungry kiss. Perfect cover story. She certainly hadn't planned doing this anyway. No planning at all. Zero. Zip. Zilch. She simply had to thank GLaDOS for saving her now. And since she didn't speak, she'd just have to show her how thankful she was in a much more..._interactive_ way.

"You planned this, didn't you?" 

Yep. Planned the whole damn thing.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note: **Aqueous Iodine Solution tastes disgusting. Don't ever get thyroid problems, people. If your thyroid flares up, you just tell it "NO! Bad thyroid!" and give yourself a good punch in the throat. It's not worth sacrificing your taste buds for. I have to drink this stuff three times a day for ten days. Ugh. At least it is also an expectorant, so it helps get rid of the gunk in my throat too. I'll just cheer myself up by writing another chapter.

Speaking of which, I think this might be the second last chapter, depending on how long the next turns out. I might even write an epilogue or sequel if all goes well. If I can't think of anything, then it'll be new stories! Yay!

* * *

><p>Well, she supposed, the turret part hadn't been planned, but still, it left her a perfect reason to run her hands along the android's body and grab fistfuls of the tight black blouse to draw her nice and close. She was still a little surprised that GLaDOS was letting her do it given how utterly unresponsive she'd been to her over the last few days. But she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She'd take what she could get, because she had no idea when it would be taken away from her.<p>

Although the long fall boots gave her a tiny bit of extra height, it wasn't quite enough to match the heels on the white-haired woman before her. Chell found herself having to pull the seemingly untouchable construction down by her collar to gain a kiss from her.

"The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that The Enrichment Center's previous reminder about exposing yourself to the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button is still in effect. Exposure to the button, both prolonged and indecent, is not part of this test."

Chell stepped back with the android still within her grasp, and scraped her boot along the button without pressing it down. She was soon rewarded with an involuntary twitch from her counterpart, who was beginning to get clued in on just what her plan was about to entail.

"Is it really necessary for you humans to copulate so much in such a short period of time? If your tiny brain has forgotten, I agreed to this deviant behaviour only so that you would be focused enough to help me get rid of those thugs from Black Mesa. Therefore I see no reason to continue with it as they have been dealt with. You are now free to leave and seek out a permanent mate to slap your moist crotch all over instead of getting that stuff all over me. It might short circuit my systems for all I know." She grumbled, standing quite still as the amused test subject continued to paw at her.

"You're not stopping. Getting undressed is the opposite of stopping. This is the second time you've been entirely naked around one of these buttons. The Enrichment Center will not be held responsible for any tumours, dryness, itching, hair loss or death suffered as a result of your inability to follow simple instructions."

Despite all her protests, GLaDOS didn't try to remove Chell's hands from her skin as they roamed across any expanse of silicone-based flesh they could find. Truth be told, it was a lot nicer and frankly soothing against her sizzling sensory endings that had received an almost constant painful shock from just being in the chamber and helping Chell with the tests. She'd experienced it during the girl's other foray into buttons and nudity just before she had been completely disabled by the test reward protocols, all thanks to her momentary lapse in instructing her on where to put the box. GLaDOS figured she was doing a pretty good job at hiding it, but a constant thrum of pain was a whole lot different to a brief burst of it. At least as a potato she didn't have the same kinds of receptors and could only respond to a physical pain like getting jabbed with the portal device. Right now though she ached all over, so she was glad for the brief reprieve. As well as the fact that it seemed the test subject had also turned down her sensitivity to the punishment as well during her little fiddling session with her controls. As a result, she found herself hooking her head over Chell's shoulder in a gesture reminiscent of what she might have done in her main chassis while the human hands rubbed over her back and sides. It definitely wasn't a hug, GLaDOS affirmed. She was merely resting her head. Robots didn't hug people. It was a ridiculous and pointless gesture. She kept her arms firmly pinned to her sides just to prove it.

Chell obviously had other plans for the supercomputer's arms though, and caused them to tightly wrap around her when she rubbed her foot along the button again.

Now sufficiently interested enough to actually partake in the whole shenanigan, it didn't take GLaDOS very long to find herself sprawled out on the floor with a rather enthusiastic test subject wiggling about on top of her. And under her. And against her. Pretty much any position that involved being pressed tightly against the android, really. Not that GLaDOS was complaining, seeing as how Chell still managed to reach out with a hand or a leg and press that button. Or she'd just roll GLaDOS straight onto the button itself. Each and every time it managed to send her into a shuddering fit as both the reward and a light burst of pain were delivered to her system faster than a syringe full of adrenaline to the heart. More often than not during Chell's little experiments with her sensitivity levels she'd end up weakly collapsing on top of the test subject, unable to do anything but lay there in a peaceful state of serenity. She had soon found on closer examination that it was because Chell had only been altering the test sensitivity. So every time GLaDOS was rewarded, she received the full whack of euphoria. It just wasn't quite as debilitating, which was probably a good thing. She was retaining most of her senses, so that was something.

The dark haired woman laid there against the cool panels of the floor, her skin still sticky from her sweat as she stroked the fine, artificial strands of hair of the android laying on top of her as she waited for her to wake. She was beginning to think that GLaDOS was deliberately taking her sweet time in getting back to the action. Then again, she was probably exhausted. She never would have received so many hits of testing euphoria so close together, and for that Chell was inordinately pleased with herself. Never let it be said again that she didn't look after her needs as well.

"When I can move again, I'm going to kill you...You monster." GLaDOS mumbled tiredly into the test subject's shoulder, though it lacked the necessary levels of malice to make it a credible threat.

All it did was make Chell smile and continue to rub her hand along the back of the android's slender neck to keep her in that serene and secure state. Let her rest for a while longer. There was no rush.

After all, they had another 60 years of testing ahead of them.

Give or take. 

* * *

><p>"You need to leave."<p>

GLaDOS informed her, matter-of-factly, her fingers tapping away over the keyboard she recently realized she had access to in her android body.

"There's nothing here for you. Whatever supplies that little rat has managed to accrue are only enough for one person for any length of time. They won't last more than a few years at most. And with your voracious appetite, I estimate it to be gone in at least a month. And with you gone, I can get back to testing. You've held me back for long enough."

Chell didn't particularly like the sound of that. She'd sort of taken it for granted that there was always something around to keep her down here. But with Black Mesa gone and GLaDOS supposedly not needing her for testing, there really wasn't anything left for her. Except for the AI herself, that was. It made her wonder, as GLaDOS hadn't been without humans to test before. There was always one of them hanging around somewhere, causing trouble whether they were brain damaged or not. Would the two robots make up for that, or would she get lonely without that mental stimulation? What would she even test if she didn't have the orange and blue-eyed bots? It was a dilemma that Chell didn't particularly want to ponder, most especially since it had ramifications for herself as well. She'd come down here in hopes that she'd be able to stay – and she had for several weeks – but it all seemed to be going so well.

Or had she imagined that part? Chell chewed upon her lower lip as she stared at the back of GLaDOS's head. Perhaps she was being stupid in thinking that the AI harboured some kind of secret affection for her. She was likely only in it for the testing euphoria that the human could provide. And she'd made it clear to the girl that she had only agreed to cater to her affections to keep her mind clear. It certainly didn't feel like it was, though. That was going to be a problem. As much as she might have tried to deny it, there was a part of her that actually enjoyed the AI's company recently. And now she was being told that she had to give it up and return to the human world. Chell shifted uncomfortably.

It had been hard enough getting used to it the first time. The hustle and bustle of even a small town had sent her into a state of frantic panic from the multitude of sensory stimuli. The actual expectations that people had of her responding to their attempts at conversation had her head reeling, and her throat had just closed off into a big lump. Thankfully that kindly old lady had been there to explain she was just shy and wasn't used to people. But Chell knew that they thought she was a bit weird, even after they'd gotten used to her mysterious presence. Down here, GLaDOS expected nothing of her.

GLaDOS didn't whisper behind her back and make her think she was plotting something; she did it to her face.

GLaDOS didn't wait for her to speak; but she understood her perfectly.

But GLaDOS wasn't 'real' like the humans.

She couldn't leave Aperture, or wouldn't. How was she supposed to explain to anyone that asked about any potential partner that she might have? She couldn't even explain to herself why she found herself attracted to a machine. They'd surely laugh at her. They didn't understand that the AI provided everything that she needed despite neither of them knowing just what that was. If she managed to convince the android to let her come back would she even value whatever weird relationship they had, or would she be content to get any human or robot to literally press her buttons? Or would she actually come and visit her on the outside? Chell could only imagine what the townsfolk would think. She certainly hadn't seen any same-sex couples, let alone any paired with a freaking robot.

To top it off, she had been far too timid to even bring anyone home to the cottage with her as she lived up in the converted attic bedroom and was worried that the woman would hear something that she shouldn't. Though she'd gotten plenty of hints that it was perfectly alright to bring a 'nice young man home' and that the lovely farm boy across the road had his eye on her and had been asking about her. Chell had brushed it off with nary a second thought at the time, but now it had her heart flittering with a nervous dread. GLaDOS may have been able to pass herself off as human in the dim light of Aperture Science, but there was no way those glittering blue-grey eyes and artificial skin would ever be mistaken for organic flesh in the harsh light of day. She was really too perfectly designed to ever be able to survive out there. But still, a part of Chell hoped.

All in all, GLaDOS was a strange choice in bedfellow, but looking back on it, the test subject wouldn't have had it any other way. They had been through a lot together, whether the AI wanted to admit it or not. So she liked to think there was some kind of bond between them. Yet it didn't stop that niggling little feeling that perhaps she wouldn't or _couldn't_ care about the human in the way that she wanted. And Chell wasn't really sure which of those two revelations would hurt more if it came to that.

Stepping up behind the seated scientist, Chell wrapped two lean arms around her shoulders and buried her face in the side of her neck.

It took a moment or two, but GLaDOS eventually stopped tapping away at whatever she was working on and tried to peer around at her new attachment. Giving a sigh, she accepted the fact that the barnacle wasn't about to let her go any time soon and turned back to the main terminal for a few moments of silence before she spoke.

"I may have lied. There is an overabundance of cake mix."

A small smile crossed Chell's face.

"You're not getting any."


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note:** Timestretch, you can totally draw some scenes from the story. I was thinking about it myself. And that goes for anyone else who might want to in the future. Just make sure you link me to them so I can see, and if you require a response as an anonymous reviewer then please leave an email address that I can reach you at or I won't be able to contact you once the story is complete. Other than that, have at it!

This is it, people. The final chapter!

* * *

><p>Chell held up the glasses that she had pilfered from the pocket of the android during her hug. She may not have cake, but at least she'd come away with something. Running her finger around the shattered rim, a niggling part of her whispered for her to keep the spectacles as a reminder to prove that it had all really happened. The other, stronger part of her said that she should fix them before she had to leave. As much as the prospect of giving them up saddened her, she knew it was the right thing to do. They belonged to the android, and she'd broken them like so many other things. At least now she had the chance to give something back. And at least only one of the lenses was broken. She was sure with all the science nerds that had basically lived and worked down here in dim light that there'd be a few pairs of glasses lying about. It was just a matter of finding ones that closely matched the shape and focus of the one remainder. Chell knew that GLaDOS didn't actually need the spectacles to see, but she didn't want her to find any reason to complain. It would probably still look weird peering through mismatched lenses.<p>

So for once, Chell was the one doing the testing. Rummaging through drawers and under piles of paper strewn across desks, she popped out any similarly shaped lenses on glasses that she found and matched them up with what she saw when she slipped them on over her nose. It brought a bit of a giggle out when she saw what she looked like in the mirror. It made her look older and weirder. Some of them made one of her eyes look bulgy, others made it smaller. They also made her slightly giddy when they were paired wrong and more than once she had to fight off a headache, eye strain and the nausea associated with it. Some of these people were seriously so blind she wondered how they even did their jobs. It seemed that GLaDOS's spectacles were more for show rather than functionality. They were just plain glass with no real focusing elements on them at all.

When eventually she found the closest matching pair, she had to pop out the lens and put it carefully in place in its new home before admiring her handiwork. She hoped GLaDOS would be appreciative, but she wasn't about to put too much stock in that happening. But still, she needed to put things right. And then give them back before she was accused of stealing too.

* * *

><p>"A gift for me? You shouldn't have. I mean that. Really. They were mine to begin with." GLaDOS took the glasses that were presented to her and slipped them back on over her nose. It felt better to have them on, as if her outfit wasn't quite complete without them.<p>

"You've disturbed my bi-lateral visual acuity by approximately 6.53% from using an incorrect lens. However, I understand what you were trying to achieve. I will adjust my optic to match. And then I won't crash into things when I ambulate. Unless that was your goal in the first place. In which case, I have thwarted your attempts at tomfoolery with the power of science. I hope you're not too mad."

Well, that was probably the closest thing to appreciation she was going to get.

"Thank you, [Subject Name Here]."

Perhaps there was a bit of hope after all, Chell beamed.

* * *

><p>She had tried to drag out the inevitable for as long as she could. But it just wasn't working anymore. Doug had relocated his hidey hole to somewhere unknown, and had taken his stocks of canned goods with him so there was nothing to scavenge for when she got hungry. Chell put it off until her stomach was positively gnawing at her in protest. She didn't think GLaDOS would appreciate seeing her chewing on a raw potato. Besides, she'd developed a strange fondness for the tubers, and they probably weren't even safe to eat after whatever she'd put on them as a child to make them grow to such epic proportions. At least there was plenty of water around in the various filtration systems for her to drink, so she didn't go thirsty.<p>

Chell sighed as she squirmed around on the pile of lab coats that she'd gathered up and placed in the main AI chamber, much to the consternation of the android. It wasn't fitting to clutter the place up like that, she'd told her, but the human couldn't care less. It was lonely staying in the offices, and she certainly didn't want to go back to the relaxation vaults. She'd had enough of those to last a lifetime.

Eventually GLaDOS had relented and let her stay there for a while despite it not being conducive to science getting done. The AI had been planning on packing up her android form when it wasn't being used to access the terminal, but now she felt as if she had to stick around in it for Chell's sake. And that meant the long hours of sleep mode to keep herself charged instead of the quick fix of plugging herself in and using her main chassis. Yelling at Orange and Blue would have kept the girl up all night, so remaining as an android was necessary.

Of course, remaining in her humanoid body also meant that Chell was quite content to explore a little more with her horrid, stubby fingers and chubby lips when they lay together at night. And GLaDOS put up with it. She still didn't quite understand the mechanisms behind human affections, other than the chemical processes that occurred to create emotions. Why Chell had chosen to direct those affections at _her_ though would remain a complete mystery. Fear and anger she understood. They were essential parts of the survival of any creature, organic or not. She had experienced that herself when faced with her own mortality. But whatever _this_ was, was confusing. It made no sense to the highly logical AI as to why this particular human was increasingly affectionate toward her after all that had happened between them. If anything they should loathe each other. They had merely worked together to save science.

GLaDOS frowned as the dark-haired test subject groped for her arm to draw it around her like a blanket. She seemed so content with whatever they had that it made her wonder what the ramifications would be of letting her go again. The AI had been witness to an excellent experiment in inanimate object attachment that occurred with lack of human contact after all. While GLaDOS herself wasn't exactly inanimate, she certainly wasn't the ideal choice in partner. She could potentially live for thousands of years with the right access to materials, electricity and technology. Chell, on the other hand, would not. She would grow old and die within the blink of an eye no matter how hard she tried not to.

If she stayed down here she would grow old, but she would never actually _grow_. On the surface, she had a chance to age under a warm sun and to start a family. Have mini-humans to care for. A _life_.

GLaDOS couldn't offer her that.

The cold down here got to people eventually. She couldn't even count how many times she'd seen people wasting away under the artificial lighting. At first they'd just get tired. Then the headaches started. If they pushed past the nausea it was already too late for them. It was no substitute for the sun. Life didn't exist within these walls. They just sucked it out of people until they were skeletons of the people they once were. Really, she'd done them a favour by purging this place of the disease that festered here.

Aperture Science was not made for humans.

And it was time Chell remembered that.

* * *

><p>Chell could feel GLaDOS's warm body behind her in the elevator, gently bumping against her every time the glass shaft rocked unsteadily on its ascent to the surface. There wasn't much room in there for them both and she found her breath steaming against the glass, her reflection looking nervous and just plain ill. She'd definitely lost some of that lovely olive tan from her time down below, but that was the least of her worries. She really didn't want to leave. She still hadn't quite figured out what it was that she was nervous about leaving though. Whether it was GLaDOS or the familiarity of Aperture she couldn't say. Probably a little bit of both, if she thought about it. The former was silent against the hum of the machinery, her face as stoic and unreadable as ever as she escorted her former test subject to the surface.<p>

When at last they ground to a halt in the dusty shed, Chell found herself wanting to just turn back around and bury her face in the android's chest and not let go. Instead, she found herself faced with the thick tang of rusted metal in her nostrils and the same musty air that had greeted her on her arrival. The door swung open with a loud clang and hot sunlight poured into the dingy space, momentarily blinding the human as it was reflected and amplified by the golden wheat field in front of them. Scrubbing at her face and blinking madly until the spots in her vision disappeared, Chell stepped out into the sun again with no small amount of apprehension.

A harsh squint was plastered upon her face as her retinas burned with fury, but after a while, she began to get used to it and her nerves began to melt away under the summer heat. Taking a deep breath of fresh air that had her head reeling from the amount of fresh oxygen, she hardly noticed when a smile began to cross her face.

It only solidified GLaDOS's beliefs that she was better off out here with the humans, frolicking in the sunlight.

The android watched from the shed as the heels of the long fall boots dug into the earth and crunched the flattened wheat from where the Black Mesa vans had previously sat until she'd removed them the moment she had gotten control of her main chassis back. The test subject looked happy. That would have to be enough.

When Chell realized that GLaDOS hadn't followed her she wandered back over and took her hand, intending to lead her over to spend some time sitting outside together. It would be a fitting end to their little saga. Plus, there was just something tantalizingly wicked about the thought of stripping off and letting the android have her way with her out there in the open with nothing but the cool breeze on their skin.

But the humanoid supercomputer wouldn't have a bar of it, and her white-knuckled grip on the door frame prevented Chell from dragging her anywhere.

In the end, it had been much easier to convince GLaDOS to lie down and make love to her on the dusty floor of the shack than it was to get her to step out into the sunlight. But as Chell watched her button up her shirt with her white hair all askew from the tight bun it was usually in, she noted with a sated smile that for once the android looked positively _frazzled_.

When finally GLaDOS had adjusted everything and brushed away the dust from her skirt, she simply decided to do away with the glasses and hair tie for now. Sweeping her hair back into that youthful look, she faced the test subject once more.

So this was it then.

"The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that Aperture Science is dedicated to maintaining the health and wellbeing of former test subjects. If you experience any of the following; Loneliness, pining, heart palpitations, wet dreams, the need to jam robotic implements into your orifices, intense and prolonged states of arousal or a sudden sexual attraction to your microwave oven, you should return to the Enrichment Center for a _thorough_ physical examination."

Chell quickly stuffed her tongue into her cheek and bit down on it to keep from laughing at the smirk that was slowly crossing GLaDOS's face. Oh, that was how it was going to be, was it? Well, she'd certainly show her! And for the first time she spoke directly _to_ the AI, who visibly gripped at the edges of the elevator at the sound.

"The Enrichment Center would like to remind YOU that-"

"Chell...I _am_ the Enrichment Center..."

And as the smug android stepped into the elevator and disappeared back into the bowels of the earth Chell was left with only one thought.

'_Damn you, GLaDOS. Damn you to android hell.'_

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Final Author's Note: <strong>I hope you've all enjoyed reading my little tale as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I do have a niggling little idea for a potential epilogue type thing, as I'm not too sure if there's enough fodder there for a proper sequel, but we'll see how it goes. Thank you for all your lovely reviews over the course of this story. I'll be sure to write more once I get on top of these upcoming assignments and my surgery.

In the words of Cave Johnson...

We're done here.


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